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ALICE’S ADVENTURES 
IN WONDERLAND. 




\ 
























































Alice’s 
ntures 
in Wonderland " 

and 

Through the 
Looking-Glass 

Ity “ 0 

LEWIS CARROLL 4 

dVith Ninety-two Illustrations 
Lj JOHN TENNIEL 


IN ONE. VOLUME 


THE MACMILLAN COMPANY 

NEW YORK • ■ -1911 


dll ricjfits reseryed 



i 


l 













ALICE’S ADVENTURES 
IN WONDERLAND 


BY 

LEWIS CARROLL 


WITH FORTY-TWO ILLUSTRATIONS 
BY JOHN TENNIEL 


Nefo 3§otk 

THE MACMILLAN COMPANY 

LONDON: MACMILLAN & CO., Ltd. 

1921 


All rights reserved 


Printed March, 1898. Reprinted June, i8go; 

August, 1900; March, 1901 ; January, September, 

•902; December, 1903; August, 1904? January- 1906. 

New edition September, too6 ; June, 1908 ; June, 1909; 
September, 1910; September, 1911; September, 1912. 

Two volumes in one, October, 1906; July, 1910; 

March, July, 1913 ; January, June, December, 1914? 

July, December, 1915; June, July, September, 1916; 

April July, 1917. 


^ 5 x (tf> CL 

a a- 


Nortooob : 

Berwick & Smith, Norwood, Mm*., U.&ib 


PREFACE 


TO THE 

EIGHTY-SIXTH THOUSAND 

Enquiries have been so often addressed to me, as to 
whether any answer to the Hatters Riddle (see p. 97) 
can be imagined, that I may as well put on record here 
what seems to me to be a fairly appropriate answer, viz. 
“ Because it can produce a few notes, though they are 
very flat; and it is never put with the wrong end in 
front ! ” This, however, is merely an after-thought : the 
Riddle, as originally invented, had no answer at all. 

For this eighty-sixth thousand, fresh electrotypes have 
been taken from the wood-blocks (which, never having 
been used for printing from, are in as good condition as 
when first cut in 1865), and the whole book has been set 
up afresh with new type. If the artistic qualities of this 
re-issue fall short, in any particular, of those possessed by 
the original issue, it will not be for want of painstaking on 
the part of author, publisher, or printer. 

I take this opportunity of announcing that the Nursery 
“ Alice,” hitherto priced at four shillings, net, is now to 
be had on the same terms as the ordinary shilling picture- 
books — although I feel sure that it is, in every quality 
(except the text itself, on which I am not qualified to 
pronounce), greatly superior to them. Four shillings was 
a perfectly reasonable price to charge, considering the very 
heavy initial outlay I had incurred: still, as the Public 
have practically said “ We will not give more than a 
shilling for a picture-book, however artistically got-up”, 
I am content to reckon my outlay on the book as so much 
dead loss, and, rather than let the little ones, for whom it 
was written, go without it, I am selling it at a price which 
is, to me, much the same thing as giving it away. 

Christmas, 1896 . 



All in the golden afternoon 
Full leisurely we glide ; 

For both our oars, with little skill, 

By little arms are plied, 

While little hands make vain pretence 
Our wanderings to guide. 


Ah, cruel Three ! In such an hour, 
Beneath such dreamy weather, 

To beg a tale of breath too weak 
To stir the tiniest feather ! 

Yet what can one poor voice avail 
Against three tongues together ? 


Imperious Prima flashes forth 
Her edict “ to begin it ” : 

In gentler tones Secunda hopes 
“ There will be nonsense in it ! ” 
While Tertia interrupts the tale 
Not more than once a minute. 


Anon, to sudden silence won, 

In fancy they pursue 
The dream-child moving through a land 
Of wonders wild and new, 

In friendly chat with bird or beast — 
And half believe it true. 


And ever, as the story drained 
The wells of fancy dry, 

And faintly strove that weary one 
To put the subject by, 
u The rest next time — ” “It is next time ! ” 
The happy voices cry. 


Thus grew the tale of Wonderland : 

Thus slowly, one by one, 

Its quaint events were hammered out — 
And now the tale is done, 

And home we steer, a merry crew, 
Beneath the setting sun. 


Alice ! A childish story take, 

And, with a gentle hand, 

Lay it where Childhood’s dreams are twined 
In Memory’s mystic band, 

Like pilgrim’s wither’d wreath of flowers 
Pluck’d in a far-off land. 



CONTENTS 


CHAPTER PAGE 

I. DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE 1 

II. THE POOL OF TEARS 15 

III. A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE 29 

IV. THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL 41 

V. ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR 59 

VI. PIG AND PEPPER 76 

VII. A MAD TEA-PARTY 95 

VIII. THE queen’s CROQUET-GROUND 112 

IX. THE MOCK TURTLE’S STORY 130 

X. THE LOBSTER-QUADRILLE 147 

XI. WHO STOLE THE TARTS ? 162 

# 

xii. Alice’s evidence 176 


I 


✓ 




CHRISTMAS-GREETINGS 


[from a fairy to a child.] 


Lady dear, if Fairies may 
For a moment lay aside 
Cunning tricks and elfish play, 
'Tis at happy Christmas-tide. 


We have heard the children say— 
Gentle children, whom we love— 
Long ago, on Christmas Day, 

Came a message from above. 


Still, as Christmas-tide comes round, 
They remember it again — 

Echo still the joyful sound 
44 Peace on earth, good-will to men!'* 


Yet the hearts must childlike be 
Where such heavenly guests abide; 
Unto children, in their glee, 

All the year is Christmas-tide! 


Thus, forgetting tricks and play 
For a moment, Lady dear, 

We would wish you, if we may, 
Merry Christmas, glad New Year! 


Christmas , 1867. 






CHAPTER I. 


DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE. 


Alice was beginning to get very tired of 
sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having 
nothing to do : once or twice she had peeped into 
the book her sister was reading, but it had no 
pictures or conversations in it, “ and what is 
3E B 



2 


DOWN THE 


the use of a book,” thought Alice, “without 
pictures or conversations ? ” 

So she was considering, in her own mind 
(as well as she could, for the hot day made 
her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the 
pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be 
worth the trouble of getting up and picking the 
daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink 
eyes ran close by her. 

There was nothing so very remarkable in 
that; nor did Alice think it so very much out 
of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself 
“ Oh dear ! Oh dear ! I shall be too late ! ” 
(when she thought it over afterwards, it oc- 
curred to her that she ought to have wondered 
at this, but at the time it all seemed quite 
natural) ; but, when the Rabbit actually took a 
watch out of its waistcoat-pocket , and looked at 
it, and then hurried on, Alice started to her 
feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had 
never before seen a rabbit with either a waist- 
coat-pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and, 


RABBIT-HOLE. 


burning with curiosity, she ran across the field 
after it, and was just in time to see it pop 
down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge. 

In another moment down went Alice after 
it, never once considering how in the world 
she was to get out again. 

The rabbit-hole went straight on like a 
tunnel for some way, and then dipped suddenly 
down, so suddenly that Alice had not a moment 
to think about stopping herself before she found 
herself falling down what seemed to be a very 
deep well. 

Either the well was very deep, or she fell 
very slowly, for she had plenty of time as she 
went down to look about her, and to wonder 
what was going to happen next. First, she tried 
to look down and make out what she was 
coming to, but it was too dark to see anything : 
then she looked at the sides of the well, and 
noticed that they were filled with cupboards 
and book-shelves : here and there she saw maps 
and pictures hung upon pegs. She took down 
B 2 


4 


DOWN THE 


a jar from one of the shelves as she passed : it 
was labeled “ ORANGE MARMALADE,” but 
to her great disappointment it was empty : she 
did not like to drop the jar, for fear of killing 
somebody underneath, so managed to put it into 
one of the cupboards as she fell past it. 

“ Well ! ” thought Alice to herself. “ ‘ After 
such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of 
tumbling down-stairs ! How brave they ’ll all 
think me at home ! Why, I wouldn’t say any- 
thing about it, even if I fell off the top of the 
house!” (Which was very likely true.) 

Down, down, down. Would the fall never 
come to an end ? “I wonder how many miles 
I ’ve fallen by this time ? ” she said aloud. “ I 
must be getting somewhere near the centre of 
the earth. Let me see : that would be four 
thousand miles down, I think — ” (for, you see, 
Alice had learnt several things of this sort in 
her lessons in the school-room, and though this 
was not a very good opportunity for showing off 
her knowledge, as there was no one to listen to 


RABBIT-HOLE. 


5 


her, still it was good practice to say it over) 
“ — yes, that ’s about the right distance — but then 
I wonder what Latitude or Longitude I’ve got 
to ? ” (Alice had not the slightest idea what 
Latitude was, or Longitude either, but she 
thought they were nice grand words to say.) 

Presently she began again. “ I wonder if 
I shall fall right through the earth ! How funny 
it'll seem to come out among the people that 
walk with their heads downwards ! The anti- 
pathies, I think — ” (she was rather glad there 
was no one listening, this time, as it didn’t 
sound at all the right word) “ — but I shall 
have to ask them what the name of the country 
is, you know. Please, Ma’am, is this New 
Zealand ? Or Australia ? ” (and she tried to curtsey 
as she spoke — fancy, curtseying as you ’re falling 
through the air ! Do you think you could 
manage it ?) “ And what an ignorant little girl 
she ’ll think me for asking ! No, it ’ll never do 
to ask : perhaps I shall see it written up 
somewhere.” 


6 


DOWN THE 


Down, down, down. There was nothing else to 
do, so Alice soon began talking again. “ Dinah ’ll 
miss me very much to-night, I should think ! ” 
(Dinah was the cat.) “ I hope they’ll remember 
her saucer of milk at tea-time. Dinah, my dear ! 
I wish you were down here with me ! There 
are no mice in the air, I ’m afraid, but you 
might catch a bat, and that ’s very like a mouse, 
you know. But do cats eat bats, I wonder ? ” 
And here Alice began to get rather sleepy, and 
went on saying to herself, in a dreamy sort 
of way, “ Do cats eat bats ? Do cats eat bats ? ” 
and sometimes “ Do bats eat cats ? ”, for, you 
see, as she couldn’t answer either question, it 
didn’t much matter which way she put it. She 
felt that she was dozing off, and had just begun 
to dream that she was walking hand in hand 
with Dinah, and was saying to her, very 
earnestly, “ Now, Dinah, tell me the truth : did 
you ever eat a bat ? ”, when suddenly, thump ! 
thump ! down she came upon a heap of sticks 
and dry leaves, and the fall was over. 


RABBIT-HOLE. 


1 


Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up 
on to her feet in a moment : she looked up, 
but it was all dark overhead : before her was 
another long passage, and the White Eabbit was 
still in sight, hurrying down it. There was not 
a moment to be lost : away went Alice like the 
wind, and was just in time to hear it say, as 
it turned a corner, “ Oh my ears and whiskers, 
how late it ’s getting ! ” She was close behind it 
when she turned the corner, but the Rabbit was 
no longer to be seen : she found herself in a 
long, low hall, which w T as lit up by a row of 
lamps hanging from the roof. 

There were doors all round the hall, but they 
were all locked ; and when Alice had been all 
the way down one side and up the other, trying 
every door, she walked sadly down the middle, 
wondering how she was ever to get out again. 

Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged 
table, all made of solid glass : there was nothing 
on it but a tiny golden key, and Alice’s first 
idea was that this might belong to one of the 


8 


DOWN THE 


doors of the hall; but, alas! either the locks 
were too large, or the key was too small, but 
at any rate it would not open any of them. 
However, on the second time round, she came 

upon a low 
curtain she had 
not noticed be- 
fore, and be- 
hind it was 
a little door 
about fifteen 
inches high : 
she tried the 
little golden 
key in the 
lock, and to her great delight it fitted ! 

Alice opened the door and found that it led 
into a small passage, not much larger than a 
rat-hole : she knelt down and looked along the 
passage into the loveliest garden you ever saw. 
How she longed to get out of that dark hall, 
and wander about among those beds of bright 



RABBIT-HOLE. 


flowers and those cool fountains, but she could 
not even get her head through the doorway ; 
“ and even if my head would go through,” 
thought poor Alice, “ it would be of very little 
use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish I 
could shut up like a telescope ! I think I could, 
if I only knew how to begin.” For, you see, so 
many out-of-the-way things had happened lately, 
that Alice had begun to think that very few 
things indeed were really impossible. 

There seemed to be no use in waiting by 
the little door, so she went back to the table, 
half hoping she might find another key on it, 
or at any rate a book of rules for shutting 
people up like telescopes : this time she found 
a little bottle on it (“ which certainly was not 
here before,” said Alice), and tied round the 
neck of the bottle was a paper label, with the 
words “DRINK ME” beautifully printed on it 
in large letters. 

It was all very well to say “ Drink me,” but 
the wise little Alice was not going to do that 


10 


DOWN THE 


in a hurry. “ No, I’ll look first,” she said, “ and 
see whether it ’s 
marked 1 poison' or 
not ” ; for she had 
read several nice 
little stories about 
children who had 
got burnt, and eaten 
up by wild beasts, 
and other unpleasant 
things, all because 
they would not re- 
member the simple 
rules their friends 
had taught them : such as, that a red-hot poker 
will burn you if you hold it too long ; and 
that, if you cut your finger very deeply with 
a knife, it usually bleeds ; and she had never 
forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle 
marked “ poison,” it is almost certain to disagree 
with you, sooner or later. 

However, this bottle was not marked “ poison,” 



RABBIT-HOLE. 


11 


so Alice ventured to taste it, and, finding it 
very nice (it had, in fact, a sort of mixed 
flavour of cherry-tart, custard, pine-apple, roast 
turkey, toffy, and hot buttered toast), she very 
soon finished it off. 

* * * * 

* * * 

* * * * 

“ What a curious feeling ! ” said Alice. “ I must 

be shutting up like a telescope ! ” 

And so it was indeed : she was now only 

ten inches high, and her face brightened up 
at the thought that she was now the right 
size for going through the little door into that 
lovely garden. First, however, she waited for a 
few minutes to see if she was going to shrink 
any further : she felt a little nervous about 
this ; “for it might end, you know,” said Alice 
to herself, “ in my going out altogether, like a 
candle. I wonder what I should be like then ? ” 
And she tried to fancy what the flame of a 
candle looks like after the candle is blown out, 


12 


DOWN THE 


for she could not remember ever having seen 
such a thing. 

After a while, finding that nothing more 
happened, she decided on going into the garden 
at once ; but, alas for poor Alice ! when she got 
to the door, she found she had forgotten the 
little golden key, and when she went back to 
the table for it, she found she could not possibly 
reach it : she could see it quite plainly through 
the glass, and she tried her best to climb up 
one of the legs of the table, but it was too 
slippery ; and when she had tired herself out 
with trying, the poor little thing sat down 
and cried. 

“ Come, there’s no use in crying like that ! ” 
said Alice to herself rather sharply. “ I advise 
you to leave off this minute ! ” She generally 
gave herself very good advice (though she 
very seldom followed it), and sometimes she 
scolded herself so severely as to bring tears 
into her eyes ; and once she remembered trying 
to box her own ears for having cheated herself 


RABBIT-HOLE 


13 


in a game of croquet she was playing against 
herself, for this curious child was very fond of 
pretending to be two people. “ But it ’s no use 
now,” thought poor Alice, “ to pretend to be two 
people ! Why, there ’s hardly enough of me left 
to make one respectable person ! ” 

Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that 
was lying under the table : she opened it, and 
found in it a very small cake, on which the 
words “EAT ME” were beautifully marked in 
currants. “Well, I ’ll eat it,” said Alice, “ and if 
it makes me grow larger, I can reach the key ; 
and if it makes me grow smaller, I can creep 
under the door : so either way I ’ll get into the 
garden, and I don’t care which happens ! ” 

She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to 
herself “ Which way ? Which way ? ”, holding her 
hand on the top of her head to feel which way 
it was growing ; and she was quite surprised 
to find that she remained the same size. To be 
sure, this is what generally happens when one 
eats cake; but Alice had got so much into the 


14 


DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE. 


way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way 
things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and 
stupid for life to go on in the common way. 

So she set to work, and very soon finished 
off the cake. 

* * * * 

* * * 

* * * * 


CHAPTER II. 



THE POOL OF TEARS. 

“ Curiouser and 
curiouser ! ” cried Alice 
(she was so much sur- 
prised, that for the 
moment she quite for- 
got how to speak good 
English). “ Now I ’m 
opening out like the 
largest telescope that 
ever was ! Good-bye, 
feet ! ” (for when she 
looked down at her 
feet, they seemed to 
be almost out of sight, 
they were getting so 
far off). “ Oh, my poor 
little feet, I wonder 


10 


THE POOL 


who will put on your shoes and stockings for 
you now, dears ? I'm sure I sha’n’t be able ! I 
shall be a great deal too far off to trouble my- 
self about you : you must manage the best way 
you can — but I must be kind to them,” thought 
Alice, “ or perhaps they wo’n’t walk the way I 
want to go ! Let me see. Ill give them a new 
pair of boots every Christmas.” 

And she went on planning to herself how she 
would manage it. “They must go by the carrier,” 
she thought ; “ and how funny it 11 seem, sending 
presents to one’s own feet ! And how odd the 
directions will look ! 

Alices Right Foot , Esq. 

Hearthrug, 

near the Fender, 

(with Alice's love). 

Oh dear, what nonsense I ’m talking ! ” 

J ust at this moment her head struck against the 
roof of the hall : in fact she was now rather more 
than nine feet high, and she at once took up the 
little golden key and hurried off to the garden door. 


OF TEARS. 


17 


Poor Alice ! It was as much as she could do, 
lying down on one side, to look through into 
the garden with one eye ; but to get through 
was more hopeless than ever : she sat down and 
began to cry again. 

“You ought to be ashamed of yourself,” said 
Alice, “a great girl like you,” (she might well 
say this), “to go on crying in this way ! Stop 
this moment, I tell you ! ” But she went on all 
the same, shedding gallons of tears, until there 
was a large pool all round her, about four inches 
deep, and reaching half down the hall. 

After a time she heard a little pattering of 
feet in the distance, and she hastily dried her 
eyes to see what was coming. It was the White 
Rabbit returning, splendidly dressed, with a pair 
of white kid-gloves in one hand and a large 
fan in the other : he came trotting along in a 
great hurry, muttering to himself, as he came, 
“ Oh ! The Duchess, the Duchess ! Oh ! Wo 1 n't she 
be savage if I Ve kept her waiting ! ” Alice 
felt so desperate that she was ready to ask help 
c 


18 


THE POOL 



of any one : so, when the Eabbit came near her, 
she began, in a low, timid voice, “ If you please, 

Sir ” The Eabbit started violently, dropped 

the white kid-gloves and the fan, and skurried 
away into the darkness as hard as he could go, 



OF TEARS. 


19 


Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the 
hall was very hot, she kept fanning herself all 
the time she went on talking. “ Dear, dear ! 
How queer everything is to-day ! And yester- 
day things went on just as usual. I wonder if 
I ’ve been changed in the night ? Let me think : 
was I the same when I got up this morning ? 
I almost think I can remember feeling a little 
different. But if I ’m not the same, the next 
question is ‘ Who in the world am I ? ’ Ah, that's 
the great puzzle ! ” And she began thinking over 
all the children she knew that were of the 
same age as herself, to see if she could have 
been changed for any of them. 

“ I ’m sure I ’m not Ada,” she said, “ for her 
hair goes in such long ringlets, and mine doesn’t 
go in ringlets at all; and I’m sure I ca’n’t be 
Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, and she, 
oh, she knows such a very little ! Besides, she ’ s 
she, and I'm I, and — oh dear, how puzzling it 
all is ! I’ll try if I know all the things I used 
to know. Let me see : four times five is twelve, 
c 2 


20 


THE POOL 


and four times six is thirteen, and four times 
seven is — oh dear ! I shall never get to twenty 
at that rate ! However, the Multiplication-Table 
doesn’t signify : let ’s try Geography. London' is 
the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of 
Rome, and Rome — no, that y s all wrong, I ’m 
certain ! I must have been changed for Mabel ! 
I ’ll try and say ‘ How doth the little — ’ and she 
crossed her hands on her lap, as if she were 
saying lessons, and began to repeat it, but her 
voice sounded hoarse and strange, and the words 
did not come the same as they used to do : — 

“How doth the little crocodile 
Improve his shining tail , 

And pour the waters of the Nile 
On every golden scale ! 

“How cheerfully he seems to grin , 

How neatly spreads his claws , 

And welcomes little fishes in, 

With gently smiling jaws ! ” 


OF TEARS. 


21 


“ I ’m sure those are not the right words,” 
said poor Alice, and her eyes filled with tears 
again as she went on, “ I must be Mabel after 
all, and I shall have to go and live in that 
poky little house, and have next to no toys to 
play with, and oh, ever so many lessons to 
learn ! No, I Ve made up my mind about it : 
if I ’m Mabel, I ’ll stay down here ! It 11 be no 
use their putting their heads down and saying 
‘ Come up again, dear ! ’ I shall only look up 
and say 4 Who am I, then ? Tell me that first, 
and then, if I like being that person, 111 come 
up : if not, 1 11 stay down here till I ’m some- 
body else ’■ — but, oh dear ! ” cried Alice, with a 
sudden burst of tears, 44 1 do wish they would 
put their heads down ! I am so very tired of 
being all alone here ! ” 

As she said this she looked down at her 
hands, and was surprised to see that she had 
put on one of the Rabbit’s little white kid-gloves 
while she was talking. 44 How can I have done 
that ? ” she thought. “ I must be growing small 


22 


THE POOL 


again.” She got up and went to the table to 
measure herself by it, and found that, as nearly 
as she could guess, she was now about two feet 
high, and was going on shrinking rapidly : she 
soon found out that the cause of this was the 
fan she was holding, and she dropped it hastily, 
just in time to save herself from shrinking away 
altogether. 

“ That was a narrow escape ! ” said Alice, a 
good deal frightened at the sudden change, but 
very glad to find herself still in existence. “ And 
now for the garden ! ” And she ran with all 
speed back to the little door ; but, alas ! the 
little door was shut again, and the little golden 
key was lying on the glass table as before, “ and 
things are worse than ever,” thought the poor 

child, “for 1 never was so small as this before, 
never ! And I declare it ’s too bad, that it is ! ” 
As she said these words her foot slipped, 

and in another moment, splash ! she was up to 
her chin in salt-water. Her first idea was that 

she had somehow fallen into the sea, “ and in 


OF TEARS. 


23 



that case I can go back by railway,” she said 
to herself. (Alice had been to the seaside once 
in her life, and had come to the general con- 
clusion that, wherever you go to on the English 
coast, you find a number of bathing-machines 
in the sea, some children digging in the sand 
with wooden spades, then a row of lodging- 
houses, and behind them a railway-station.) 
However, she soon made out that she was in 
the pool of tears which she had wept when she 
was nine feet high. 

“ I wish I hadn’t cried so much ! ” said Alice, 
as she swam about, trying to find her way out. 


24 


THE POOL 


“ I shall be punished for it now, I suppose, by 
being drowned in my own tears ! That will be 
a queer thing, to be sure ! However, everything 
is queer to-day.” 

Just then she heard something splashing 
about in the pool a little way off, and she swam 
nearer to make out what it was : at first she 
thought it must be a walrus or hippopotamus, 
but then she remembered how small she was 
now, and she soon made out that it was only 
a mouse, that had slipped in like herself. 

“ Would it be of any use, now,” thought 
Alice, “ to speak to this mouse ? Everything is 
so out-of-the-way down here, that I should think 
very likely it can talk : at any rate, there ’s 
no harm in trying.” So she began : “ 0 Mouse, 
do you know the way out of this pool? I am 
very tired of swimming about here, 0 Mouse ! ” 
(Alice thought this must be the right way of 
speaking to a mouse : she had never done such 
a thing before, but she remembered having seen, 
in her brother’s Latin Grammar, “A mouse — 


OF TEARS. 


25 


of a mouse — to a mouse — a mouse — 0 mouse ! ” 
The mouse looked at her rather inquisitively, and 
seemed to her to wink with one of its little 
eyes, but it said nothing. 

“ Perhaps it doesn’t understand English,” 
thought Alice. “ I daresay it ’s a French mouse, 
come over with William the Conqueror.” (For, 
with all her knowledge of history, Alice had no 
very clear notion how long ago anything had 
happened.) So she began again : “ Ou est ma 
chatte ? which was the first sentence in her 
French lesson-book. The Mouse gave a sudden 
leap out of the water, and seemed to quiver 
all over with fright. “ Oh, I beg your pardon ! ” 
cried Alice hastily, afraid that she had hurt the 
poor animal’s feelings. “ I quite forgot you didn’t 
like cats.” 

“ Not like cats ! ” cried the Mouse in a shrill, 
passionate voice. ‘‘Would you like cats, if you 
were me ? ” 

“ Well, perhaps not,” said Alice in a sooth- 
ing tone : “ don’t be angry about it. And yet 


26 


THE POOL 


I wish I could show you our cat Dinah. I 
think you ’d take a fancy to cats, if you could 
only see her. She is such a dear quiet thing,” 
Alice went on, half to herself, as she swam lazily 



about in the pool, “ and she sits purring so 
nicely by the fire, licking her paws and wash- 
ing her face — and she is such a nice soft thing 
to nurse — and she’s such a capital one for catch- 
ing mice oh, I beg your pardon ! ” cried Alice 

again, for this time the Mouse was bristling 
all over, and she felt certain it must be really 


OF TEARS. 


27 


offended. “We wo’n’t talk about her any more, 
if you’d rather not.” 

“ We, indeed ! ” cried the Mouse, who was 
trembling down to the end of its tail. “ As if 1 
would talk on such a subject ! Our family always 
hated cats : nasty, low, vulgar things ! Don’t 
let me hear the name again ! ” 

“ I wo’n’t indeed ! ” said Alice, in a great 
hurry to change the subject of conversation. 
“ Are you — are you fond — of — of dogs ? ” The 
Mouse did not answer, so Alice went on eagerly : 
“ There is such a nice little dog, near our house, 
I should like to show you ! A little bright- 
eyed terrier, you know, with oh, such long 
curly brown hair ! And it ’ll fetch things when 
you throw them, and it ’ll sit up and beg for 
its dinner, and all sorts of things — I ca’n’t re- 
member half of them — and it belongs to a 
farmer, you know, and he says it’s so useful, 
it ’s worth a hundred pounds ! He says it kills 
all the rats and — oh dear ! ” cried Alice in a 
sorrowful tone. “I’m afraid I ’ve offended it 


28 


THE POOL OF TEARS. 


again ! ” For the Mouse was swimming away 
from her as hard as it could go, and making 
quite a commotion in the pool as it went. 

So she called softly after it, “ Mouse dear ! 
Do come back again, and we wo’n’t talk about 
cats, or dogs either, if you don’t like them ! ” 
When the Mouse heard this, it turned round 
and swam slowly back to her : its face was 
quite pale (with passion, Alice thought), and 
it said, in a low trembling voice, “ Let us get 
to the shore, and then I’ll tell you my history, 
and you ’ll understand why it is I hate cats 
and dogs.” 

It was high time to go, for the pool was 
getting quite crowded with the birds and ani- 
mals that had fallen into it : there was a Duck 
and a Dodo, a Lory and an Eaglet, and several 
other curious creatures. Alice led the way, and 
the whole party swam to the shore. 



CHAPTER III. 


A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE. 

They were indeed a queer-looking party that 
assembled on the bank — the birds with draggled 
feathers, the animals with their fur clinging close 
to them, and all dripping wet, cross, and un- 
comfortable. 

The first question of course was, how to get 
dry again : they had a consultation about this, 


30 


A CAUCUS-RACE 


and after a few minutes it seemed quite natural 
to Alice to find herself talking familiarly with 
them, as if she had known them all her life. 
Indeed, she had quite a long argument with 
the Lory, who at last turned sulky, and would 
only say “ I ’m older than you, and must know 
better.” And this Alice would not allow, with- 
out knowing how old it was, and, as the Lory 
positively refused to tell its age, there was no 
more to be said. 

At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a 
person of some authority among them, called 
out “ Sit down, all of you, and listen to me ! 
I’ll soon make you dry enough!” They all sat 
down at once, in a large ring, with the Mouse 
in the middle. Alice kept her eyes anxiously 
fixed on it, for she felt sure she would catch a 
bad cold if she did not get dry very soon. 

“ Ahem ! ” said the Mouse with an important 
air. “ Are you all ready ? This is the driest 
thing I know. Silence all round, if you please ! 

‘ William the Conqueror, whose cause was 


AND A LONG TALE. 


31 


favoured by the pope, was soon submitted to 
by the English, who wanted leaders, and had 
been of late much accustomed to usurpation and 
conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia 

and Northumbria ’ ” 

“ Ugh ! ” said the Lory, with a shiver. 

“ I beg your pardon ! ” said the Mouse, 
frowning, but very politely. “ Did you speak ? ” 
“ Not I ! ” said the Lory, hastily. 

“ I thought you did,” said the Mouse. “ I 
proceed. ‘ Edwin and Morcar, the earls of 
Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him ; 
and even Stigand, the patriotic archbishop of 

Canterbury, found it advisable 

“ Found what f ” said the Duck. 

“ Found it, ” the Mouse replied rather crossly : 
“of course you know what ‘it’ means.” 

“ I know what ‘ it ’ means well enough, when 
/ find a thing,” said the Duck: “it's generally 
a frog, or a worm. The question is, what did 
the archbishop find?” 

The Mouse did not notice this question, but 


32 


A CAUCUS-RACE 


hurriedly went on, “ ‘ — found it advisable to go 
with Edgar Atheling to meet William and offer 
him the crown. William’s conduct at first was 

moderate. But the insolence of his Normans ’ 

How are you getting on now, my dear?” it con- 
tinued, turning to Alice as it spoke. 

“As wet as ever,” said Alice in a melancholy 
tone : “ it doesn’t seem to dry me at all.” 

“ In that case,” said the Dodo solemnly, 
rising to its feet, “ I move that the meeting 
adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more 
energetic remedies ” 

“ Speak English ! ” said the Eaglet. “ I don’t 
know the meaning of half those long words, 
and, what ’s more, I don’t believe you do either ! ” 
And the Eaglet bent down its head to hide a 
smile : some of the other birds tittered audibly. 

“What I was going to say,” said the Dodo 
in an offended tone, “was, that the best thing 
to get us dry would be a Caucus-race.” 

“ What is a Caucus-race ? ” said Alice ; not 
that she much wanted to know, but the Dodo 


AND A LONG TALE. 


33 


had. paused as if it thought that somebody ought 
to speak, and no one else seemed inclined to 
say anything. 

“ Why,” said the Dodo, “ the best way to 
explain it is to do it.” (And, as you might like 
to try the thing yourself, some winter-day, I 
will tell you how the Dodo managed it.) 

First it marked out a race-course, in a sort 
of circle, (“the exact shape doesn’t matter,” it 
said,) and then all the party were placed along 
the course, here and there. There was no “ One, 
two, three, and away ! ”, but they began running 
when they liked, and left off when they liked, so 
that it was not easy to know when the race was 
over. However, when they had been running half 
an hour or so, and were quite dry again, the Dodo 
suddenly called out “ The race is over ! ”, and they 
all crowded round it, panting, and asking “ But 
who has won ? ” 

This question the Dodo could not answer 
without a great deal of thought, and it stood for 
a long time with one finger pressed upon its 

D 


34 


A CAUCUS-RACE 


forehead (the position in which you usually 
see Shakespeare, in the pictures of him), while 
the rest waited in silence. At last the Dodo said 
“ Everybody has won, and all must have prizes.” 

“ But who is to give the prizes ? ” quite a 
chorus of voices asked. 

“ Why, she , of course,” said the Dodo, point- 
ing to Alice with one finger ; and the whole 
party at once crowded round her, calling out, in 
a confused way, “ Prizes ! Prizes ! ” 

Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair 
she put her hand in her pocket, and pulled out 
a box of comfits (luckily the salt water had not 
got into it), and handed them round as prizes. 
There was exactly one a-piece, all round. 

“ But she must have a prize herself, you 
know,” said the Mouse. 

“Of course,” the Dodo replied very gravely. 
“ What else have you got in your pocket ? ” it 
went on, turning to Alice. 

“ Only a thimble,” said Alice sadly. 

“ Hand it over here,” said the Dodo. 


AND A LONG TALE. 


35 



Then they all crowded round her once more 
while the Dodo solemnly presented the thimbL, 
saying “ We beg your acceptance of this elegant 
thimble ; and, when it had finished this short 
speech, they all cheered. 

d 2 


36 


A CAUCUS-RACE 


Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, 
but they all looked so grave that she did not 
dare to laugh ; and, as she could not think of 
anything to say, she simply bowed, and took the 
thimble, looking as solemn as she could. 

The next thing was to eat the comfits : this 
caused some noise and confusion, as the large 
birds complained that they could not taste theirs, 
and the small ones choked and had to be patted 
on the back. However, it was over at last, and 
they sat down again in a ring, and begged the 
Mouse to tell them something more. 

“You promised to tell me your history, you 
know,” said Alice, “ and why it is you hate — C 
and D,” she added in a whisper, half afraid that 
it would be offended again. 

“Mine is a long and a sad tale!” said the 
Mouse, turning to Alice, and sighing. 

“It is a long tail,, certainly,” said Alice, 
looking down with wonder at the Mouse’s tail; 
“ but why do you call it sad ? ” And she kept on 
puzzling about it while the Mouse was speaking, 


AND A LONG TALE. 


37 


so that her idea of the tale was something like 

this : “ Fury said to 

a mouse, That 

he met * in the 

house, ‘Let 
us both go 
to law : I 
will prose- 
cute you. — 

Come, I ’ll 
take no de- 
nial: We 
must have 
the trial ; 

For really 
this morn- 
ing I’ve 
nothing 
to do.’ 

Said the 
mouse to 
the cur, 

‘ Such a 
trial, dear 
sir, With 
no jury 
or judge, 
would 
be wast- 
ing our 
breath.' 

‘I'll be 
judge, 
m be 
jury,’ 
said 
cun- 
ning 
old 
Fury : 

‘111 

try 

the 

whola 
nut, 
and 
eon- 
damn 
you to 
■Wh'" 


38 


A CAUCUS-RACE 


“ You are not attending ! ” said the Mouse 
to Alice, severely. “ What are you thinking of?” 

“ I beg your pardon,” said Alice very humbly : 
“ you had got to the fifth bend, I think ? ” 

“I had not!” cried the Mouse, sharply and 
very angrily. 

“ A knot ! ” said Alice, always ready to make 
herself useful, and looking anxiously about her 
“ Oh, do let me help to undo it ! ” 

“ I shall do nothing of the sort,” said the 
Mouse, getting up and walking away. “You 
insult me by talking such nonsense ! ” 

“ I didn’t mean it ! ” pleaded poor Alice. 
“ But you ’re so easily offended, you know ! ” 

The Mouse only growled in reply. 

“ Please come back, and finish your story ! ” 
Alice called after it. And the others all joined 
in chorus “ Yes, please do ! ” But the Mouse 
only shook its head impatiently, and walked a 
little quicker. 

“ What a pity it wouldn’t stay ! ” sighed 
the Lory, as soon as it was quite out of sight. 


AND A LONG TALE. 


39 


And an old Crab took the opportunity of saying 
to her daughter “ Ah, my dear ! Let this be 
a lesson to you never to lose your temper ! ” 
“ Hold your tongue, Ma ! ” said the young Crab, 
a little snappishly. “ You ’re enough to try the 
patience of an oyster ! ” 

“ I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I 
do ! ” said Alice aloud, addressing nobody in 
particular. “ She ’ d soon fetch it back ! ” 

“And who is Dinah, if I might venture to 
ask the question ? ” said the Lory. 

Alice replied eagerly, for she was always 
ready to talk about her pet : “ Dinah 's our 
cat. And she's such a capital one for catching 
mice, you ca’n't think ! And oh, I wish you 
could see her after the birds ! Why, she 'll eat 
a little bird as soon as look at it ! " 

This speech caused a remarkable sensation 
among the party. Some of the birds hurried 
off at once : one old Magpie began wrapping 
itself up very carefully, remarking “ I really 
must be getting home : the night-air doesn't 


40 


A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE. 


suit my throat ! ” And a Canary called out in a 
trembling voice, to its children, “ Come away, my 
dears ! It ’s high time you were all in bed ! ” On 
various pretexts they all moved off, and Alice 
was soon left alone. 

“ I wish I hadn’t mentioned Dinah ! ” she 
said to herself in a melancholy tone. “ Nobody 
seems to like her, down here, and I ’m sure she ’s 
the best cat in the world ! Oh, my dear Dinah ! 
I wonder if I shall ever see you any more ! ” 
And here poor Alice began to cry again, for she 
felt very lonely and low-spirited. In a little 
while, however, she again heard a little patter- 
ing of footsteps in the distance, and she looked 
up eagerly, half hoping that the Mouse had 
changed his mind, and was coming back to 
finish his story. 


CHAPTER IV. 


THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL. 

It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly 
back again, and looking anxiously about as it 
went, as if it had lost something ; and she heard 
it muttering to itself, “ The Duchess ! The 
Duchess ! Oh my dear paws ! Oh my fur and 
whiskers ! She ’ll get me executed, as sure as 
ferrets are ferrets ! Where can I have dropped 
them, I wonder ? ” Alice guessed in a moment 
that it was looking for the fan and the pair 
of white kid-gloves, and she very good-naturedly 
began hunting about for them, but they were 
nowhere to be seen — everything seemed to have 


42 


THE RABBIT SENDS 


changed since her swim in the pool ; and the 
great hall, with the glass table and the little 
door, had vanished completely. 

Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she 
went hunting about, and called out to her, in 
an angry tone, “ Why, Mary Ann, what are you 
doing out here? Run home this moment, and 
fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan ! Quick, 
now ! ” And Alice was so much frightened that 
she ran off at once in the direction it pointed 
to, without trying to explain the mistake that 
it had made. 

“ He took me for his housemaid,” she said 
to herself as she ran. “ How surprised he ’ll be 
when he finds out who I am ! But I ’d better 
take him his fan and gloves — that is, if I can 
find them.” As she said this, she came upon a 
neat little house, on the door of which was a 
bright brass plate with the name “ W. RABBIT” 
engraved upon it. She went in without knock- 
ing, and hurried upstairs, in great fear lest 
she should meet the real Mary Ann, and be 


IN A LITTLE BILL. 


43 


turned, out of the house before she had found 
the fan and gloves. 

“ How queer it seems,” Alice said to herself, 
“to be going messages for a rabbit ! I suppose 
Dinah ’ll be sending me on messages next ! ” 
And she began fancying the sort of thing that 
would happen : “ 4 Miss Alice ! Come here di- 
rectly, and get ready for your walk ! ’ ‘ Coming 

in a minute, nurse ! But I ’ve got to watch 
this mouse-hole till Dinah comes back, and see 
that the mouse doesn’t get out.’ Only I don’t 
think,” Alice went on, “that they’d let Dinah 
stop in the house if it began ordering people 
about like that ! ” 

By this time she had found her way into 
a tidy little room with a table in the window, 
and on it (as she had hoped) a fan and two or 
three pairs of tiny white kid-gloves : she took 
up the fan and a pair of the gloves, and was 
just going to leave the room, when her eye fell 
upon a little bottle that stood near the looking- 
glass. There was no label this time with the 


44 


THE RABBIT SENDS 


words “ DEINK ME,” but nevertheless she un- 
corked it and put it to her lips. “ I know 
something interesting is sure to happen,” she 
said to herself, “whenever I eat or drink any- 
thing : so 111 just see what this bottle does. 
I do hope it 11 make me grow large again, for 
really I’m quite tired of being such a tiny 
little thing ! >T 

It did so indeed, and much sooner than she 
had expected : before she had drunk half the 
bottle, she found her head pressing against the 
ceiling, and had to stoop to save her neck from 
being broken. She hastily put down the bottle, 
saying to herself “ That’s quite enough — I hope 
I sha’n’t grow any more— As it is, I ca’n’t get 
out at the door — I do wish I hadn’t drunk 
quite so much ! ” 

Alas ! It was too late to wish that ! She 
went on growing, and growing, and very soon 
had to kneel down on the floor : in another 
minute there was not even room for this, and 
she tried the effect of lying down with one 


IN A LITTLE BILL. 


45 



elbow against the door, and the other arm 
curled round her head. Still she went on grow- 
ing, and, as a last resource, she put one arm 
out of the window, and one foot up the chimney, 
and said to herself “Now I can do no more, 
whatever happens. What will become of me ? ” 
Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had 
now had its full effect, and she grew no larger : 
still it was very uncomfortable, and, as there 
seemed to be no sort of chance of her ever 


46 


THE RABBIT SENDS 


getting out of the room again, no wonder she 
felt unhappy. 

“ It was much pleasanter at home,” thought 
poor Alice, “ when one wasn’t always growing 
larger and smaller, and being ordered about by 
mice and rabbits. I almost wish I hadn’t gone 
down that rabbit-hole — and yet — and yet — it ’s 
rather curious, you know, this sort of life ! I 
do wonder what can have happened to me ! 
When I used to read fairy tales, I fancied that 
kind of thing never happened, and now here I 
am in the middle of one ! There ought to be a 
book written about me, that there ought ! And 
when 1 grow up, I’ll write one— but I’m grown 
up now,” she added in a sorrowful tone : “ at least 
there’s no room to grow up any more here” 

“But then,” thought Alice, “shall I never 
get any older than I am now? That’ll be a 
comfort, one way — never to be an old woman— 
but then — always to have lessons to learn ! Oh, 
1 shouldn’t like that ! ” 

“Oh, you foolish Alice ! ” she answered her- 


IN A LITTLE BILL. 


47 


self. “ How can you learn lessons in here ? Why, 
there's hardly room for you , and no room at all 
for any lesson-books ! ” 

And so she went on, taking first one side and 
then the other, and making quite a conversation 
of it altogether ; but after a few minutes she 
heard a voice outside, and stopped to listen. 

“ Mary Ann ! Mary Ann ! ” said the voice. 
“ Fetch me my gloves this moment ! ” Then came 
a little pattering of feet on the stairs. Alice 
knew it was the Babbit coming to look for her, 
and she trembled till she shook the house, quite 
forgetting that she was now about a thousand 
times as large as the Babbit, and had no reason 
to be afraid of it. 

Presently the Babbit came up to the door, 
and tried to open it ; but, as the door opened 
inwards, and Alice's elbow was pressed hard 
against it, that attempt proved a failure. Alice 
heard it say to itself “Then I’ll go round and 
get in at the wdndow." 

“ That you wo'n’t ! ” thought Alice, and, after 


48 


THE RABBIT SENDS 


waiting till she fancied she heard the Rabbit 
iust under the window, she suddenly spread 

out her hand, and 
made a snatch in the 
air. She did not get 
hold of anything, but 
she heard a little 
shriek and a fall, 
and a crash of bro- 
ken glass, from which 
she concluded that 
it was just possible 
it had fallen into a 
cucumber - frame, or 
something of the sort. 
Next came an angry voice — the Rabbit’s — 
f ‘ Pat ! Pat ! Where are you ? ” And then a 
voice she had never heard before, “ Sure then 
I ’m here ! Digging for apples, yer honour ! ” 

“ Digging for apples, indeed ! ” said the 
Rabbit angrily. “ Here ! Come and help me 
out of this !” (Sounds of more broken glass.) 



IN A LITTLE BILL. 


49 


“Now tell me, Pat, what 's that in the win- 
dow ? ” 

“ Sure, it 's an arm, yer honour ! ” (He pro- 
nounced it “arrum.”) 

“ An arm, you goose ! Who ever saw one 
that size ? Why, it fills the whole window ! ” 

“Sure, it does, yer honour: but it's an arm 
for all that.” 

“ Well, it 's got no business there, at any rate : 
go and take it away ! ” 

There was a long silence after this, and Alice 
could only hear whispers now and then ; such 
as “ Sure, I don't like it, yer honour, at all, at 
all ! ” “ Do as I tell you, you coward ! ”, and at 

last she spread out her hand again, and made 
another snatch in the air. This time there were 
two little shrieks, and more sounds of broken 
glass. “What a number of cucumber-frames 
there must be ! ” thought Alice. “ I wonder what 
they 'll do next ! As for pulling me out of the 
window, I only wish they could ! I 'm sure I 
don't want to stay in here any longer ! ” 

E 


50 


THE RABBIT SENDS 


She waited for some time without hearing 
anything more : at last came a rumbling of 
little cart-wheels, and the sound of a good many 
voices all talking together : she made out the 
words : “ Where ’s the other ladder ? — Why, I 
hadn’t to bring but one. Bill’s got the other — 
Bill ! Fetch it here, lad ! — Here, put ’em up at 
this corner — No, tie ’em together first — they don’t 
reach half high enough yet — Oh, they’ll do well 
enough. Don’t be particular — Here, Bill ! Catch 
hold of this rope — Will the roof bear ? — Mind 
that loose slate — Oh, it ’s coming down ! Heads 
below ! ” (a loud crash) — “ Now, who did that ? 
— It was Bill, I fancy — Who’s to go down the 
chimney ? — Nay, / sha’n’t ! You do it ! — That 
I wo’n’t, then ! — Bill ’s got to go down — Here, 
Bill ! The master says you ’ve got to go down 
the chimney ! ” 

“ Oh ! So Bill ’s got to come down the chim- 
ney, has he ? ” said Alice to herself. “ Why, 
they seem to put everything upon Bill ! i 
wouldn’t be in Bill’s place for a good deal 


IN A LITTLE BILL. 


51 



this fireplace is narrow, 
to be sure ; but I think 

1 can kick a little ! ” 

She drew her foot as 
far down the chimney as 
she could, and waited till 
she heard a little animal 
(she couldn’t guess of 
what sort it was) scratch- 
ing and scrambling about 
in the chimney close above 
her : then, saying to her- 
self “ This is Bill ”, she 
gave one sharp kick, and 
waited to see what would 
happen next. 

The first thing she 
heard was a general 
chorus of “ There goes 
Bill ! ” then the Babbit’s 
voice alone — “ Catch him, 
you by the hedge ! ” then 

2 


52 


THE RABBIT SENDS 


silence, and then another confusion of voices — 
“ Hold up his head — Brandy now — Don’t choke 
him — How was it, old fellow ? What happened 
to you ? Tell us all about it ! ” 

Last came a little feeble, squeaking voice 
(“That’s Bill,” thought Alice), “Well, I hardly 
know — No more, thank ye ; I’m better now — but 
I ’m a deal too flustered to tell you — all I know 
is, something comes at me like a Jack-in-the-box, 
and up I goes like a sky-rocket ! ” 

“ So you did, old fellow ! ” said the others. 
“We must burn the house down ! ” said the 
Babbit’s voice. And Alice called out, as loud as 
she could, “ If you do, I ’ll set Dinah at you ! ” 
There was a dead silence instantly, and Alice 
thought to herself “ I wonder what they will do 
next ! If they had any sense, they ’d take the 
roof off. ” After a minute or two, they began 
moving about again, and Alice heard the Babbit 
say “ A barrowful will do, to begin with.” 

“ A barrowful of what ? ” thought Alice. But 
she had not long to doubt, for the next moment 


IN A LITTLE BILL. 


53 


a shower of little pebbles came rattling in at the 
window, and some of them hit her in the face. 
“IH put a stop to this,” she said to herself, and 
shouted out “You’d better not do that again!”, 
which produced another dead silence. 

Alice noticed, with some surprise, that the 
pebbles were all turning into little cakes as they 
lay on the floor, and a bright idea came into 
her head. “If I eat one of these cakes,” she 
thought, “ it ’s sure to make some change in my 
size ; and, as it ca’n’t possibly make me larger, it 
must make me smaller, I suppose.” 

So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was 
delighted to find that she began shrinking 
directly. As soon as she was small enough to 
get through the door, she ran out of the house, 
and found quite a crowd of little animals and 
birds waiting outside. The poor little Lizard, 
Bill, was in the middle, being held up by two 
guinea-pigs, who were giving it something out 
of a bottle. They all made a rush at Alice the 
moment she appeared ; but she ran off as hard 


54 


THE RABBIT SENDS 


as slie could, and soon found herself safe in a 
thick wood. 

“ The first thing I Ve got to do,” said Alice 
to herself, as she wandered about in the wood, 
“ is to grow to my right size again ; and the 
second thing is to find my way into that lovely 
garden. I think that will be the best plan.” 

It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and 
very neatly and simply arranged : the only diffi- 
culty was, that she had not the smallest idea 
how to set about it ; and, while she was peering 
about anxiously among the trees, a little sharp 
bark just over her head made her look up in 
a great hurry. 

An enormous puppy was looking down at her 
with large round eyes, and feebly stretching out 
one paw, trying to touch her. “ Poor little thing ! ” 
said Alice, in a coaxing tone, and she tried hard 
to whistle to it; but she was terribly frightened 
all the time at the thought that it might be 
hungry, in which case it would be very likely to 
eat her up in spite of all her coaxing. 


IN A LITTLE BILL. 


55 



Hardly knowing what she did, she picked up 
a little bit of stick, and held it out to the 
puppy : whereupon the puppy jumped into the 
air off all its feet at once, with a yelp of 


56 


THE RABBIT SENDS 


delight, and rushed at the stick, and made be- 
lieve to worry it : then Alice dodged behind a 
great thistle, to keep herself from being run 
over ; and, the moment she appeared on the 
other side, the puppy made another rush at the 
stick, and tumbled head over heels in its hurry 
to get hold of it : then Alice, thinking it was 
very like having a game of play with a cart- 
horse, and expecting every moment to be tram- 
pled under its feet, ran round the thistle again : 
then the puppy began a series of short charges 
at the stick, running a very little way forwards 
each time and a long way back, and barking 
hoarsely all the while, till at last it sat down 
a good way off, panting, with its tongue hang- 
ing out of its mouth, and its great eyes half 
shut. 

This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for 
making her escape : so she set off at once, and 
ran till she was quite tired and out of breath, 
and till the puppy’s bark sounded quite faint in 
the distance. 


IN A LITTLE BILL. 


57 


“ And yet what a dear little puppy it was ! ” 
said Alice, as she leant against a buttercup to 
rest herself, and fanned herself with one of the 
leaves. “ I should have liked teaching it tricks 
very much, if — if I’d only been the right size 
to do it ! Oh dear ! I ’d nearly forgotten that 
I ’ve got to grow up again ! Let me see — how 
is it to be managed ? I suppose I ought to eat 
or drink something or other ; but the great 
question is 4 What ? ’ ” 

The great question certainly was “What?”. 
Alice looked all round her at the flowers and 
the blades of grass, but she could not see any- 
thing that looked like the right thing to eat 
or drink under the circumstances. There was a 
large mushroom growing near her, about the 
same height as herself ; and, when she had looked 
under it, and on both sides of it, and behind it, 
it occurred to her that she might as well look 
and see what was on the top of it. 

She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and 
peeped over the edge of the mushroom, and her 


58 


THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL. 


eyes immediately met those of a large blue 
caterpillar, that was sitting on the top, with its 
arms folded, quietly smoking a long hookah, and 
taking not the smallest notice of her or of any- 
thing else. 



CHAPTER V. 


ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR. 

The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each 
other for some time in silence ; at last the 
Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth, 
and addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice. 


60 


ADVICE FROM A 


“ Who are you ? ” said the Caterpillar. 

This was not an encouraging opening for a 
conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, “ I — I 
hardly know, Sir, just at present — at least I 
know who I was when I got up this morning, 
but I think I must have been changed several 
times since then.” 

“ What do you mean by that ? ” said the 
Caterpillar, sternly. “Explain yourself!” 

“ I ca’n’t explain myself \ I ’m afraid, Sir,” said 
Alice, “ because I ’m not myself, you see.” 

“I don’t see,” said the Caterpillar. 

“I’m afraid I ca’n’t put it more clearly,” 
Alice replied, very politely, “for I ca’n’t under- 
stand it myself, to begin with ; and being so 
many different sizes in a day is very confusing.” 

“ It isn’t,” said the Caterpillar. 

“ Well, perhaps you haven’t found it so yet,” 
said Alice ; “ but when you have to turn into a 
chrysalis — you will some day, you know — and 
then after that into a butterfly, I should think 
you ’ll feel it a little queer, wo’n’t you ? ” 


CATERPILLAR. 


61 


“Not a bit,” said the Caterpillar. 

“ Well, perhaps your feelings may be different,” 
Said Alice : “all I know is, it would feel very 
queer to me.” 

“ You ! ” said the Caterpillar contemptuously. 
“ Who are you ? ” 

Which brought them back again to the be- 
ginning of the conversation. Alice felt a little 
irritated at the Caterpillar’s making such very 
short remarks, and she drew herself up and said, 
very gravely, “ I think you ought to tell me who 
you are, first.” 

“ Why ? ” said the Caterpillar. 

Here was another puzzling question ; and, as 
Alice could not think of any good reason, and 
the Caterpillar seemed to be in a very un- 
pleasant state of mind, she turned away. 

“ Come back ! ” the Caterpillar called after her. 
“ I ve something important to say ! ” 

This sounded promising, certainly. Alice turned 
and came back again. 

“ Keep your temper,” said the Caterpillar. 


62 


ADVICE FROM A 


44 Is that all ? ” said Alice, swallowing down 
her anger as well as she could. 

“ No,” said the Caterpillar. 

Alice thought she might as well wait, as 
she had nothing else to do, and perhaps after 
all it might tell her something worth hearing. 
For some minutes it puffed away without speak- 
ing ; but at last it unfolded its arms, took the 
hookah out of its mouth again, and said “ So 
you think you’re changed, do you?” 

“I’m afraid I am, Sir,” said Alice. “ I can’t 
remember things as I used — and I don’t keep 
the same size for ten minutes together ! ” 

“ Ca’n’t remember what things ? ” said the 
Caterpillar. 

“Well, I ’ve tried to say 4 How doth the 
little busy bee ,’ but it all came different ! ” 
Alice replied in a very melancholy voice. 

“ Repeat 4 You are old , Father William ,’ ” 
said the Caterpillar. 

Alice folded her hands, and began : — 


CATERPILLAR. 


63 



“ You are old , Father William ,” the young man said , 
“ And your hair has become very white ; 

And yet you incessantly stand on your head — * 

Do you think, at your age, it is right V' 


“ In my youth,” Father William replied to his son, 
“ I feared it might injure the brain ; 

But, now that I ’m perfectly sure I have none, 
Why, I do it again and again,” 


64 


ADVICE FROM A 



“ You are old ” said the youth, “ as I mentioned before, 
And have grown most, uncommonly fat ; 

Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door — 
Pray, what is the reason of that ? ” 

“In my youth,” said the sage, as he shook his grey locks, 
“I kept all my limbs very supple 
By the use of this ointment — one shilling the box — 
Allow me to sell you a couple ?” 


CATERPILLAR. 


65 



“ You are old? said the youth , “and your jaws are too weak 
For anything tougher than suet; 

Yet you finished the goose , with the bones and the beak — 
Pray , how did you manage to do it?” 


“ In my youth,” said his father, “ I took to the law, 
And argued each case with my wife ; 

And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw 
Has lasted the rest of my life.” 


F 


66 


ADVICE FROM A 



" You are old” said the youth , “ one would hardly suppose 
That your eye was as steady as ever ; 

Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose — 
What made you so awfully clever ?'* 

“ I have answered three questions , and that is enough 
Said his father. “ Don't give yourself airs ! 

Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff? 

Be off, or I'll kick you downstairs / ” 


CATERPILLAR. 


67 


“ That is not said right,” said the Caterpillar. 

“ Not quite right, I ’m afraid,” said Alice, 
timidly : “ some of the words have got altered.” 

“ It is wrong from beginning to end,” said the 
Caterpillar, decidedly ; and there was silence for 
some minutes. 

The Caterpillar was the first to speak. 

“ What size do you want to be ? ” it asked. 

“ Oh, I ’m not particular as to size,” Alice 
hastily replied; “only one doesn’t like changing 
so often, you know.” 

“ I don't know,” said the Caterpillar. 

Alice said nothing : she had never been so 
much contradicted in all her life before, and she 
felt that she was losing her temper. 

“ Are you content now ? ” said the Caterpillar. 

“ Well, I should like to be a little larger, Sir, 
if you wouldn’t mind,” said Alice : “ three inches 
is such a wretched height to be.” 

“It is a very good height indeed ! ” said the 
Caterpillar angrily, rearing itself upright as it 
spoke (it was exactly three inches high). 

f 2 


68 


ADVICE FROM A 


“ But I ’m not used to it ! ” pleaded poor 
Alice in a piteous tone. And she thought to 
herself “ I wish the creatures wouldn’t be so 
easily offended ! ” 

“ You 11 get used to it in time,” said the 
Caterpillar ; and it put the hookah into its 
mouth, and began smoking again. 

This time Alice waited patiently until it chose 
to speak again. In a minute or two the Cater- 
pillar took the hookah out of its mouth, and yawned 
once or twice, and shook itself. Then it got down 
off the mushroom, and crawled away into the 
grass, merely remarking, as it went, “ One side will 
make you grow taller, and the other side will make 
you grow shorter.” 

“ One side of what ? The other side of 
what ? ” thought Alice to herself. 

“ Of the mushroom,” said the Caterpillar, just 
as if she had asked it aloud; and in another 
moment it was out of sight. 

Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the 
mushroom for a minute, trying to make out 


CATERPILLAR. 


69 


which were the two sides of it ; and, as it was 
perfectly round, she found this a very difficult 
question. However, at last she stretched her 
arms round it as far as they would go, and 
broke off a bit of the edge with each hand. 

“ And now which is which ? ” she said to 
herself, and nibbled a little of the right-hand bit 
to try the effect. The next moment she felt a 
violent blow underneath her chin : it had struck 
her foot ! 

She was a good deal frightened by this very 
sudden change, but she felt that there was no 
time to be lost, as she was shrinking rapidly : 
so she set to work at once to eat some of the 
other bit. Her chin was pressed so closely 
against her foot, that there was hardly room to 
open her mouth ; but she did it at last, and 
managed to swallow a morsel of the left-hand 
bit. 


70 


ADVICE FROM A 


“ Come, my head ’s free at last ! ” said Alice 
in a tone of delight, which changed into alarm 
in another moment, when she found that her 
shoulders were nowhere to be found : all she 
could see, when she looked down, was an im- 
mense length of neck, which seemed to rise 
like a stalk out of a sea of green leaves that lay 
far below her. 

“ What can all that green stuff be ? ” said Alice. 
“ And where have my shoulders got to ? And oh, 
my poor hands, how is it I ca’n’t see you ? ” She 
was moving them about, as she spoke, but no result 
seemed to follow, except a little shaking among 
the distant green leaves. 

As there seemed to be no chance of getting 
her hands up to her head, she tried to get her 
head down to them , and was delighted to find 
that her neck would bend about easily in any 
direction, like a serpent. She had just succeeded 
in curving it down into a graceful zigzag, and 
was going to dive in among the leaves, which 
she found to be nothing but the tops of the trees 


CATERPILLAR. 


71 


under which she had been wandering, when a 
sharp hiss made her draw back in a hurry : a 
large pigeon had flown into her face, and was 
beating her violently with its wings. 

“ Serpent ! ” screamed the Pigeon. 

“I’m not a serpent ! ” said Alice indignantly. 
“ Let me alone ! ” 

“ Serpent, I say again ! ” repeated the Pigeon, 
but in a more subdued tone, and added, with a 
kind of sob, “I’ve tried every way, but nothing 
seems to suit them ! ” 

“ I haven’t the least idea what you ’re talking 
about,” said Alice. 

“ I ’ve tried the roots of trees, and I ’ve tried 
banks, and I ’ve tried hedges,” the Pigeon went on, 
without attending to her ; “ but those serpents ! 
There ’s no pleasing them ! ” 

Alice was more and more puzzled, but she 
thought there was no use in saying anything 
more till the Pigeon had finished. 

“ As if it wasn’t trouble enough hatching 
the eggs,” said the Pigeon ; “ but I must be on 


72 


ADVICE FROM A 


the look-out for serpents, night and day ! Why, 
I haven’t had a wink of sleep these three 
weeks ! ” 

“I’m very sorry you Ve been annoyed,” said 
Alice, who was beginning to see its meaning. 

“ And just as I ’d taken the highest tree in 
the wood,” continued the Pigeon, raising its 
voice to a shriek, “ and just as I was thinking 
I should be free of them at last, they must 
needs come wriggling down from the sky ! Ugh, 
Serpent ! ” 

“ But I ’m not a serpent, I tell you ! ” said Alice. 
“ I ’m a I ’m a ” 

“ Well ! What are you ? ” said the Pigeon. “ I 
can see you ’re trying to invent something ! ” 

“ I — I ’m a little girl,” said Alice, rather 
doubtfully, as she remembered the number of 
changes she had gone through, that day. 

“ A likely story indeed ! ” said the Pigeon, in 
a tone of the deepest contempt. “ I ’ve seen a 
good many little girls in my time, but never one 
with such a neck as that ! No, no ! You ’re a 


CATERPILLAR. 


73 


serpent ; and there ’s no use denying it. I sup- 
pose you’ll be telling me next that you never 
tasted an egg ! ” 

“I have tasted eggs, certainly,” said Alice, 
who was a very truthful child ; “ but little girls 
eat eggs quite as much as serpents do, you 
know.” 

“ I don’t believe it,” said the Pigeon ; “ but if 

they do, why, then they ’re a kind of serpent : 
that’s all I can say.” 

This was such a new idea to Alice, that she 
was quite silent for a minute or two, which gave 
the Pigeon the opportunity of adding “ You ’re 
looking for eggs, I know that well enough ; and 
what does it matter to me whether you ’re a 
little girl or a serpent ? ” 

“ It matters a good deal to me,” said Alice 
hastily ; “ but I ’m not looking for eggs, as it 
happens ; and, if I was, I shouldn’t want yours : 
I don’t like them raw.” 

“ Well, be off, then ! ” said the Pigeon in a 
sulky tone, as it settled down again into its 


74 


ADVICE FROM A 


nest. Alice crouched down among the trees as 
well as she could, for her neck kept getting 
entangled among the branches, and every now 
and then she had to stop and untwist it. 
After a while she remembered that she still 
held the pieces of mushroom in her hands, and 
she set to work very carefully, nibbling first at 
one and then at the other, and growing some- 
times taller, and sometimes shorter, until she had 
succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual 
height. 

It was so long since she had been anything 
near the right size, that it felt quite strange 
at first; but she got used to it in a few 
minutes, and began talking to herself, as usual, 
“ Come, there s half my plan done now ! How 
puzzling all these changes are ! I ’m never sure 
what I ’m going to be, from one minute to 
another ! However, I Ve got back to my right 
size : the next thing is, to get into that 
beautiful garden — how is that to be done, I 
wonder?” As she said this, she came suddenly 


CATERPILLAR. 


75 


upon an open place, with a little house in it about 
four feet high. “ Whoever lives there,” thought 
Alice, “ it ’ll never do to come upon them this 
size : why, I should frighten them out of their 
wits ! ” So she began nibbling at the right-hand 
bit again, and did not venture to go near the 
house till she had brought herself down to nine 
inches high. 


CHAPTER VI. 


PIG AND PEPPER. 

For a minute or two she stood looking at 
the house, and wondering what to do next, 
when suddenly a footman in livery came run- 
ning out of the wood — (she considered him to 
be a footman because he was in livery : other- 
wise, judging by his face only, she would have 
called him a fish) — and rapped loudly at the door 
with his knuckles. It was opened by another 
footman in livery, with a round face, and large 
eyes like a frog ; and both footmen, Alice noticed, 
had powdered hair that curled all over their 
heads. She felt very curious to know what it 
was all about, and crept a little way out of the 
wood to listen. 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


77 



The Fish-Footman began by producing from 
under his arm a great letter, nearly as large 
as himself, and this he handed over to the 
other, saying, in a solemn tone, “ For the 
Duchess. An invitation from the Queen to play 


78 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


croquet.” The Frog-Footman repeated, in the 
same solemn tone, only changing the order of 
the words a little, “ From the Queen. An invi- 
tation for the Duchess to play croquet.” 

Then they both bowed low, and their curls 
got entangled together. 

Alice laughed so much at this, that she had 
to run back into the wood for fear of their 
hearing her ; and, when she next peeped out, the 
Fish-Footman was gone, and the other was sitting 
on the ground near the door, staring stupidly up 
into the sky. 

Alice went timidly up to the door, and 
knocked. 

• “There’s no sort of use in knocking,” said 
the Footman, “ and that for two reasons. First, 
because I ’m on the same side of the door as 
you are : secondly, because they’ re making such 
a noise inside, no one could possibly hear you.” 
And certainly there was a most extraordinary 
noise going on within — a constant howling and 
sneezing, and every now and then a great 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


79 


crash, as if a dish or kettle had been broken to 
pieces. 

“ Please, then,” said Alice, “ how am I to get in ? ” 

“ There might be some sense in your knock- 
ing,” the Footman went on, without attending 
to her, “if we had the door between us. For 
instance, if you were inside , you might knock, 
and I could let you out, you know.” He was 
looking up into the sky all the time he was 
speaking, and this Alice thought decidedly un- 
civil. “ But perhaps he ca’n’t help it,” she said 
to herself ; “his eyes are so very nearly at the 
top of his head. But at any rate he might 
answer questions. — How am I to get in ? ” she 
repeated, aloud. 

“ I shall sit here,” the Footman remarked, “ till 
to-morrow ” 

At this moment the door of the house 
opened, and a large plate came skimming out, 
straight at the Footman’s head : it just grazed 
his nose, and broke to pieces against one of the 
tree<3 behind him. 


80 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


“ or next day, maybe,” tbe Footman com 

tinued in tbe same tone, exactly as if nothing 
had happened. 

“ How am I to get in ? ” asked Alice again, 
in a louder tone. 

44 Are you to get in at all?” said the Foot- 
man. “ That J s the first question, you know.” 

It was, no doubt : only Alice did not like to 
be told so. “ It ’s really dreadful,” she muttered 
to herself, “ the way all the creatures argue. It ’s 
enough to drive one crazy ! ” 

The Footman seemed to think this a good 
opportunity for repeating his remark, with varia- 
tions. “ I shall sit here,” he said, “ on and off, 
for days and days.” 

“ But what am / to do ? ” said Alice. 

“ Anything you like,” said the Footman, and 
began whistling. 

4 4 Oh, there ’s no use in talking to him,” said 
Alice desperately : 44 he ’s perfectly idiotic ! ” And 
she opened the door and went in. 

The door led right into a large kitchen, 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


81 



which was full of smoke from one end to the 
other : the Duchess was sitting on a three-legged 
stool in the middle, nursing a baby : the cook 
was leaning over the fire, stirring a large cauldron 
which seemed to be full of soup. 

“There’s certainly too much pepper in that 
soup ! ” Alice said to herself, as well as she 
could for sneezing. 

a 


82 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


There was certainly too much of it in the 
air. Even the Duchess sneezed occasionally ; 
and as for the baby, it was sneezing and howl- 
ing alternately without a moment’s pause. The 
only two creatures in the kitchen, that did not 
sneeze, were the cook, and a large cat, which 
was lying on the hearth and grinning from ear 
to ear. 

“ Please would you tell me,” said Alice, a 
little timidly, for she was not quite sure whether 
it was good manners for her to speak first, “ why 
your cat grins like that?” 

“ It ’s a Cheshire-Cat,” said the Duchess, “ and 
that ’s why. Pig ! ” 

She said the last word with such sudden 
violence that Alice quite jumped ; but she saw 
in another moment that it was addressed to the 
baby, and not to her, so she took courage, and 
went on again : — 

“ I didn’t know that Cheshire-Cats always 
grinned ; in fact, I didn’t know that cats could 
grin.” 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


83 


“ They all can,” said the Duchess ; “ and 
most of ’em do.” 

“ I don’t know of any that do,” Alice said 
very politely, feeling quite pleased to have got 
into a conversation. 

“You don’t know much,” said the Duchess; 
“ and that ’s a fact.” 

Alice did not at all like the tone of this 
remark, and thought it would be as well to 
introduce some other subject of conversation. 
While she was trying to fix on one, the cook 
took the cauldron of soup off the fire, and at 
once set to work throwing everything within her 
reach at the Duchess and the baby — the fire- 
irons came first ; then followed a shower of sauce- 
pans, plates, and dishes. The Duchess took no 
notice of them even when they hit her ; and the 
baby was howling so much already, that it was 
quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt 
it or not. 

“ Oh, please mind what you’re doing !” cried 
Alice, jumping up and down in an agony of 
G 2 


84 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


terror. “ Oh, there goes his precious nose ! ”, as 
an unusually large saucepan *flew close by it, and 
Very nearly carried it off. 

“ If everybody minded their own business,” 
the Duchess said, in a hoarse growl, “ the world 
would go round a deal faster than it does.” 

“ Which would not be an advantage,” said 
Alice, who felt very glad to get an opportunity 
of showing off a little of her knowledge. “Just 
think what work it would make with the day 
and night ! You see the earth takes twenty-four 

hours to turn round on its axis ” 

“ Talking of axes,” said the Duchess, “ chop 
off her head ! ” 

Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to 
see if she meant to take the hint ; but the cook 
was busily stirring the soup, and seemed not to 
be listening, so she went on again : “ Twenty-four 

hours, I think ; or is it twelve ? I ” 

“ Oh, don’t bother me /” said the Duchess. “ I 
never could abide figures ! ” And with that she 
began nursing her child again, singing a sort of 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


85 


lullaby to it as she did so, and giving it a violent 
shake at the end of every line : — 

“Speak roughly to your little boy, 

And beat him when he sneezes: 

He only does it to annoy, 

Because he knows it teases” 

Chorus 

(in which the cook and the baby joined) : — 

“ Wow ! wow ! wow ! ” 

While the Duchess sang the second verse of 
the song, she kept tossing the baby violently up 
and down, and the poor little thing howled so, 
that Alice could hardly hear the words : — 

“I speak severely to my boy , 

I beat him when he sneezes; 

For he can thoroughly enjoy 
The pepper when he pleases !” 

Chorus. 

“ Wow ! wow ! wow ! ” 


86 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


“ Here ! You may nurse it a bit, if you like ! ” 
the Duchess said to Alice, flinging the baby at 
her as she spoke. “ I must go and get ready to 
play croquet with the Queen, ” and she hurried 
out of the room. The cook threw a frying-pan 
after her as she went, but it just missed her. 

Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, 
as it was a queer-shaped little creature, and held 
out its arms and legs in all directions, “just 
like a star-fish, 1 ” thought Alice. The poor little 
thing was snorting like a steam-engine when 
she caught it, and kept doubling itself up and 
straightening itself out again, so that altogether, 
for the first minute or two, it was as much as 
she could do to hold it. 

As soon as she had made out the proper way 
of nursing it (which was to twist it up into 
a sort of knot, and then keep tight hold of its 
right ear and left foot, so as to prevent its 
undoing itself), she carried it out into the open 
air. “ If I don’t take this child away with me,” 
thought Alice, “ they ’re sure to kill it in a day 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


87 


or two. Wouldn’t it be murder to leave it be- 
hind ?” She said the last words out loud, and 
the little thing grunted in reply (it had left off 
sneezing by this time). “ Don’t grunt,” said 
Alice; “that’s not at all a proper way of ex- 
pressing yourself.” 

The baby grunted again, and Alice looked 
very anxiously into its face to see what was the 
matter with it. There could be no doubt that 
it had a very turn-up nose, much more like a 
snout than a real . nose : also its eyes were 
getting extremely small for a baby : altogether 
Alice did not like the look of the thing at all. 
“ But perhaps it was only sobbing,” she thought, 
and looked into its eyes again, to see if there 
were any tears. 

No, there were no tears. “ If you ’re going to 
turn into a pig, my dear,” said Alice, seriously, 
“ I ’ll have nothing more to do with you. Mind 
now!” The poor little thing sobbed again (or 
grunted, it was impossible to say which), and 
they went on for some while in silence. 


88 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


Alice was just beginning to think to herself, 
“ Now, what am I to do with this creature, 
when I get it home?” when it grunted again, 

so violently, that she 
looked down into its 
face in some alarm. 
This time there could 
be no mistake about 
it : it was neither 
more nor less than 
a pig, and she felt 
that it would be 
quite absurd for her 
to carry it any fur- 
ther. 

So she set the 
little creature down, and felt quite relieved to 
see it trot away quietly into the wood. “ If 
it had grown up,” she said to herself, “ it would 
have made a dreadfully ugly child : but it makes 
rather a handsome pig, I think.” And she be- 
gan thinking over other children she knew, who 



PIG AND PEPPER. 


89 


might do very well as pigs, and was just say- 
ing to herself “ if one only knew the right way 

to change them ■” when she was a little 

startled by seeing the Cheshire-Cat sitting on a 
bough of a tree a few yards off. 

The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. 
It looked good-natured, she thought : still it had 
very long claws and a great many teeth, so she 
felt that it ought to be treated with respect. 

“ Cheshire-Puss,” she began, rather timidly, as 
she did not at all know whether it would like 
the name : however, it only grinned a little wider. 
4 ‘Come, it’s pleased so far,” thought Alice, and 
she went on. “ Would you tell me, please, which 
way I ought to go from here ? ” 

4 4 That depends a good deal on where you want 
to get to,” said the Cat. 

44 1 don’t much care where ” said Alice. 

44 Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” 
said the Cat. 

“ so long as I get somewhere ,” Alice added 

as an explanation. 


90 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


“ Oh, you ’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, 

4 4 if you only walk long enough.” 

Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she 
tried another question. “ What sort of people 
live about here ? ” 

“ In that direction,” the Cat said, waving its 
right paw round, “ lives a Hatter : and in that 
direction,” waving the other paw, “ lives a March 
Hare. Visit either you like : they ’re both mad.” 

“ But I don’t want to go among mad people,” 
Alice remarked. 

“ Oh, you ca’n’t help that,” said the Cat : 
“we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.” 

“ How do you know I ’m mad ? ” said Alice. 

“ You must be,” said the Cat, “ or you 
wouldn’t have come here.” 

Alice didn’t think that proved it at all : 
however, she went on : “ And how do you know 
that you ’re mad ? ” 

“ To begin with,” said the Cat, “ a dog ’s not 
mad. You grant that ? ” 

“ I suppose so,” said Alice. 


91 



“Well, then,” the Cat 
went on, “ you see a dog 
growls when it's angry, 
and wags its tail when it ’s 
pleased. Now/ growl when 
I ’m pleased, and wag my 
tail when I’m angry. There- 
fore I’m mad.” 

“ I call it purring, not 
growling,” said Alice. 

“ Call it what you like,” 
said the Cat. “Do you 
play croquet with the Queen to-day ? ” 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


92 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


“ I should like it very much,” said Alice, “ but 
I haven’t been invited yet.” 

“ You 11 see me there,” said the Cat, and 
vanished. 

Alice was not much surprised at this, she was 
getting so well used to queer things happening. 
While she was still looking at the place where it 
had been, it suddenly appeared again. 

“ By-the-bye, what became of the baby ? ” said 
the Cat. “ I ’d nearly forgotten to ask.” 

“ It turned into a pig,” Alice answered very 
quietly, just as if the Cat had come back in a 
natural way. 

“I thought it would,” said the Cat, and 
vanished again. 

Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it 
again, but it did not appear, and after a minute 
or two she walked on in the direction in which 
the March Hare was said to live. “ I ’ve seen 
hatters before,” she said to herself : “ the March 
Hare will be much the most interesting, and 
perhaps, as this is May, it won’t be raving mad — 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


93 



at least not so mad as it was in March. ” As she 
said this, she looked up, and there was the Cat 
again, sitting on a branch of a tree. 

“ Did you say 4 pig ’, or 4 fig ’ ? ” said the Cat. 
44 1 said 4 pig replied Alice ; 44 and I wish you 
wouldn’t keep appearing and vanishing so sud- 
denly : you make one quite giddy ! ” 

44 All right,” said the Cat ; and this time it 
vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of 
the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained 
some time after the rest of it had gone. 


94 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


“Well! I’ve often seen a cat without a grin,” 
thought Alice ; “ but a grin without a cat ! 
It’s the most curious thing I ever saw in all 
my life ! ” 

She had not gone much farther before she 
came in sight of the house of the March Hare : 
she thought it must be the right house, because 
the chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof 
was thatched with fur. It was so large a house, 
that she did not like to go nearer till she had 
nibbled some more of the left-hand bit of mush- 
room, and raised herself to about two feet high : 
even then she walked up towards it rather 
timidly, saying to herself “ Suppose it should 
be raving mad after all ! I almost wish I ’d gone 
to see the Hatter instead ! ” 


CHAPTEK VII. 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 

There was a table set out under a tree in 
front of the house, and the March Hare and the 
Hatter were having tea at it : a Dormouse was 
sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other 
two were using it as a cushion, resting their 
elbows on it, and talking over its head. “ Very 
uncomfortable for the Dormouse,” thought Alice ; 
“only as it's asleep, I suppose it doesn’t mind.” 

The table was a large one, but the three were 
all crowded together at one corner of it. “No 
room ! No room ! ” they cried out when they saw 
Alice coming. “ There’s plenty of room ! ” said 


96 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


Alice indignantly, and she sat down in a large 
arm-chair at one end of the table. 

“Have some wine,” the March Hare said in 
an encouraging tone. 

Alice looked all round the table, but there was 
nothing on it but tea. “ I don’t see any wine,” 
she remarked. 

“There isn’t any,” said the March Hare. 

“ Then it wasn’t very civil of you to offer it,” 
said Alice angrily. 

“It wasn’t very civil of you to sit down 
without being invited,” said the March Hare. 

“ I didn’t know it was your table,” said 
Alice : “ it ’s laid for a great many more than 
three.” 

“ Your hair wants cutting,” said the Hatter. 
He had been looking at Alice for some time 
with great curiosity, and this was his first 
speech. 

“ You should learn not to make personal 
remarks,” Alice said with some severity : “ it ’s 
very rude.” 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


97 



The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on 
hearing this ; but all he said was “ Why is a 
raven like a writing-desk ? ” 


“ Come, we shall have some fun now ! ” 
thought Alice. “I’m glad they’ve begun ask- 
ing riddles — I believe I can guess that,” she 
added aloud. 

“Do you mean that you think you can find 
out the answer to it ? ” said the March Hare. 

“Exactly so,” said Alice. 

H 



98 


A MAD TEA-PAETY. 


“ Then you should say what you mean,” the 
March Hare went on. 

“ I do,” Alice hastily replied ; “ at least — at 
least I mean what I say — that’s the same thing, 
you know.” 

“Not the same thing a bit ! ” said the Hatter. 
“ Why, you might just as well say that ‘ I see 
what I eat ’ is the same thing as ‘ I eat what I 
see’!” 

“You might just as well say,” added the 
March Hare, “ that ‘ I like what I get ’ is the 
same thing as ‘ I get what I like ’ ! ” 

“ You might just as well say,” added the 
Dormouse, which seemed to be talking in its 
sleep, “ that 4 1 breathe when I sleep 9 is the same 
thing as ‘ I sleep when I breathe ’ ! ” 

“ It is the same thing with you,” said the 
Hatter, and here the conversation dropped, and 
the party sat silent for a minute, while Alice 
thought over all she could remember about 
ravens and writing-desks, which wasn’t much. 

The Hatter was the first to break the silence. 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


*' What day of the month is it ? ” he said, turn- 
ing to Alice : he had taken his watch out of 
his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shak- 
ing it every now and then, and holding it to 
his ear. 

Alice considered a little, and then said “ The" 
fourth.” 

“ Two days wrong ! ” sighed the Hatter. “ I 
told you butter wouldn’t suit the works ! ” he 
added, looking angrily at the March Hare. 

“ It was the best butter,” the March Hare 
meekly replied. 

“ Yes, but some crumbs must have got in 
as well,” the Hatter grumbled : “ you shouldn’t 
have put it in with the bread-knife.” 

The March Hare took the watch and looked 
at it gloomily : then he dipped it into his cup 
of tea, and looked at it again : but he could 
think of nothing better to say than his first 
remark, “ It was the best butter, you know.” 

Alice had been looking over his shoulder with 
some curiosity. 4 4 What a funny watch ! ” she 
H 2 


100 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


remarked. “ It tells the day of the month, and 
doesn’t tell what o’clock it is ! ” 

“ Why should it ? ” muttered the Hatter. 
44 Does your watch tell you what year it is ? ” 

4 4 Of course not,” Alice replied very readily : 
44 but that ’s because it stays the same year for 
such a long time together.” 

44 Which is just the case with rame,” said 
the Hatter. 

Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter’s 
remark seemed to her to have no sort of meaning 
in it, and yet it was certainly English. 44 1 don’t 
quite understand you,” she said, as politely as she 
could. 

44 The Dormouse is asleep again,” said the Hat- 
ter, and he poured a little hot tea upon its nose. 

The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, 
and said, without opening its eyes, 44 Of course, 
of course : just what I was going to remark 
myself.” 

44 Have you guessed the riddle yet ? ” the 
Hatter said, turning to Alice again. 


A MAD TEA-PARTY 


101 


“ No, I give it up/’ Alice replied. “ What ’s 
the answer ? ” 

“ I haven’t the slightest idea,” said the 
Hatter. 

“ Nor I,” said the March Hare. 

Alice sighed wearily. “ I think you might 
do something better with the time,” she said, 
“than wasting it in asking riddles that have 
no answers.” 

“ If you knew Time as well as I do,” said 
the Hatter, “you wouldn’t talk about wasting 
it. It ’s him” 

“ I don’t know what you mean,” said Alice. 

“ Of course you don’t ! ” the Hatter said, 
tossing his head contemptuously. “ I dare say 
you never even spoke to Time ! ” 

“ Perhaps not,” Alice cautiously replied ; “ but 
I know I have to beat time when I learn 
music.” 

“ Ah ! That accounts for it,” said the Hatter. 
“ He wo’n’t stand beating. Now, if you only 
kept on good terms with him, he’d do almost 


102 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


anything you liked with the clock. For in- 
stance, suppose it were nine o’clock in the morn- 
ing, just time to begin lessons : you ’d only have 
to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the 
clock in a twinkling ! Half-past one, time for 
dinner ! ” 

(“I only wish it was,” the March Hare said 
to itself in a whisper.) 

“That would be grand, certainly,” said Alice 
thoughtfully; “but then — I shouldn’t be hungry 
for it, you know.” 

“ Not at first, perhaps,” said the Hatter : “ but 
you could keep it to half-past one as long as 
you liked.” 

“Is that the way you manage?” Alice 
asked. 

The Hatter shook his head mournfully. “ Not 

I ! ” he replied. “We quarreled last March 

just before he went mad, you know ” (point- 

ing with his teaspoon at the March Hare,) 

“ it was at the great concert given by the 

Queen of • Hearts, and I had to sing 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


103 



‘ Twinkle , twinkle, little bat! 

How I wonder what yon We at ! * 

You know the song, perhaps?” 

“ I Ve heard something like it,” said Alice. 

“ It goes on, you know,” the Hatter continued, 
“ in this way : — 

4 Up above the world yon fly , 

Like a tea-tray in the sky. 

Twinkle, twinkle 

Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began 



104 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


singing in its sleep “ Twinkle , twinkle , twinkle , 

twinkle •” and went on so long that they had 

to pinch it to make it stop. 

4 4 Well, I ’d hardly finished the first verse,” 
said the Hatter, 44 when the Queen bawled out 
4 He’s murdering the time ! Off with his head ! ’ ” 

44 How dreadfully savage ! ” exclaimed Alice. 

44 And ever since that,” the Hatter went on 
in a mournful tone, 44 he wo’n’t do a thing I ask ! 
It’s always six o’clock now.” 

A bright idea came into Alice’s head. 44 Is 
that the reason so many tea-things are put out 
here ? ” she asked. 

44 Yes, that ’s it,” said the Hatter with a sigh : 
44 it’s always tea-time, and we’ve no time to 
wash the things between whiles.” 

44 Then you keep moving round, I suppose ? ” 
said Alice. 

44 Exactly so,” said the Hatter : 44 as the things 
get used up.” 

44 But what happens when you come to the 
beginning again?” Alice ventured to ask. 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


105 


“ Suppose we change the subject,” the March 
Hare interrupted, yawning. “I’m getting tired 
of this. I vote the young lady tells us a story.” 

“ I ’m afraid I don’t know one,” said Alice, 
rather alarmed at the proposal. 

“ Then the Dormouse shall ! ” they both cried. 
“ Wake up, Dormouse ! ” And they pinched it on 
both sides at once. 

The Dormouse slowly opened its eyes. “I 
wasn’t asleep,” it said in a hoarse, feeble voice, 
“ I heard every word you fellows were saying.” 

“ Tell us a story ! ” said the March Hare. 

“ Yes, please do ! ” pleaded Alice. 

“And be quick about it,” added the Hatter, 
“ or you ’ll be asleep again before it ’s done.” 

“ Once upon a time there were three little 
sisters,” the Dormouse began in a great hurry ; 
“ and their names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie ; 
and they lived at the bottom of a well ” 

“ What did they live on ? ” said Alice, who 
always took a great interest in questions of 
eating and drinking. 


106 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


“ They lived on treacle,” said the Dormouse, 
after thinking a minute or two. 

“They couldn’t have done that, you know,” 
Alice gently remarked. “ They ’d have been ill.” 

“ So they were,” said the Dormouse ; “veri/ill.” 

Alice tried a little to fancy to herself what 
such an extraordinary way of living would be 
like, but it puzzled her too much : so she went 
on : “ But why did they live at the bottom of 
a well ? ” 

“Take some more tea,” the March Hare said 
to Alice, very earnestly. 

“I’ve had nothing yet,” Alice replied in an 
offended tone : “so I ca’n’t take more.” 

“ You mean you ca’n’t take less ,” said the 
Hatter : “ it ’s very easy to take more than 
nothing.” 

“Nobody asked your opinion,” said Alice. 

“Who’s making personal remarks now?” the 
Hatter asked triumphantly. 

Alice did not quite know what to say to 
this : so she helped herself to some tea and 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


107 


bread-and-butter, and then turned to the Dor- 
mouse, and repeated her question. “Why did 
they live at the bottom of a well ? ” 

The Dormouse again took a minute or two 
to think about it, and then said “ It was a 
treacle- well.” 

“ There ’s no such thing ! ” Alice was begin- 
ning very angrily, but the Hatter and the March 
Hare went “ Sh ! Sh ! ” and the Dormouse sulkily 
remarked “If you ca’n’t be civil, you’d better 
finish the story for yourself.” 

“No, please go on ! ” Alice said very humbly. 
“ I wo’n’t interrupt you again. I dare say there 
may be one .” 

“ One, indeed ! ” said the Dormouse indig- 
nantly. However, he consented to go on. “ And 
so these three little sisters — they were learning 
to draw, you know ” 

“ What did they draw ? ” said Alice, quite 
forgetting her promise. 

“Treacle,” said the Dormouse, without consi- 
dering at all, this time. 


108 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


“ I want a clean cup,” interrupted the Hatter : 
“ let’s all move one place on.” 

He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse 
followed him : the March Hare moved into the 
Dormouse's place, and Alice rather unwillingly 
took the place of the March Hare. The Hatter 
was the only one who got any advantage from 
the change ; and Alice was a good deal worse off 
than before, as the March Hare had just upset 
the milk -jug into his plate. 

Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse 
again, so she began very cautiously : “ But I 
don't understand. Where did they draw the 
treacle from?” 

“ You can draw water out of a water- well,” 
said the Hatter ; “ so I shou] cl think you could 
draw treacle out of a treacle- well — eh, stupid ? ” 

“But they were in the well,” Alice said to 
the Dormouse, not choosing to notice this last 
remark. 

“ Of course they were,” said the Dormouse : 
“ well in.” 


A MAD TEA-PARTY 


109 


This answer so confused poor Alice, that she 
let the Dormouse go on for . some time without 
interrupting it. 

“They were learning to draw,” the Dormouse 
went on, yawning and rubbing its eyes, for it 
was getting very sleepy ; “ and they drew all 
manner of things — everything that begins with 
an M ” 

“ Why with an M ? ” said Alice. 

“ Why not ? ” said the March Hare. 

Alice was silent. 

The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this 
time, and was going off into a doze; but, on 
being pinched by the Hatter, it woke up again 

with a little shriek, and went on : “ that 

begins with an M, such as mouse-traps, and the 
moon, and memory, and muchness — you know 
you say things are ‘much of a muchness' — did 
you ever see such a thing as a drawing of a 
muchness ! ” 

“ Keally, now you ask me,” said Alice, very 
much confused, “I don’t think ” 


110 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


“ Then you shouldn’t talk,” said the Hatter. 

This piece of rudeness was more than Alice 
could bear : she got up in great disgust, and 
walked off : the Dormouse fell asleep instantly, 
and neither of the others took the least notice 



of her going, though she looked back once or 
twice, half hoping that they would call after her : 
the last time she saw them, they were trying to 
put the Dormouse into the teapot. 

“ At any rate I ’ll never go there again ! ” said 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


Ill 


Alice, as she picked her way through the wood. 
“ It ’s the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in 
all my life ! ” 

Just as she said this, she noticed that one 
of the trees had a door leading right into it. 
“ That ’s very curious ! ” she thought. “ But every- 
thing’s curious to-day. I think I may as well 
go in at once.” And in she went. 

Once more she found herself in the long hall, 
and close to the little glass table. “ Now, 1 11 
manage better this time,” she said to herself, 

and began by taking the little golden key, and 
unlocking the door that led into the garden. 
Then she set to work nibbling at the mushroom 
(she had kept a piece of it in her pocket) till 

she was about a foot high : then she walked 

down the little passage : and then — &he found 
herself at last in the beautiful garden, among 

the bright flower-beds and the cool fountains. 


CHAPTER VIII. 


THE QUEEN’S CROQUET GROUND. 

A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of 
the garden : the roses growing on it were white, 
but there were three gardeners at it, busily 
painting them red. Alice thought this a very 
curious thing, and she went nearer to watch 
them, and, just as she came up to them, she 
heard one • of them say “ Look out now, Five ! 
Don’t go splashing paint over me like that ! ” 

“ I couldn’t help it,” said Five, in a sulky 
tone. “ Seven jogged my elbow.” 

On which Seven looked up and said “That’s 
right, Five ! Always lay the blame on others ! ” 




THE QUEEN’S CROQUET-GROUND. 113 

You d better not talk ! ” said Five. “ I heard 
the Queen say only yesterday you deserved to be 
beheaded.” 

“ What for ? ” 
said the one who 
had spoken first. 

“ That’s none 
of your business, 

Two ! ” said Seven. 

“Yes, it is his 
business ! ” said 
Five. “ And I ’ll 
tell him — it was 
for bringing the 
cook tulip-roots in- 
stead of onions.” 

Seven flung 
down his brush, and had just begun “Well, of 
all the unjust things — ” when his eye chanced, 
to fall upon Alice, as she stood watching them, 
and he checked himself suddenly : the others 
looked round also, and all of them bowed low. 



I 


114 


THE QUEEN’S 


“ Would you tell me, please,” said Alice, 
a little timidly, “why you are painting those 
roses ? ’ 

Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at 
Two. Two began, in a low voice, “ Why, the 
fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to have 
been a red rose-tree, and we put a white one 
in by mistake ; and, if the Queen was to find it 
out, we should all have our heads cut off, you 
know. So you see, Miss, we’re doing our best, 
afore she comes, to — ” At this moment, Five, 
who had been anxiously looking across the 
garden, called out “ The Queen ! The Queen ! ”, 
and the three gardeners instantly threw them- 
selves flat upon their faces. There was a sound 
of many footsteps, and Alice looked round, eager 
to see the Queen. 

First came ten soldiers carrying clubs : these 
were all shaped like the three gardeners, oblong 
and flat, with their hands and feet at the corners : 
next the ten courtiers : these were ornamented 
all over with diamonds, and walked two and 


l 


CROQCJET-GROUND. 


115 


two, as the soldiers did. After these came the 
royal children : there were ten of them, and 
the little dears came jumping merrily along, 
hand in hand, in couples : they were all orna- 
mented with hearts. Next came the guests, 
mostly Kings and Queens, and among them 
Alice recognised the White Rabbit : it was talk- 
ing in a hurried nervous manner, smiling at 
everything that was said, and went by without 
noticing her. Then followed the Knave of 
Hearts, carrying the King’s crown on a crimson 
velvet cushion ; and, last of all this grand pro- 
cession, came THE KING AND THE QUEEN 
OF HEARTS. 

Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought 
not to lie down on her face like the three 
gardeners, but she could not remember ever 
having heard of such a rule at processions ; “ and 
besides, what would be the use of a procession,” 
thought she, “ if people had all to lie down on 
their faces, so that they couldn’t see it?” So 
she stood where she was, and waited. 

I 2 


116 


THE QUEEN’S 


When the procession came opposite to Alice, 
they all stopped and looked at her, and the 
Queen said, severely, “ Who is this ? She said 
it to the Knave of Hearts, who only bowed and 
smiled in reply. 

“ Idiot ! ” said the Queen, tossing her head 
impatiently ; and, turning to Alice, she went on : 
“ What ’s your name, child ? ” 

“My name is Alice, so please your Majesty,” 
said Alice very politely ; but she added, to her- 
self, “ Why, they ’re only a pack of cards, after 
all. I needn’t be afraid of them ! ” 

“ And who are these ? ” said the Queen, point- 
ing to the three gardeners who were lying 
round the rose-tree ; for, you see, as they were 
lying on their faces, and the pattern on their 
backs was the same as the rest of the pack, 
she could not tell whether they were gardeners, 
or soldiers, or courtiers, or three of her own 
children. 

“ How should I know ? ” said Alice, surprised 
at her own courage. “ It ’s no business of mine, ” 



The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, 
after glaring at her for a moment like a wild 
beast, began screaming “ Off with her head ! 
Off with ” 


118 


THE QUEEN'S 


“ Nonsense ! ” said Alice, very loudly and 
decidedly, and the Queen was silent. 

The King laid his hand upon her arm, and 
timidly said “ Consider, my dear : she is only 
a child!” 

The Queen turned angrily away from him, 
and said to the Knave “ Turn them over ! ” 

The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot. 

“ Get up ! ” said the Queen in a shrill, loud 
voice, and the three gardeners instantly jumped 
up, and began bowing to the King, the Queen, 
the royal children, and everybody else. 

“ Leave off that ! ” screamed the Queen. “ You 
make me giddy.” And then, turning to the 
rose-tree, she went on “ What have you been 
doing here ? ” 

“May it please your Majesty,” said Two, in 
a very humble tone, going down on one knee 
as he spoke, “ we were trying — ” 

4 4 1 see ! ” said the Queen, who had mean- 
while been examining the roses. 44 Off with 
their heads ! ” and the procession moved on, 


CROQUET-GROUND. 


119 


three of the soldiers remaining behind to execute 
the unfortunate gardeners, who ran to Alice for 
protection. 

“ You sha’n’t be beheaded ! ” said Alice, and 
she put them into a large flower-pot that stood 
near. The three soldiers wandered about for a 
minute or two, looking for them, and then quietly 
marched off after the others. 

“ Are their heads off?” shouted the Queen. 

4 4 Their heads are gone, if it please your 
Majesty ! ” the soldiers shouted in reply. 

“That’s right!” shouted the Queen. “Can 
you play croquet?” 

The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, 
as the question was evidently meant for her. 

“ Yes ! ” shouted Alice. 

“ Come on, then ! ” roared the Queen, and Alice 
joined the procession, wondering very much what 
would happen next. 

“It’s — it’s a very fine day!” said a timid 
voice at her side. She was walking by the White 
Habbit, who was peeping anxiously into her face. 


120 


THE QUEEN'S 


“ Very,” said Alice. 44 Where's the Duchess ? ” 
44 Hush ! Hush ! ’’ said the Rabbit in a low 
hurried tone. He looked anxiously over his 
shoulder as he spoke, and then raised himself 
upon tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, 
and whispered “ She ’s under sentence of execu- 
tion." 

“ What for ? ” said Alice. 

“ Did you say 4 What a pity ! ’ ? " the Rabbit 
asked. 

“ No, I didn’t," said Alice. 44 I don’t think it ’s 
at all a pity. I said ‘ What for ? ’ ’’ 

4 4 She boxed the Queen’s ears — ” the Rabbit 
began. Alice gave a little scream of laughter. 
44 Oh, hush ! " the Rabbit whispered in a frightened 
tone. 44 The Queen will hear you ! You see she 
came rather late, and the Queen said — " 

44 Get to your places ! " shouted the Queen in 
a voice of thunder, and people began running 
about in all directions, tumbling up against each 
other : however, they got settled down in a minute 
or two, and the game began. 


CROQUET-GROUND. 


121 


Alice thought she had never seen such a 
curious croquet-ground in her life : it was all 
ridges and furrows: the croquet balls were live 
hedgehogs, and the mallets live flamingoes, and 
the soldiers had to 
double themselves up 
and stand on their 
hands and feet, to 
make the arches. 

The chief diffi- 
culty Alice found at 
first was in managing 
her flamingo : she 
succeeded in getting 
its body tucked away, 
comfortably enough, 
under her arm, with 
its legs hanging down, but generally, just as she 
had got its neck nicely straightened out, and 
was going to give the hedgehog a blow with 
its head, it ivould twist itself round and look 
up in her face, with such a puzzled expres- 



122 


THE QUEEN S 


sion that she could not help bursting out laugh- 
ing ; and, when she had got its head down, and 
was going to begin again, it was very provoking 
to find that the hedgehog had unrolled itself, 
and was in the act of crawling away : besides 
all this, there was generally a ridge or a furrow 
in the way wherever she wanted to send the 
hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers were 
always getting up and walking off to other parts 
of the ground, Alice soon came to the conclusion 
that it was a very difficult game indeed. 

The players all played at once, without wait- 
ing for turns, quarreling all the while, and 
fighting for the hedgehogs ; and in a very short 
time the Queen was in a furious passion, and 
went stamping about, and shouting “ Off with 
his head ! ” or “ Off with her head ! ” about once 
in a minute. 

Alice began to feel very uneasy : to be sure, 
she had not as yet had any dispute with the 
Queen, but she knew that it might happen any 
minute, “ and then,” thought she, “ what would 


CROQUET-GROUND. 


123 


become of me ? They’ re dreadfully fond of 
beheading people here : the great wonder is, 
that there ’s any one left alive ! ” 

She was looking about for some way of 
escape, and wondering whether she could get 
away without being seen, when she noticed a 
curious appearance in the air : it puzzled her 
very much at first, but after watching it a 
minute or two she made it out to be a grin, 
and she said to herself “ It ’s the Cheshire-Cat : 
now I shall have somebody to talk to.” 

“How are you getting on?” said the Cat, 
as soon as there was mouth enough for it to 
speak with. 

Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then 
nodded. “ It ’s no use speaking to it,” she 
thought, “till its ears have come, or at least 
one of them.” In another minute the whole 
head appeared, and then Alice put down her 
flamingo, and began an account of the game, 
feeling very glad she had some one to listen to 
her. The Cat seemed to think that there was 


124 THE QUEEN’S 

enough of it now in sight, and no more of it 
appeared. 

“ I don’t think they play at all fairly,” Alice 
began, in rather a complaining tone, “and they 
all quarrel so dreadfully one ca’n’t hear oneself 
speak — and they don’t seem to have any rules 
in particular : at least, if there are, nobody 
attends to them — and you’ve no idea how con- 
fusing it is all the things being alive : for in- 
stance, there ’s the arch I ’ve got to go through 
next walking about at the other end of the 
ground — and I should have croqueted the 
Queen’s hedgehog just now, only it ran away 
when it saw mine coming ! ” 

“ How do you like the Queen ? ” said the Cat 
in a low voice. 

“Not at all,” said Alice : “ she ’s so ex- 

tremely — ■” Just then she noticed that the 
Queen was close behind her, listening : so she 
went on “ — likely to win, that it ’s hardly worth 
while finishing the game.” 

The Queen smiled and passed on. 


CROQUET-GROUND. 


125 


“ Who are you talking to ? ” said the King, 
coming up to Alice, and looking at the Cat’s 
head with great curiosity. 

“ It ’s a friend of mine — a Cheshire-Cat,” said 
Alice : “ allow me to introduce it.” 

“ I don ’t like the look of it at all,” said the 
King : “ however, it may kiss my hand, if it 
likes.” 

“ I ’d rather not,” the Cat remarked. 

“Don’t be impertinent,” said the King, and 
don’t look at me like that ! ” He got behind 
Alice as he spoke. 

“ A cat may look at a king,” said Alice. “ I ’ve 
read that in some book, but I don’t remember 
where.” 

“ Well, it must be removed,” said the King 
very decidedly ; and he called to the Queen, who 
was passing at the moment, “ My dear ! I wish 
you would have this cat removed!” 

The Queen had only one way of settling all 
difficulties, great or small. “ Off with his head 1 ” 
she said without even looking round. 


126 


THE QUEEN'S 


“ I ’ll fetch the executioner myself,” said the 
King eagerly, and he hurried off. 

Alice thought she might as well go back and 
see how the game was going on, as she heard 
the Queen’s voice in the distance, screaming 
with passion. She had already heard her sen- 
tence three of the players to be executed for 
having missed their turns, and she did not like 
the look of things at all, as the game was in 
such confusion that she never knew whether it 
was her turn or not. So she went off in search 
of her. hedgehog. 

The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with 
another hedgehog, which seemed to Alice an ex- 
cellent opportunity for croqueting one of them 
with the other : the only difficulty was, that her 
flamingo was gone across to the other side of 
the garden, where Alice could see it trying in a 
helpless sort of way to fly up into a tree. 

By the time she had caught the flamingo 
and brought it back, the fight was over, and 
both the hedgehogs were out of sight : “ but it 


CROQUET-GROUND. 


127 


doesn't matter much,” thought Alice, “as all the 
arches are gone from this side of the ground.” 
So she tucked it away under her arm, that it 
might not escape again, and went back to have 
a little more conversation with her friend. 

When she got back to the Cheshire-Cat, she 
was surprised to find quite a large crowd col- 
lected round it : there was a dispute going on 
between the executioner, the King, and the 
Queen, who were all talking at once, while all 
the rest were quite silent, and looked very 
uncomfortable. 

The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed 
to by all three to settle the question, and they 
repeated their arguments to her, though, as they 
all spoke at once, she found it very hard to 
make out exactly what they said. 

The executioners argument was, that you 
couldn't cut off a head unless there was a body 
to cut it off from : that he had never had to 
do such a thing before, and he wasn't going to 
begin at his time of life. 


128 


THE QUEEN’S 



The King’s argument was that anything that 
had a head could be beheaded, and that you 
weren’t to talk nonsense. 

The Queen’s argument was that, if some- 
thing wasn ’t done about it in less than no time, 
she’d have everybody executed, all round. (It 





CROQUET-GROUND. 


129 


was this last remark that had made the whole 
party look so grave and anxious.) 

Alice could think of nothing else to say but 
“ It belongs to the Duchess : you 'd better ask 
her about it.” 

“ She *s in prison,” the Queen said to the 
executioner : “ fetch her here.” And the execu- 
tioner went off like an arrow. 

The Cat's head began fading away the moment 
he was gone, and, by the time he had come back 
with the Duchess, it had entirely disappeared : so 
the King and the executioner ran wildly up and 
down, looking for it, while the rest of the party 
went back to the game. 


K 


CHAPTER IX. 


THE MOCK TURTLE'S STORY. 

“ You ca’n’t think how glad I am to see you 
again, you dear old thing ! ” said the Duchess, as 
she tucked her arm affectionately into Alice’s, and 
they walked off together. 

Alice was very glad to find her in such a 
pleasant temper, and thought to herself that 
perhaps it was only the pepper that had made 
her so savage when they met in the kitchen. 

“ When I'm a Duchess,” she said to herself (not 
in a very hopeful tone, though), “ I wo’n’t have 
any pepper in my kitchen at all. Soup does 
very well without — Maybe it ’s always pepper 


THE MOCK TURTLE’S STORY. 13* 

that makes people hot-tempered/’ she went on, 
very much pleased at having found out a new 
kind of rule, “and vinegar that makes them 
sour — and camomile that makes them bitter — 
and — and barley-sugar and such things that 
make children sweet-tempered. I only wish 
people knew that : then they wouldn’t be so 
stingy about it, you know ” 

She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this 
time, and was a little startled when she heard 
her voice close to her ear. “You ’re thinking 
about something, my dear, and that makes you 
forget to talk. I ca’n’t tell you just now what 
the moral of that is, but I shall remember it 
in a bit.” 

“Perhaps it hasn’t one,” Alice ventured to 
remark. 

“ Tut, tut, child ! ” said the Duchess. “ Every 
thing’s got a moral, if only you can find it.” 
And she squeezed herself up closer to Alice’s 
side as she spoke. 

Alice did not much like her keeping so close 

K 2 


132 


THE MOCK 


to her: first, because the Duchess was very 
ugly ; and secondly, because she was exactly the 

right height to 
rest her chin on 
Alice’s shoulder, 
and it was an un- 
comfortably sharp 
chin. However, 
she did not like 
to be rude : so she 
bore it as well as 
she could. 

“ The game’s 
going on rather 
better now,” she 
said, by way of 
keeping up the conversation a little. 

“ ’Tis so,” said the Duchess : “ and the moral 
of that is — ‘Oh, ’tis love, ’tis love, that makes 
the world go round ! ’ ” 

“ Somebody said,” Alice whispered, “ that it ’s 
done by everybody minding their own business ! ” 



turtle’s story. 


133 


“ Ah, well ! It means much the same thing,” 
said the Duchess, digging her sharp little chin 
into Alice’s shoulder as she added “and the 
moral of that is — ‘Take care of the sense, and 
the sounds will take care of themselves.’” 

“ How fond she is of finding morals in 
things ! ” Alice thought to herself. 

“ I dare say you ’re wondering why I don’t 
put my arm round your waist,” the Duchess said, 
after a pause : “ the reason is, that I ’m doubt- 
ful about the temper of your flamingo. Shall 
I try the experiment ? ” 

“ He might bite,” Alice cautiously replied, 
not feeling at all anxious to have the experi- 
ment tried. 

“ Very true,” said the Duchess : “ flamingoes 
and mustard both bite. And the moral of that 
is — ‘Birds of a feather flock together.’” 

“ Only mustard isn’t a bird,” Alice remarked. 

“ Bight, as usual,” said the Duchess : “ what 
a clear way you have of putting things ! ” 

“ It ’s a mineral, I think” said Alice. 


134 


THE MOCK 


“Of course it is,” said the Duchess, who 
seemed ready to agree to everything that Alice 
said : “ there ’s a large mustard-mine near here. 
And the moral of that is — ‘ The more there is 
of mine, the less there is of yours.’” 

“ Oh, I know ! ” exclaimed Alice, who had 
not attended to this last remark. “ It ’s a vege- 
table. It doesn’t look like one, but it is.” 

“ I quite agree with you,” said the Duchess ; 
“ and the moral of that is — ‘ Be what you would 
seem to be’ — or, if you’d like it put more 
simply — ‘ Never imagine yourself not to be 
otherwise than what it might appear to others 
that what you were or might have been was 
not otherwise than what you had been would 
have appeared to them to be otherwise.’ ” 

“I think I should understand that better,” 
Alice said very politely, “if I had it written 
down : but I ca’n’t quite follow it as you say 
it.” 

“That’s nothing to what I could say if I 
chose,” the Duchess replied, in a pleased tone. 


turtle's story. 


135 


“Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any 
longer than that," said Alice. 

“ Oh, don't talk about trouble ! " said the 
Duchess. “I make you a present of every- 
thing I've said as yet." 

“ A cheap sort of present ! " thought Alice. 
“I'm glad people don't give birthday-presents 
like that ! " But she did not venture to say it 
out loud. 

“ Thinking again ? " the Duchess asked, with 
another dig of her sharp little chin. 

“ I 've a right to think," said Alice sharply, 
for she was beginning to feel a little worried. 

“Just about as much right," said the Duchess, 
“ as pigs have to fly ; and the m " 

But here, to Alice's great surprise, the 
Duchess's voice died away, even in the middle 
of her favourite word ‘ moral,' and the arm 
that was linked into hers began to tremble. 
Alice looked up, and there stood the Queen in 
front of them, with her arms folded, frowning 
like a thunderstorm. 


136 


THE MOCK 


“A fine day, your Majesty ! ” the Duchess 
began in a low, weak voice. 

“ Now, I give you fair warning,” shouted the 
Queen, stamping on the ground as she spoke; 
“ either you or your head must be off, and that 
in about half no time ! Take your choice ! ” 

The Duchess took her choice, and was gone 
in a moment. 

“ Let ’s go on with the game,” the Queen 
said to Alice ; and Alice was too much frightened 
to say a word, but slowly followed her back to 
the croquet-ground. 

The other guests had taken advantage of 
the Queen’s absence, and were resting in the 
shade : however, the moment they saw her, they 
hurried back to the game, the Queen merely 
remarking that a moment’s delay would cost 
them their lives. 

All the time they were playing the Queen 
never left off quarreling with the other players, 
and shouting “ Off with his head 1 ” or “ Off 
with her head ! ” Those whom she sentenced 


turtle’s story. 


137 


were taken into custody by the soldiers, who 
of course had to leave off being arches to do this, 
so that, by the end of half an hour or so, there 
were no arches left, and all the players, except 
the King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody 
and under sentence of execution. 

Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and 
said to Alice “Have you seen the Mock Turtle 
yet ? ’ 

“ No,” said Alice. “ I don’t even know what 
a Mock Turtle is.” 

“It’s the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made 
from,” said the Queen. 

“ I never saw one, or heard of one,” said Alice. 

“Come on, then,” said the Queen, “and he 
shall tell you his history.” 

As they walked off together, Alice heard the 
King say in a low voice, to the company gene- 
rally, “You are all pardoned.” “ Come, that ’ s a 
good thing ! ” she said to herself, for she had felt 
quite unhappy at the number of executions the 
Queen had ordered. 


138 


THE MOCK 



They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying 
fast asleep in the sun. (If you don’t know what 
a Gryphon is, look at the picture.) “Up, lazy 
thing I ” said the Queen, “ and take this young 
lady to see the Mock Turtle, and to hear his 
history. I must go back and see after some 
executions I have ordered;” and she walked off, 
leaving Alice alone with the Gryphon. Alice 
did not quite like the look of the creature, but 
on the whole she thought it would be quite as 


TURTLE'S STORY. 


139 


safe to stay with it as to go after that savage 
Queen : so she waited. 

The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes : then 
it watched the Queen till she was out of sight: 
then it chuckled. “ What fun ! ” said the 
Gryphon, half to itself, half to Alice. 

“ What is the fun ? ” said Alice. 

“ Why, she ” said the Gryphon. “ It ’s all her 
fancy, that : they never executes nobody, you 
know. Come on ! ” 

“ Everybody says 4 come on ! ’ here/’ thought 
Alice, as she went slowly after it : “ I never was 
so ordered about before, in all my life, never ! ” 

They had not gone far before they saw the 
Mock Turtle in the distance, sitting sad and 
lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, as they 
came nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as 
if his heart would break. She pitied him deeply. 
“ What is his sorrow ? ” she asked the Gryphon. 
And the Gryphon answered, very nearly in the 
same words as before, “ It ’s all his fancy, that : 
he hasn’t got no sorrow, you know. Come on ! ” 


140 


THE MOCK 


So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked 
at them with large eyes full of tears, but said 
nothing. 

“ This here young lady,” said the Gryphon, 
“she wants for to know your history, she do.” 

“ I ’ll tell it her,” said the Mock Turtle in a 
deep, hollow tone. “ Sit down, both of you, and 
don’t speak a word till I’ve finished.” 

So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some 
minutes. Alice thought to herself “ I don’t see 
how he can ever finish, if he doesn’t begin.” But 
she waited patiently. 

“ Once,” said the Mock Turtle at last, with a 
deep sigh, “ I was a real Turtle.” 

These words were followed by a very long 
silence, broken only by an occasional exclamation 
of “Hjckrrh!” from the Gryphon, and the con- 
stant heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle. Alice 
was very nearly getting up and saying “Thank 
you, Sir, for your interesting story,” but she could 
not help thinking there must be more to come, so 
she sat still and said nothing. 


TURTLES STORY. 


141 



“ When we were little,” the Mock Turtle 
went on at last, more calmly, though still sob- 
bing a little now and then, “we went to school 


142 


THE MOCK 


in the sea. The master was an old Turtle — we 

used to call him Tortoise ” 

“ Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn’t 
one ? ” Alice asked. 

“We called him Tortoise because he taught 
us,” said the Mock Turtle angrily. “Really you 
are very dull ! ” 

“You ought to be ashamed of yourself for 
asking such a simple question,” added the Gry- 
phon ; and then they both sat silent and looked 
at poor Alice, who felt ready to sink into the 
earth. At last the Gryphon said to the Mock 
Turtle “ Drive on, old fellow ! Don’t be all day 
about it ! ”, and he went on in these words : — 
“Yes, we went to school in the sea, though 

you mayn’t believe it ” 

“ I never said I didn’t ! ” interrupted Alice. 

“ You did,” said the Mock Turtle. 

“ Hold your tongue ! ” added the Gryphon, before 
Alice could speak again. The Mock Turtle went on. 

“We had the best of educations — in fact, we 
went to school every day ” 


turtle's story. 


143 


“I've been to a day-school, too,” said Alice. 
“ You needn’t be so proud as all that.” 

“ With extras?” asked the Mock Turtle, a 
little anxiously. 

“ Yes,” said Alice : “ we learned French and 
music.” 

“And washing?” said the Mock Turtle. 

“ Certainly not ! ” said Alice indignantly. 

“ Ah ! Then yours wasn’t a really good school,” 
said the Mock Turtle in a tone of great relief. 
“ Now, at ours, they had, at the end of the bill, 
‘ French, music, and washing — extra.’ ” 

“ You couldn’t have wanted it much,” said 
Alice ; “ living at the bottom of the sea.” 

“ I couldn’t afford to learn it,” said the Mock 
Turtle with a sigh. “ I only took the regular 
course.” 

“ What was that ? ” inquired Alice. 

“Keeling and Writhing, of course, to begin 
with,” the Mock Turtle replied ; “ and then the 
different branches of Arithmetic — Ambition, Dis- 
traction, Uglification, and Derision.” 


144 


THE MOCK 


“ I never heard of ‘ Uglification/ ” Alice ven- 
tured, to say. “What is it?’ 

The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in sur- 
prise. “ Never heard of uglifying ! ” it exclaimed. 
“ You know what to beautify is, I suppose ? ” 

“ Yes,” said Alice doubtfully : “it means — to — 
make — anything — prettier. ’ ’ 

“ Well, then,” the Gryphon went on, “ if you 
don’t know what to uglify is, you are a 
simpleton.” 

Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any 
more questions about it : so she turned to the 
Mock Turtle, and said “ What else had you to 
learn ? ” 

“ Well, there was Mystery,” the Mock Turtle 
replied, counting off the subjects on his flappers, — 
“ Mystery, ancient and modern, with Seaography : 
then Drawling — the Drawling-master was an old 
conger-eel, that used to come once a week: lie 
taught us Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in 
Coils.” 


What was that like ? ” said Alice. 


turtle's story. 


145 


“ Well, I ca’n’t show it you, myself,” the Mock 
Turtle said : “I'm too stiff. And the Gryphon 
never learnt it.” 

“ Hadn’t time,” said the Gryphon : “I went 
to the Classical master, though. He was an old 
crab, he was.” 

“ I never went to him,” the Mock Turtle said 
jvith a sigh. “ He taught Laughing and Grief, 
they used to say.” 

“ So he did, so he did,” said the Gryphon, 
sighing in his turn ; and both creatures hid their 
faces in their paws. 

“And how many hours a day did you do 
lessons ? ” said Alice, in a hurry to change the 
subject. 

“ Ten hours the first day,” said the Mock 
Turtle : “ nine the next, and so on.” 

“ What a curious plan ! ” exclaimed Alice. 

“ That 's the reason they 're called lessons,” the 
Gryphon remarked : “ because they lessen from 
day to day.” 

This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she 

L 


146 


THE MOCK TURTLE'S STORY. 


thought it over a little before she made her next 
remark. “ Then the eleventh day must have 
been a holiday ? ” 

“Of course it was,” said the Mock Turtle. 

“ And how did you manage on the twelfth ? ” 
Alice went on eagerly. 

“That’s enough about lessons,” the Gryphon 
interrupted in a very decided tone. “ Tell her 
something about the games now.” 


CHAPTER X. 


THE LOBSTER-QUADRILLE. 

The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the 
back of one flapper across his eyes. He looked 
at Alice and tried to speak, but, for a minute or 
two, sobs choked his voice. “ Same as if he had 
a bone in his throat,” said the Gryphon ; and it 
set to work shaking him and punching him in 
the back. At last the Mock Turtle recovered his 
voice, and, with tears running down his cheeks, 
he went on again : — 

“ You may not have lived much under the 
sea — ” (“ I haven't,” said Alice) — “ and perhaps 
you were never even introduced to a lobster — ” 

L 2 


148 


THE LOBSTER- 


(Alice began to say 4 4 1 once tasted ” but 

checked herself hastily, and said “No, never”) 

44 so you can have no idea what a delightful 

thing a Lobster-Quadrille is ! ” 

“No, indeed,” said Alice. “What sort of a 
dance is it ? ” 

44 Why,” said the Gryphon, 44 you first form 

into a line along the sea-shore ” 

44 Two lines ! ” cried the Mock Turtle. 44 Seals, 
turtles, salmon, and so on: then, when you’ve 

cleared all the jelly-fish out of the way ” 

44 That generally takes some time,” interrupted 
the Gryphon. 

44 — you advance twice ” 

44 Each with a lobster as a partner ! ” cried the 
Gryphon. 

44 Of course,” the Mock Turtle said : 44 advance 

twice, set to partners ” 

44 — change lobsters, and retire in same order,” 
continued the Gryphon. 

“Then, you know,” the Mock Turtle went on, 
44 you throw the ” 


QUADRILLE. 


149 


“ The lobsters ! ” shouted the Gryphon, with a 
bound into the air. 

“ — as far out to sea as you can ” 

“ Swim after them ! ” screamed the Gryphon. 

“ Turn a somersault in the sea ! ” cried the 
Mock Turtle, capering wildly about. 

“ Change lobsters again ! ” yelled the Gryphon 
at the top of its voice. 

“ Back to land again, and — that ’s all the first 
figure,” said the Mock Turtle, suddenly dropping 
his voice ; and the two creatures, who had been 
jumping about like mad things all this time, sat 
down again very sadly and quietly, and looked 
at Alice. 

“ It must be a very pretty dance,” said Alice 
timidly. 

“ Would you like to see a little of it ? ” said 
the Mock Turtle. 

“Very much indeed,” said Alice. 

“ Come, let ’s try the first figure ! ” said the 
Mock Turtle to the Gryphon. “We can do it 
without lobsters, you know. Which shall sing ? ” 


150 


THE LOBSTER- 



“ Oh, you sing,” said the Gryphon. “ I ’ve 
forgotten the words.” 

So they began solemnly dancing round and 
round Alice, every now and then treading on her 
toes when they passed too close, and waving their 
fore-paws to mark the time, while the Mock Turtle 
sang this, very slowly and sadly : — 



QUADRILLE. 


151 


“ Will you walk a little faster ? ” said a whiting to a snail , 

“ There ’s a jporjpoise close behind us, and he ’s treading 
on my tail. 

See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance ! 

They are waiting on the shingle — will you come and 
join the dance ? 

Will you, wo' n’t you, will you, wo’ n’t you, will you 
join the dance ? 

Will you, wo’n’t you, will you, wo’n’t you, won’t 
you join the dance ? 


“ You can really have no notion how delightful it will be 

When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, 
out to sea ! ” 

But the snail replied “ Too far, too far ! ”, and gave a 
look askance — 

Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not 
join the dance. 

Would not, could not, would not, could not, would 
not join the dance. 

Would not, could not, would not, could not, could 
not join the dance. 


152 


THE LOBSTER- 


“ What matters it how far we go?” his scaly friend replied . 
“ There is another shore, you know, upon the other side . 
The further off from England the nearer is to France — 
Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join 
the dance. 

Will you, wo' n’t you, will you, wo'n't you, will you 
join the dance ? 

Will you, wo'n't you, will you, wo'n't you, wo'n't you 
join the dance?” 

“ Thank you, it ’s a very interesting dance to 
watch,” said Alice, feeling very glad that it was 
over at last : “ and I do so like that curious song 
about the whiting ! ” 

“ Oh, as to the whiting,” said the Mock 
Turtle, “they — you’ve seen them, of course?” 

“ Yes,” said Alice, “I’ve often seen them at 
dinn ” she checked herself hastily. 

“ I don’t know where Dinn may be,” said 
the Mock Turtle ; “ but, if you ’ve seen them 
so often, of course you know what they ’re 
like?” 

“I believe so,” Alice replied thoughtfully. 


QUADRILLE. 


155 


“ They have their tails in their mouths — and 
they’re all over crumbs.” 

“ You ’re wrong about the crumbs,” said the 
Mock Turtle : “ crumbs would all wash off in 
the sea. But they have their tails in theii 
mouths ; and the reason is — ” here the Mock 
Turtle yawmed and shut his eyes. “ Tell her 
about the reason and all that,” he said to the 
Gryphon. 

“The reason is,” said the Gryphon, “that 
they would go with the lobsters to the dance. 
So they got thrown out to sea. So they had 
to fall a long way. So they got their tails fast 
in their mouths. So they couldn’t get them out 
again. That ’s all.” 

“ Thank you,” said Alice, “ it ’s very interesting. 
I never knew so much about a whiting before.” 

“ I can tell you more than that, if you like,” 
said the Gryphon. “Do you know why it’s 
called a whiting ? ” 

“ I never thought about it,” said Alice. 
“ Why ? ” 


154 


THE LOBSTER- 


“It does the hoots and shoes” the Gryphon 
replied very solemnly. 

Alice was thoroughly puzzled. “ Does the boots 
and shoes ! ” she repeated in a wondering tone. 

“ Why, what are your shoes done with ? ” 
said the Gryphon. “ I mean, what makes them 
so shiny ? ” 

Alice looked down at them, and considered a 
little before she gave her answer. “ They ’re done 
with blacking, I believe.” 

“ Boots and shoes under the sea,” the Gry- 
phon went on in a deep voice, “ are done with 
whiting. Now you know.” 

“ And what are they made of?” Alice asked 
in a tone of great curiosity. 

“ Soles and eels, of course,” the Gryphon re- 
plied, rather impatiently : “ any shrimp could 
have told you that.” 

“ If I ’d been the whiting,” said Alice, whose 
thoughts were still running on the song, “ I ’d 
have said to the porpoise ‘ Keep back, please I 
We don’t want you with us 1’ ” 


QUADRILLE. 


155 


“ They were obliged to have him with them,” 
the Mock Turtle said. “No wise fish would go 
anywhere without a porpoise.” 

“Wouldn’t it, really?” said Alice, in a tone 
of great surprise. 

“Of course not,” said the Mock Turtle. 
“Why, if a fish came to me, and told me he 
was going a journey, I should say ‘With what 
porpoise ? ’ ” 

“Don’t you mean ‘purpose’?” said Alice. 

“ I mean what I say,” the Mock Turtle replied, 
in an offended tone. And the Gryphon added 
“ Come, let ’s hear some of your adventures.” 

“ I could tell you my adventures — beginning 
from this morning,” said Alice a little timidly ; 
“ but it ’s no use going back to yesterday, be- 
cause I was a different person then.” 

“ Explain all that,” said the Mock Turtle. 

“No, no ! The adventures first,” said the 
Gryphon in an impatient tone : “ explanations 
take such a dreadful time.” 

So Alice began telling them her adventures 


156 


THE LOBSTER- 


from the time when she first saw the White 
Kabbit. She was a little nervous about it, just at 
first, the two creatures got so close to her, one 
on each side, and opened their eyes and mouths 
so very wide ; but she gained courage as she 
went on. Her listeners were perfectly quiet till 
she got to the part about her repeating “ You 
are old, Father William ,” to the Caterpillar, and 
the words all coming different, and then the 
Mock Turtle drew a long breath, and said “ That ’s 
very curious ! ” 

“ It ? s all about as curious as it can be,” said 
the Gryphon. 

“ It all came different ! ” the Mock Turtle 
repeated thoughtfully. “ I should like to hear 
her try and repeat something now. Tell her 
to begin.” He looked at the Gryphon as if he 
thought it had some kind of authority over 
Alice. 

“ Stand up and repeat ‘ ’Tis the voice of the 
sluggard ,’ ” said the Gryphon. 

“ How the creatures order one about, and make 


QUADRILLE. 


157 



one repeat lessons ! ” 
thought Alice. “ I 
might just as well 
be at school at 
once.” However, she 
got up, and began 
to repeat it, but her 
head was so full of 
the Lobster-Quad- 
rille, that she hardly 
knew what she was 
saying ; and the 
words came very 
queer indeed : — 


“ ’Tis the voice of the Lobster : I heard him declare 
‘ You have baked me too brown , I must sugar my hair * 
As a duck with its eyelids , so he with his nose 
Trims his belt and his buttons , and turns out his toes. 
When the sands are all dry , he is gay as a lark , 
And will talk in contemptuous tones of the Shark : 
But , when the tide rises and sharks are around , 

His voice has a timid and tremulous sound .” 


158 


THE LOBSTER- 


“ That’s different from what I used to say 
when I was a child,” said the Gryphon. 

“ Well, I never heard it before,” said the Mock 
Turtle ; “ but it sounds uncommon nonsense.” 

Alice said nothing : she had sat down with 
her face in her hands, wondering if anything 
would ever happen in a natural way again. 

“ I should like to have it explained,” said the 
Mock Turtle. 

44 She ca’n’t explain it,” said the Gryphon 
hastily. “ Go on with the next verse.” 

4 4 But about his toes ? ” the Mock Turtle 
persisted. 44 How could he turn them out with 
his nose, you know?” 

44 It ’s the first position in dancing,” Alice 
said ; but she was dreadfully puzzled by the 
whole thing, and longed to change the subject. 

44 Go on with the next verse,” the Gryphon 
repeated : 44 it begins 4 1 passed by his garden .’ ” 

Alice did not dare to disobey, though she 
felt sure it would all come wrong, and she went 
on in a trembling voice : — 


QUADRILLE. 


159 


* f / passed by his garden , and marked , 07ie eye, 

i/ow the Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie : 
The Panther took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat, 
While the Owl had the dish as its share of the treat. 
When the pie was all finished, the Owl, as a boon, 
Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon : 

While the Panther received knife and fork with a growls 
And concluded the banquet by ” 

4 ‘What is the use of repeating all that stuff?” 
the Mock Turtle interrupted, “ if you don't explain 
it as you go on ? It ’s by far the most confusing 
thing I ever heard ! ” 

“Yes, I think you ’d better leave off,” said 
the Gryphon, and Alice was only too glad to 
do so. 

“ Shall we try another figure of the Lobster- 
Quadrille ? ” the Gryphon went on. “ Or would 
you like the Mock Turtle to sing you another 
song ? ” 

“ Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle 
would be so kind,” Alice replied, so eagerly 


i60 


THE L0BSTER- 


that the Gryphon said, in a rather offended 
tone, “ Hm ! No accounting for tastes ! Sing 
her 4 Turtle Soup/ will you, old fellow ? ” 

The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, 
in a voice choked with sobs, to sing this : — 

“ Beautiful Soup , so rich and green , 

Waiting in a hot tureen ! 

Who for such dainties would not stoop ? 

Soup of the evening , beautiful Soup ! 

Soup of the evening , beautif ul Soup ! 

Beau — ootiful Soo — oop! 

Beau — ootiful Soo — oop ! 

Soo — oop of the e — e — evening , 

Beautiful , beautiful Soup ! 

“ Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish, 

Game , or any other dish ? 

Who would not give all else for two p 
enny worth only of beautiful Soup ? 
Pennyworth only of beautiful soup ? 

Beau — ootiful Soo — oop! 

Beau — ootiful Soo — oop! 


QUADRILLE. 


161 


Soo — oop of the e — e — evening, 

Beautiful, beauti — FUL SOUP!” 

“ Chorus again ! ” cried the Gryphon, and the 
Mock Turtle had just begun to repeat it, when 
a cry of “The trial's beginning!” was heard in 
the distance. 

“ Come on ! ” cried the Gryphon, and, taking 
Alice by the hand, it hurried off, without wait- 
ing for the end of the song. 

“ What trial is it ? ” Alice panted as she ran ; 
but the Gryphon only answered “ Come on ! ” 
and ran the faster, while more and more faintly 
came, carried on the breeze that followed them 
the melancholy words : — 

“ Soo — oop of the e — e — evening, 

Beautiful, beautiful Soup!” 


M 


CHAPTER XL 


WHO STOLE THE TARTS? 

The King and Queen of Hearts were seated 
on their throne when they arrived, with a great 
crowd assembled about them — all sorts of little 
birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of 
cards : the Knave was standing before them, 
in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard 
him ; and near the King was the White Rabbit, 
with a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll of 
parchment in the other. In the very middle 
of the court was a table, with a large dish of 


WHO STOLE THE TARTS? 


163 


tarts upon it : they looked so good, that it 
made Alice quite hungry to look at them — “ I 
wish they’d get the trial done,” she thought, 
“ and hand round the refreshments ! ” But there 
seemed to be no chance of this ; so she began 
looking at everything about her to pass away 
the time. 

Alice had never* been in a court of justice 
before, but she had read about them in books, 
and she was quite pleased to find that she knew 
the name of nearly everything there. “That’s 
the judge,” she said to herself, “because of his 
great wig.” 

The judge, by the way, was the King ; and, 
as he wore his crown over the wig (look at 
the frontispiece if you want to see how he did 
it), he did not look at all comfortable, and it 
was certainly not becoming. 

“ And that ’s the jury-box,” thought Alice ; 
“and those twelve creatures,” (she was obliged 
to say “ creatures,” you see, because some of 
them were animals, and some were birds,) “ I 
M 2 


164 


WHO STOLE 


suppose they are the jurors.” She said this 
last word two or three times over to herself, 
being rather proud of it : for she thought, and 
rightly too, that very few little girls of her age 
knew the meaning of it at all. However, “ jury- 
men” would have done just as well. 

The twelve jurors were all writing very 
busily on slates. “ What are they doing ? ” Alice 
whispered to the Gryphon. “ They ca’n’t have 
anything to put down yet, before the trial ’s 
begun.” 

“ They ’re putting down their names,” the 
Gryphon whispered in reply, “ for fear they 
should forget them before the end of the trial.” 

“ Stupid things ! ” Alice began in a loud 
indignant voice ; but she stopped herself hastily, 
for the White Rabbit cried out “ Silence in the 
court ! ”, and the King put on his spectacles and 
looked anxiously round, to make out who was 
talking. 

Alice could see, as well as if she were look- 
ing over their shoulders, that all the jurors were 


THE TARTS? 


165 


writing down “ Stupid things ! ” on their slates, 
and she could even make out that one of them 
didn’t know how to spell “ stupid,” and that he 
had to ask his neighbour to tell him. “ A nice 
muddle their slates’ll be in, before the trial’s 
over ! ” thought Alice. 

One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. 
This, of course, Alice could not stand, and she 
went round the court and got behind him, and 
very soon found an opportunity of taking it 
away. She did it so quickly that the poor 
little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not 
make out at all what had become of it; so, 
after hunting all about for it, he was obliged 
to write with one finger for the rest of the 
day ; and this was of very little use, as it left 
no mark on the slate. 

“ Herald, read the accusation ! ” said the 
King. 

On this the White Babbit blew three blasts 
on the trumpet, and then unrolled the parch- 
ment-scroll, and read as follows : — 


166 


WHO STOLE 



« The Queen of Hearts , she made some tarts, 

All on a summer day : 

The Knave of Hearts , he stole those tarts 
And took them quite away ! ” 

“ Consider your verdict,” the King said to 
the jury. 


THE TARTS? 


16 ? 


“ Not yet, not yet ! ” the Rabbit hastily in- 
terrupted. “ There s a great deal to come before 
that ! ” 

“ Call the first witness,” said the King ; and the 
White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, 
and called out “ First witness ! ” 

The first witness was the Hatter. He came in 
with a teacup in one hand and a piece of bread- 
and-butter in the other. “ I beg pardon, your 
Majesty,” he began, “for bringing these in; but 
I hadn’t quite finished my tea when I was sent 
for.” 

“ You ought to have finished,” said the King 
“ When did you begin ? ” 

The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had 
followed him into the court, arm-in-arm with the 
Dormouse. “Fourteenth of March, I think it 
was,” he said. 

“ Fifteenth,” said the March Hare. 

“ Sixteenth,” said the Dormouse. 

“ Write that down,” the King said to the jury ; 
and the jury eagerly wrote down all three 


168 


WHO STOLE 


dates on their slates, and then added them up, 
and reduced the answer to shillings and pence. 

“Take off your hat,” the King said to the 
Hatter. 

“ It isn’t mine,” said the Hatter. 

“ Stolen /” the King exclaimed, turning to the 
jury, who instantly made a memorandum of the 
fact. 

“ I keep them to sell,” the Hatter added as 
an explanation. “I’ve none of my own. I ’m a 
hatter.” 

Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and 
began staring hard at the Hatter, who turned pale 
and fidgeted. 

“ Give your evidence,” said the King ; “ and 
don’t be nervous, or I ’ll have you executed on 
the spot.” 

This did not seem to encourage the witness at 
all : he kept shifting from one foot to the other, 
looking uneasily at the Queen, and in his con- 
fusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup 
instead of the bread-and-butter. 


THE TARTS? 


169 


Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious 
sensation, which puzzled her a good deal until 
she made out what it was : she was beginning to 
grow larger again, and she thought at first she 
would get up and leave the court ; but on second 
thoughts she decided to remain where she was as 
long as there was room for her. 

“ I wish you wouldn’t squeeze so,” said the 
Dormouse, who was sitting next to her. “ I can 
hardly breathe.” 

“ I can’t help it,” said Alice very meekly : “ I’m 
growing.” 

“ You’ve no right to grow here” said the Dor- 
mouse. 

“ Don’t talk nonsense,” said Alice more boldly : 
“ you know you ’re growing too.” 

“ Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace,” said 
the Dormouse : “ not in that ridiculous fashion.” 
And he got up very sulkily and crossed over to 
the other side of the court. 

All this time the Queen had never left off 
staring at the Hatter, and, just as the Dormouse 


170 


WHO STOLE 


crossed the court, she said, to one of the officers of 
the court, “ Bring me the list of the singers in the 
last concert!” on which the wretched Hatter 

trembled so, that he 
shook off both his 
shoes. 

“ Give your evi- 
dence,” the King re- 
peated angrily, “ or 
I ’ll have you executed, 
whether you ’re ner- 
vous or not.” 

“ I ’m a poor man, 
your Majesty,” the 
Hatter began, in a 
trembling voice, “ and 
I hadn’t begun my tea — not above a week or 
so — and what with the bread-and-butter getting 

so thin — and the twinkling of the tea ” 

“The twinkling of what?” said the King. 

“ It began with the tea,” the Hatter replied. 

“ Of course twinkling begins with a T ! ” said 



THE TARTS ? 


171 


the King sharply. “ Do you take me for a dunce ? 
Go on ! ” 

“I’m a poor man,” the Hatter went on, “ and 
most things twinkled after that — only the March 
Hare said ” 

“ I didn’t ! ” the March Hare interrupted in a 
great hurry. 

“ You did ! ” said the Hatter. 

“ I deny it ! ” said the March Hare. 

“ He denies it,” said the King : “ leave out 
that part.” 

“ Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said ” the 

Hatter went on, looking anxiously round to see if 
he would deny it too ; but the Dormouse denied 
nothing, being fast asleep. 

“ After that,” continued the Hatter, “ I cut 
some more bread-and-butter ” 

“ But what did the Dormouse say ? ” one of 
the jury asked. 

“That I ca’n’t remember,” said the Hatter. 

“You must remember,” remarked the King, 
“ or I ’ll have you executed.” 


172 


WHO STOLE 


The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and 
bread-and-butter, and went down on one knee. 
“I’m a poor man, your Majesty,” he began. 

“ You ’re a very poor speaker” said the King. 

Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was 
immediately suppressed by the officers of the 
court. (As that is rather a hard word, I will just 
explain to you how it was done. They had a 
large canvas bag, which tied up at the mouth 
with strings : into this they slipped the guinea- 
pig, head first, and then sat upon it.) 

“ I ’m glad I ’ve seen that done,” thought Alice. 
“I’ve so often read in the newspapers, at the end 
of trials, ‘ There was some attempt at applause, 
which was immediately suppressed by the officers 
of the court,’ and I never understood what it 
meant till now.” 

“ If that ’s all you know about it, you may 
stand down,” continued the King. 

“ I ca’n’t go no lower,” said the Hatter : “I’m 
on the floor, as it is.” 

“ Then you may sit down,” the King replied. 


THE TARTS? 


173 


Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was 
suppressed. 



“ Come, that finishes the guinea-pigs ! ” thought 
Alice. “ Now we shall get on better.” 

“ I ’d rather finish my tea,” said the Hatter, 
with an anxious look at the Queen, who was 
reading the list of singers. 

“ You may go,” said the King, and the Hatter 
hurriedly left the court, without even waiting to 
put his shoes on. 

“ and just take his head off outside,” the 


174 


WHO STOLE 


Queen added to one of the officers ; but the 
Hatter was out of sight before the officer could 
get to the door. 

“ Call the next witness ! ” said the King. 

The next witness was the Duchess’s cook. 
She carried the pepper-box in her hand, and 
Alice guessed who it was, even before she got 
into the court, by the way the people near the 
door began sneezing all at once. 

“ Give your evidence,” said the King. 

“ Sha’n’t,” said the cook. 

The King looked anxiously at the White 
Babbit, who said, in a low voice, “ Your Majesty 
must cross-examine this witness.” 

‘‘Well, if I must, I must,” the King said 
with a melancholy air, and, after folding his 
arms and frowning at the cook till his eyes 
were nearly out of sight, he said, in a deep 
voice, “What are tarts made of?” 

“ Pepper, mostly,” said the cook. 

“ Treacle,” said a sleepy voice behind her. 

“ Collar that Dormouse ! ” the Queen shrieked 


THE TARTS? 


175 


out. “ Behead that Dormouse ! Turn that Dor- 
mouse out of court ! Suppress him ! Pinch him ! 
Off with his whiskers ! ” 

For some minutes the whole court was in 
confusion, getting the Dormouse turned out, and, 
by the time they had settled down again, the 
cook had disappeared. 

“ Never mind ! ” said the King, with an air 
of great relief. “ Call the next witness.” And, 
he added, in an under-tone to the Queen, 
“ Really, my dear, you must cross-examine the 
next witness. It quite makes my forehead ache ! ” 

Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled 
over the list, feeling very curious to see what 
the next witness would be like, “ — for they 
haven’t got much evidence yet ” she said to 
herself. Imagine her surprise, when the White 
Rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill little 
voice, the name 4 4 Alice 1 ” 


CHAPTER XII. 

Alice’s evidence. 

“ Here ! ” cried Alice, quite forgetting in the 
flurry of the moment how large she had grown 
in the last few minutes, and she jumped up in 
such a hurry that she tipped over the jury-box 
with the edge of her skirt, upsetting all the jury- 
men on to the heads of the crowd below, and 
there they lay sprawling about, reminding her 
very much of a globe of gold-fish she had 
accidentally upset the week before. 

“Oh, I beg your pardon ! ” she exclaimed in 
a tone of great dismay, and began picking them 
up again as quickly as she could, for the acci- 


Alice’s evidence. 


17; 



dent of the gold-fish kept running in her head, 
and she had a vague sort of idea that they 
must be collected at once and put back into the 
jury-box, or they would die. 


N 


178 


Alice’s evidence. 


“The trial cannot proceed,” said the King, in 
a very grave voice, “ until all the jurymen are 
back in their proper places — all” he repeated 
with great emphasis, looking hard at Alice as he 
said so. 

Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, 
in her haste, she had put the Lizard in head 
downwards, and the poor little thing was 
waving its tail about in a melancholy way, 
being quite unable to move. She soon got it 
out again, and put it right ; “ not that it signifies 
much,” she said to herself ; “ I should think it 
would be quite as much use in the trial one 
way up as the other.” 

As soon as the jury had a little recovered 
from the shock of being upset, and their slates 
and pencils had been found and handed back 
to them, they set to work very diligently to 
write out a history of the accident, all except 
the Lizard, who seemed too much overcome to 
do anything but sit with its mouth open, gazing 
up into the roof of the court. 


ALICE’S EVIDENCE. 


179 


“ What do you know about this business ? ” 
the King said to Alice. 

“ Nothing,” said Alice. 

“ Nothing whatever?” persisted the King. 

“Nothing whatever,” said Alice. 

“ That ’s very important,” the King said, turn- 
ing to the jury. They were just beginning to 
write this down on their slates, when the White 
Kabbit interrupted : “ [/^important, your Majesty 
means, of course,” he said, in a very respectful 
tone, but frowning and making faces at him as 
he spoke. 

“ ^important, of course, I meant,” the King 
hastily said, and went on to himself in an under- 
tone, “ important — unimportant — unimportant — 

important ” as if he were trying which word 

sounded best. 

Some of the jury wrote it down “ important,” 
and some “ unimportant.” Alice could see this, 
as she was near enough to look over their slates ; 
“ but it doesn’t matter a bit,” she thought to 
herself. 

N 2 


180 


Alice's evidence. 


At this moment the King, who had been foi 
some time busily writing in his note-book, called 
out “ Silence ! ”, and read out from his book, 
“Rule Forty-two. All persons more than a mile 
high to leave the court” 

Everybody looked at Alice. 

“I'm not a mile high,” said Alice. 

“You are,” said the King. 

“Nearly two miles high,” added the Queen. 

“Well, I sha’n’t go, at any rate,” said Alice : 
“ besides, that ’s not a regular rule : you invented 
it just now.” 

“ It ’s the oldest rule in the book,” said the 
King. 

“ Then it ought to be Number One,” said Alice. 

The King turned pale, and shut his note- 
book hastily. “ Consider your verdict,” he said to 
the jury, in a low trembling voice. 

“There’s more evidence to come yet, please 
your Majesty,” said the White Rabbit, jumping 
up in a great hurry: “this paper has just been 
picked up.” 


ALICE'S EVIDENCE. 


181 


“ What ’s in it ? ” said the Queen. 

“ I haven’t opened it yet,” said the White 
Rabbit ; “ but it seems to be a letter, written by 
the prisoner to — to somebody.” 

“ It must have been that,” said the King, 
“unless it was written to nobody, which isn’t 
usual, you know.” 

“ Who is it directed to ? ” said one of the 
jurymen. 

“ It isn’t directed at all,” said the White 
Rabbit : “in fact, there ’s nothing written on the 
outside .” He unfolded the paper as he spoke, and 
added “ It isn’t a letter, after all : it ’s a set of 
verses.” 

“ Are they in the prisoner’s handwriting ? ” 
asked another of the jurymen. 

“No, they’re not,” said the White Rabbit, 
“and that’s the queerest thing about it.” (The 
jury all looked puzzled.) 

“ He must have imitated somebody else’s 
hand,” said the King. (The jury all brightened 
up again.) 


182 


ALICE'S EVIDENCE. 


“ Please your Majesty/' said the Knave, “ I 
didn’t write it, and they ca’n’t prove that I did : 
there’s no name signed at the end.” 

“ If you didn’t sign it,” said the King, “ that 
only makes the matter worse. You must have 
meant some mischief, or else you’d have signed 
your name like an honest man.” 

There was a general clapping of hands at this : 
it was the first really clever thing the King had 
said that day. 

“That proves his guilt, of course,” said the 
Queen : “so, off with .” 

“ It doesn’t prove anything of the sort ! ” 
said Alice. “ Why, you don’t even know what 
they ’re about ! ” 

“ Read them,” said the King. 

The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. 
“ Where shall I begin, please your Majesty ? ” 
he asked. 

“ Begin at the beginning,” the King said, 
very gravely, “ and go on till you come to the 
end : then stop.” 


Alice’s evidence. 


183 


There was dead silence in the court, whilst 
the White Eabbit read out these verses : — 

“ They told me you had been to her , 

And mentioned me to him: 

She gave me a good character , 

But said I could not swim. 

He sent them ivord I had not gone 
(We know it to be true): 

If she should push the matter on , 

What would become of you ? 

I gave her one, they gave him two, 

You gave us three or more; 

They all returned from him to you , 

Though they were mine before. 

if i or she should chance to be 

Involved in this affair, 

He trusts to you to set them free, 

Exactly as we were. 


184 


ALICE S EVIDENCE. 


My notion was that you had been 
(Before she had this Jit) 

An obstacle that came between 
Him , and ourselves , and it 

Don't let him know she liked them best, 
For this must ever be 
A secret , kept from all the rest, 

Between yourself and me .” 


“ That ’s the most important piece of evidence 
we ’ve heard yet,” said the King, rubbing his 

hands ; “ so now let the jury ” 

“ If any one of them can explain it,” said 
Alice, (she had grown so large in the last few 
minutes that she wasn’t a bit afraid of inter- 
rupting him,) “ I ’ll give him sixpence. I don’t 
believe there’s an atom of meaning in it.” 

The jury all wrote down, on their slates, 
“ She doesn’t believe there ’s an atom of meaning 
in it,” but none of them attempted to explain 
the paper. 


ALICE'S EVIDENCE. 


185 


“ If there ’s no meaning in it,” said the 
King, “ that saves a world of trouble, you 
know, as we needn’t try to find any. And 
yet I don’t know,” he went on, spreading out 
the verses on his knee, and looking at them 
with one eye ; “ I seem to see some meaning in 
them, after all. 4 — said I could not swim — ’ 
you ca’n’t swim, can you ? ” he added, turning 
to the Knave. 

The Knave shook his head sadly. 44 Do I 
look like it ? ” he said. (Which he certainly 
did not , being made entirely of cardboard.) 

44 A11 right, so far,” said the King; and he 
went on muttering over the verses to himself : 
“ 4 We know it to be true ’ — that ’s the jury, of 
course — 4 If she should push the matter on ’ — 
that must be the Queen — 4 What would become 
of you ? ’ — What, indeed ! — 4 I gave her one , they 
gave him two ’ — why, that must be what he did 
with the tarts, you know ” 

44 But it goes on 4 they all returned from 
him to you ” said Alice. 


186 


ALICES EVIDENCE. 



“ Why, there they 
are ? ” said the King 
triumphantly, pointing 
to the tarts on the 
table. “ Nothing can be 
clearer than that. Then 
again — ‘ before she had 
this fit ’ — you never 
had fits , my dear, I 
think ? ” he said to the 
Queen. 

“ Never ! ” said the 
Queen, furiously, throw- 


mg an inkstand at the Lizard as she spoke. 
(The unfortunate little Bill had left off writing 
on his slate with one finger, as he found it made 


Alice’s evidence. 


187 


no mark ; but lie now hastily began again, using 
the ink, that was trickling down his face, as 
long as it lasted.) 

“Then the words don’t jit you,” said the 
King, looking round the court with a smile. 
There was a dead silence. 

“ It ’s a pun ! ” the King added in an angry 
tone, and everybody laughed. “ Let the jury 
consider their verdict,” the King said, for about 
the twentieth time that day. 

“No, no ! ” said the Queen. “ Sentence first — 
verdict afterwards.” 

“ Stuff and nonsense ! ” said Alice loudly. “ The 
idea of having the sentence first ! ” 

“ Hold your tongue ! ” said the Queen, turn- 
ing purple. 

“ I wo’n’t ! ” said Alice. 

“ Off with her head ! ” the Queen shouted at 
the top of her voice. Nobody moved. 

“Who cares for you?” said Alice (she had 
grown to her full size by this time). “You’re 
nothing but a pack of cards I ” 


ALICES EVIDENCE. 





At this the whole pack rose up into the air, 
and came flying down upon her; she 


gave a 


ALICES EVIDENCE. 


189 


little scream, half of fright and half of anger, 
and tried to beat them off, and found herself 
lying on the bank, with her head in the lap of 
her sister, who was gently brushing away some 
dead leaves that had fluttered down from the 
trees upon her face. 

“ Wake up, Alice dear ! ” said her sister. 
14 Why, what a long sleep you Ve had ! ” 

“ Oh, I Ve had such a curious dream ! ” said 
Alice. And she told her sister, as well as she 
could remember them, all these strange Adven- 
tures of hers that you have just been reading 
about ; and, when she had finished, her sister 
kissed her, and said 44 It was a curious dream, 
dear, certainly ; but now run in to your tea : 
it’s getting late.” So Alice got up and ran off, 
thinking while she ran, as well she might, what 
a wonderful dream it had been. 


190 


But her sister sat still just as she left her, 
leaning her head on her hand, watching the 
setting sun, and thinking of little Alice and all 
her wonderful Adventures, till she too began 
dreaming after a fashion, and this was her 
dream 

First, she dreamed about little Alice herself : 
once again the tiny hands were clasped upon 
her knee, and the bright eager eyes were look- 
ing up into hers — she could hear the very tones 
of her voice, and see that queer little toss of 
her head to keep back the wandering hair that 
would always get into her eyes — and still as 
she listened, or seemed to listen, the whole 
place around her became alive with the strange 
creatures of her little sister’s dream. 


191 


The long grass rustled at her feet as the 
White Rabbit hurried by — the frightened Mouse 
splashed his way through the neighbouring pool 
— she could hear the rattle of the teacups as 
the March Hare and his friends shared their 
never-ending meal, and the shrill voice of the 
Queen ordering off her unfortunate guests to 
execution — once more the pig-baby was sneezing 
on the Duchess’ knee, while plates and dishes 
crashed around it — once more the shriek of the 
Gryphon, the squeaking of the Lizard’s slate- 
pencil, and the choking of the suppressed guinea- 
pigs, filled the air, mixed up with the distant 
sob of the miserable Mock Turtle. 

So she sat on, with closed eyes, and half 
believed herself in Wonderland, though she 
knew she had but to open them again, and all 
would change to dull reality — the grass would 
be only rustling in the wind, and the pool rip- 
pling to the waving of the reeds — the rattling 
teacups would change to tinkling sheep-bells, 
and the Queen’s shrill cries to the voice of the 


192 


shepherd-boy — and the sneeze of the baby, the 
shriek of the Gryphon, and all the other queer 
noises, would change (she knew) to the con- 
fused clamour of the busy farm-yard — while the 
lowing of the cattle in the distance would take 
the place of the Mock Turtle’s heavy sobs. 

Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same 
little sister of hers would, in the after-time, be 
herself a grown woman ; and how she would 
keep, through all her riper years, the simple and 
loving heart of her childhood ; and how she 
would gather about her other little children, and 
make their eyes bright and eager with many a 
strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of 
Wonderland of long ago ; and how she w r ould 
feel with all their simple sorrows, and find a 
pleasure in all their simple joys, remembering 
her own child-life, and the happy summer days. 

THE END. 


Printed in the United States of America. 


THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS, 


AND WHAT ALICE FOUND THERE. 




R ED. 



WHITE. 


White Pawn {Alice) to play , and win in eleven moves. 


PAGE 

1. Alice meets R. Q. . . 32 

2. Alice through Q’s 3d (by 

railway ) .... 44 

to Q’s 4th ( Tweedledum 
and Tweedledee ) . . 49 

3. Alice meets W. Q. (with 

shawl ) 84 

4. Alice to Q’s 5th (shop, 

river, shop) .... 93 

5. Alice to Q’s 6th (Humpty 

Dumpty ) .... 103 

6. Alice to Q’s 7th (forest) 141 

7. W. Kt. takes R. Kt. . 146 

8. Alice to Q’s 8th (coro- 

nation) 166 

9. Alice becomes Queen . 178 

10. Alice castles (feast ) . . 185 

11. Alice takes R. Q. & wins 195 


PAGE 

1. R. Q. to K. R’s 4th . 41 

2. W. Q. to Q.B’s 4th (after 

shawl ) 84 

3. W. Q. to Q. B’s 5th (be- 

comes sheep ) ... 92 

4. W. Q. to K. B’s 8th 

(leaves egg on shelf) . 102 

5. W. Q. to Q. B’s 8th (fly- 

ing from R. Kt.) . . 136 

6. R. Kt. to K’s 2nd (ch.). 144 

7. W. Kt. to K. B’s 5th . 165 

8. R. Q. to K’s sq. (exam- 

ination) 169 

9. Queens castle . . . 181 

10. W.Q. to Q. R’s 6th (soup) 191 











THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS 


AND WHAT ALICE FOUND THERE 


LEWIS CARROLL 


WITH FIFTY ILLU STRATIONS 
BY JOHN TENNIEL 


Nefo ffork 

i*HE MACMILLAN COMPANY 

LONDON : MACMILLAN & CO., Ltd. 

1921 


All riyhiH reserved 


Printed March, 1898. Reprinted June, October, 1899; July, 1901; 
February, 1902; August, 1904; August, 1905; March, 1907; January, 
September, 1910; January, 1911; September, 1912 ; November, 1913. 
New edition September, 1906; June, 1908; August, 1911. 

Two volumes in one, October, 1906; July, 1910 ; March, July, 19x3' 
June, November, 1914; August, 1915; June, July, December, 1916; 
April, 1917. 


Nortonob ^retsa: 

Berwick & Smith Co., Norwood, Mass., U.S.A, 


PREFACE 


As the chess-problem, given on a previous page, has 
puzzled some of my readers, it may be well to explain 
that it is correctly worked out, so far as the moves are 
concerned. The alternation of Red and White is perhaps 
not so strictly observed as it might be, and the “ castling ” 
of the three Queens is merely a way of saying that they 
entered the palace : but the “ check ” of the White King 
at move 6, the capture of the Red Knight at move 7, and 
the final “ checkmate ” of the Red King, will be found, by 
any one who will take the trouble to set the pieces and 
play the moves as directed, to be strictly in accordance 
with the laws of the game. 

The new words, in the poem “ Jabberwocky ” (see 
p. 21), have given rise to some differences of opinion 
as to their pronunciation : so it may be well to give 
instructions on that point also. Pronounce “ slithy ” as 
if it were the two words “ sly, the ” : make the ‘ g ’ hard 
in “gyre” and “gimble”: and pronounce “rath” to rhyme 
with “ bath.” 

For this sixty-first thousand, fresh electrotypes have 
been taken from the wood-blocks (which, never having 
been used for printing from, are in as good condition as 
when first cut in 1871), and the whole book has been set 
up afresh with new type. If the artistic qualities of this 
re-issue fall short, in any particular, of those possessed by 
the original issue, it will not be for want of painstaking 
on the part of author, publisher, or printer. 


viii 


PREFACE 


I take this opportunity of announcing that the Nursery 
“ Alice,” hitherto priced at four shillings, net, is now to 
be had on the same terms as the ordinary shilling picture- 
books^although I feel sure that it is, in every quality 
(except the text itself, on which I am not qualified to 
pronounce), greatly superior to them. Four shillings was 
a perfectly reasonable price to charge, considering the very 
heavy initial outlay I had incurred : still, as the Public 
have practically said “We will not give more than a 
shilling for a picture-book, however artistically got-up,” 
I am content to reckon my outlay on the book as so much 
dead loss, and, rather than let the little ones, for whom it 
was written, go without it, I am selling it at a price which 
is, to me, much the same thing as giving it away. 


Christmas , 1896. 


Child of the pure unclouded brow 
And dreaming eyes of wonder ! 
Though time be fleet, and I and thou 
Are half a life asunder, 

Thy loving smile will surely hail 
The love-gift of a fairy-tale. 


I have not seen thy sunny face, 

Nor heard thy silver laughter : 

No thought of me shall find a place 
In thy young life’s hereafter — 
Enough that now thou wilt not fail 
To listen to my fairy-tale. 


A tale begun in other days, 

When summer suns were glowing — 

A simple chime, that served to time 
The rhythm of our rowing — 

Whose echoes live in memory yet, 
Though envious years would say ‘forget.’ 


Come, hearken then, ere voice of dread, 
With bitter tidings laden, 

Shall summon to unwelcome bed 
A melancholy maiden ! 

We are but older children, dear, 

Who fret to find our bedtime near. 


Without, the frost, the blinding snow, 
The storm-wind’s moody madness — 
Within, the firelight’s ruddy glow, 

And childhood’s nest of gladness. 
The magic words shall hold thee fast : 
Thou shalt not heed the raving blast. 


And, though the shadow of a sigh 
May tremble through the story, 

For ‘ happy summer days ’ gone by, 

And vanish’d summer glory — 

It shall not touch, with breath of bale, 
The pleasance of our fairy-tale. 




CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER PAGE 

I. LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE 1 

II. THE GARDEN OF LIVE FLOWERS 26 

III. LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS 46 

IV. TWEEDLEDUM AND TWEEDLEDEE 66 

V. WOOL AND WATER . . .* 91 

VI. HUMPTY DUMPTY 113 

VII. THE LION AND THE UNICORN 137 

vm. “it’s my own invention” 157 

IX. QUEEN ALICE 185 

X. SHAKING ' 215 

XI. WAKING 216 

XII. WHICH DREAMED IT ? 218 






CHRISTMAS-GREETINGS 


[from a fairy to a child.] 


Lady dear, if Fairies may 
For a moment lay aside 
Cunning tricks and elfish play, 
’Tis at happy Christmas-tide. 


We have heard the children say — 
Gentle children, whom we love — 
Long ago, on Christmas Day, 

Came a message from above. 


Still, as Christmas-tide comes round, 
They remember it again — 

Echo still the joyful sound 
“Peace on earth, good-will to menT 


Yet the hearts must childlike be 
Where such heavenly guests abide; 
Unto children, in their glee, 

All the year is Christmas-tide ! 


Thus, forgetting tricks and play 
For a moment, Lady dear, 

We would wish you, if we may, 
Merry Christmas, glad New Year 1 


Christmas , 1867. 











V 


























. . : • J /. < ; •; r. ; 














• 





























































CHAPTER I. 

LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 

One thing was certain, that the white kitten 
had had nothing to do with it — it was the black 
kitten's fault entirely. For the white kitten had 
been having its face washed by the old cat 
for the last quarter of an hour (and bearing it 
pretty well, considering) : so you see that it 
couldn't have had any hand in the mischief. 

£ 


B 


2 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 


The way Dinah washed her children's faces 
was this : first she held the poor thing down 
by its ear with one paw, and then with the 
other paw she rubbed its face all over, the 
wrong way, beginning at the nose : and just 
now, as I said, she was hard at work on the 
white kitten, which was lying quite still and 
trying to purr — no doubt feeling that it was 
all meant for its good. 

But the black kitten had been finished with 
earlier in the afternoon, and so, while Alice was 
sitting curled up in a corner of the great arm- 
chair, half talking to herself and half asleep, 
the kitten had been having a grand game of 
romps with the ball of worsted Alice had been 
trying to wind up, and had been rolling it 
up and down till it had all come undone again ; 
and there it was, spread over the hearth-rug, 
all knots and tangles, with the kitten running 
after its own tail in the middle. 

“ Oh, you wicked wicked little thing ! ” cried 
Alice, catching up the kitten, and giving it 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 


little kiss to make it understand that it was in 
disgrace. “ Really, Dinah ought to have taught 
you better manners ! You ought , Dinah, you 
know you ought ! ” she added, looking reproach- 
fully at the old cat, and speaking in as cross 
a voice as she could manage — and then she 
scrambled back into the arm-chair, taking the 
kitten and the worsted with her, and began 
winding up the ball again. But she didn’t get 
on very fast, as she was talking all the time, 
sometimes to the kitten, and sometimes to herself. 
Kitty sat very demurely on her knee, pretending 
to watch the progress of the winding, and now 
and then putting out one paw and gently touching 
the ball, as if it would be glad to help if it might. 

“ Do you know what to-morrow is, Kitty ? ” 
Alice began. “ You ’d have guessed if you ’d 
been up in the window with me — only Dinah 
was making you tidy, so you couldn’t. I was 
watching the boys getting in sticks for the 
bonfire — and it wants plenty of sticks, Kitty ! 
Only it got so cold, and it snowed so, they 
B 2 


4 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 


had to leave off. Never mind, Kitty, we ’ll go 
and see the bonfire to-morrow.” Here Alice 
wound two or three turns of the worsted 
round the kitten’s neck, just to see how it 
would look : this led to a scramble, in which the 
ball rolled down upon the floor, and yards and 
yards of it got unwound again. 

“ Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,” Alice 
went on, as soon as they were comfortably 
settled again, “ when I saw all the mischief you 
had been doing, I was very nearly opening the 
window, and putting you out into the snow ! 
And you ’d have deserved it, you little mis- 
chievous darling ! What have you got to say 
for yourself ? Now don’t interrupt me ! ” she 
went on, holding up one finger. “ I’m going 
to tell you all your faults. Number one : you 
squeaked twice while Dinah was washing your 
face this morning. Now you ca’n’t deny it, 
Kitty : I heard you ! What’s that you say ? ” 
(pretending that the kitten was speaking). “ Her 
paw went into your eye ? Well, that ’s your 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 


5 



fault, for keeping your eyes open — if you ’d shut 
them tight up, it wouldn’t have happened. Now 
don’t make any more excuses, but listen ! Num- 


6 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 


ber two : you pulled Snowdrop away by the 
tail just as I had put down the saucer of milk 
before her ! What, you were thirsty, were you ? 
How do you know she wasn't thirsty too ? 
Now for number three : you unwound every 

bit of the worsted while I wasn't looking ! 

“That’s three faults, Kitty, and you’ve not 
been punished for any of them yet. You know 
I 'm saving up all your punishments for Wed- 
nesday week — Suppose they had saved up all 
my punishments ? ” she went on, talking more 
to herself than the kitten. “ What would they 
do at the end of a year ? I should be sent 
to prison, I suppose, when the day came. 

Or — let me see — suppose each punishment was 
to be going without a dinner : then, when 

the miserable day came, I should have to go 

without fifty dinners at once ! Well, I shouldn’t 
mind that much ! I 'd far rather go without 
them than eat them ! 

“Do you hear the snow against the window- 
panes, Kitty ? How nice and soft it sounds ! 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 


7 


Just as if some one was kissing the window all 
over outside. I wonder if the snow loves the 
trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently ? 
And then it covers them up snug, you know, 
with a white quilt ; and perhaps it says 4 Go to 
sleep, darlings, till the summer comes again.’ 
And when they wake up in the summer, Kitty, 
they dress themselves all in green, and dance 
about — whenever the wind blows — oh, that ’s 
very pretty ! ” cried Alice, dropping the ball 
of worsted to clap her hands. “And I do so 
ivish it was true ! I’m sure the woods look 
sleepy in the autumn, when the leaves are 
getting brown. 

4 4 Kitty, can you play chess ? Now, don’t smile, 
my dear, I’m asking it seriously. Because, when 
we were playing just now, you watched just as 
if you understood it : and when I said 4 Check ! ’ 
you purred ! Well, it was a nice check, Kitty, 
and really I might have won, if it hadn’t been 
for that nasty Knight, that came wriggling down 
among my pieces. Kitty, dear, let ’s pretend ” 


8 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 


And here I wish I could tell you half the 
things Alice used to say, beginning with her 
favourite phrase “ Let ’s pretend.” She had had 
quite a long argument with her sister only the 
day before — all because Alice had begun with 
“ Let ’s pretend we ’re kings and queens ; ” and her 
sister, who liked being very exact, had argued 
that they couldn’t, because there were only two 
of them, and Alice had been reduced at last to 
say “ Well, you can be one of them, then, and 
I'll be all the rest.” And once she had really 
frightened her old nurse by shouting suddenly 
in her ear, “ Nurse ! Do let ’s pretend that I ’m 
a hungry hysena, and you’re a bone ! ” 

But this is taking us away from Alice’s 
speech to the kitten. “Let’s pretend that you’re 
the Red Queen, Kitty ! Do you know, I think if 
you sat up and folded your arms, you’d look 
exactly like her. Now do try, there ’s a dear ! ” 
And Alice got the Red Queen off the table, and 
set it up before the kitten as a model for it to 
imitate : however, the thing didn’t succeed, prin- 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 


9 


cipally, Alice said, because the kitten wouldn’t 
fold its arms properly. So, to punish it, she held 
it up to the Looking-glass, that it might see how 
sulky it was, “ — and if you’re not good directly,” 
she added, “I’ll put you through into Looking- 
glass House. How would you like that f 

“Now, if you’ll only attend, Kitty, and not 
talk so much, I’ll tell you all my ideas about 
Looking-glass House. First, there’s the room you 
can see through the glass — that’s just the same 
as our drawing-room, only the things go the 
other way. I can see all of it when I get upon 
a chair — all but the bit just behind the fire- 
place. Oh ! I do so wish I could see that bit ! 
I want so much to know whether they’ve a 
fire in the winter : you never can tell, you 
know, unless our fire smokes, and then smoke 
comes up in that room too — but that may be 
only pretence, just to make it look as if they 
had a fire. Well then, the books are something 
like our books, only the words go the wrong 
way : I know that , because I ’ve held up one of 


10 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 


our books to the glass, and then they hold up 
one in the other room. 

“ How would you like to live in Looking- 
glass House, Kitty ? I wonder if they ’d give 
you milk in there ? Perhaps Looking-glass milk 
isn’t good to drink — but oh, Kitty ! now we 
come to the passage. You can just see a little 
; peep of the passage in Looking-glass House, if 
you leave the door of our drawing-room wide 
open : and it ’s very like our passage as far as 
you can see, only you know it may be quite 
different on beyond. Oh, Kitty, how nice it 
would be if we could only get through into 
Looking-glass House ! I ’m sure it ’s got, oh ! 
such beautiful things in it ! Let ’s pretend there ’s 
a way of getting through into it, somehow, 
Kitty. Let’s pretend the glass has got all soft 
like gauze, so that we can get through. Why, 
it ’s turning into a sort of mist now, I declare ! 

It’ll be easy enough to get through ” She 

was up on the chimney-piece while she said 
this, though she hardly knew how she had got 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSL 


11 



there. And certainly the glass was beginning 
to melt away, just like a bright silvery mist. 

In another moment Alice was through the 



12 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 



glass, and had jumped lightly down into the 
Looking-glass room. The very first thing she did 
was to look whether there was a fire in the 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 


13 


fireplace, and she was quite pleased to find that 
there was a real one, blazing away as brightly 
as the one she had left behind. “So I shall be 
as warm here as I was in the old room,” thought 
Alice : “ warmer, in fact, because there ’ll be no 
one here to scold me away from the fire. % Oh, 
what fun it ’ll be, when they see me through 
the glass in here, and ca’n’t get at me ! ” 

Then she began looking about, and noticed 
that what could be seen from the old room 
was quite common and uninteresting, but that 
all the rest was as different as possible. For 
instance, the pictures on the wall next the fire 
seemed to be all alive, and the very clock on 
the chimney-piece (you know you can only see 
the back of it in the Looking-glass) had got 
the face of a little old man, and grinned at her. 

“ They don’t keep this room so tidy as the 
other,” Alice thought to herself, as she noticed 
several of the chessmen down in the hearth 
among the cinders ; but in another moment, with 
a little “ Oh ! ” of surprise, she was down on her 


14 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 


hands and knees watching them. The chessmen 
were walking about, two and two ! 

“ Here are the Red King and the Red 

Queen,” Alice said (in a whisper, for fear of 
frightening them), “and there are the White 

King’ and the White Queen sitting on the edge 
of the shovel — and here are two Castles walk- 
ing arm in arm — I don’t think they can 

hear me,” she went on, as she put her head 



LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 


15 


closer down, “and I’m nearly sure they ca’n’t 
see me. I feel somehow as if I was getting 
invisible ” 

Here something began squeaking on the table 
behind Alice, and made her turn her head just 
in time to see one of the White Pawns roll 
over and begin kicking : she watched it with 
great curiosity to see what would happen next. 

“ It is the voice of my child ! ” the White 
Queen cried out, as she rushed past the King, 
so violently that she knocked him over among 
the cinders. “ My precious Lily ! My imperial 
kitten ! ” and she began scrambling wildly up 
the side of the fender. 

“ Imperial fiddlestick ! ” said the King, rub- 
bing his nose, which had been hurt by the fall. 
He had a right to be a little annoyed with 
the Queen, for he was covered with ashes from 
head to foot. 

Alice was very anxious to be of use, and, 
as the poor little Lily was nearly screaming her- 
self into a fit, she hastily picked up the Queen 


16 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 


and set her on the table by the side of her 
noisy little daughter. 

The Queen gasped, and sat down : the rapid 
journey through the air had quite taken away 
her breath, and for a minute or two she could 
do nothing but hug the little Lily in silence. 
As soon as she had recovered her breath a little, 
she called out to the White King, who was sitting 
sulkily among the ashes, “Mind the volcano !” 

“ What volcano ? ” said the King, looking up 
anxiously into the fire, as if he thought that 
was the most likely place to find one. 

“ Blew — me — up,” panted the Queen, who was 
still a little out of breath. “ Mind you come 
up — the regular way — don’t get blown up ! ” 
Alice watched the White King as he slowly 
struggled up from bar to bar, till at last she 
said “Why, you’ll be hours and hours getting 
to the table, at that rate. I’d far better help 
you, hadn’t I ? ” But the King took no notice 
of the question : it was quite clear that he could 
neither hear her nor see her. 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 


17 



So Alice picked him up very gently, and 
lifted him across more slowly than she had lifted 
the Queen, that she mightn’t take his breath 
away ; but, before she put him on the table, she 
thought she might as well dust him a little, 
he was so covered with ashes. 

She said afterwards that she had never seen 
in all her life such a face as the King made, 
when he found himself held in the air by an 

c 


18 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 


invisible hand, and being dusted : he was far too 
much astonished to cry out, but his eyes and 
his mouth went on getting larger and larger, 
and rounder and rounder, till her hand shook 
so with laughing that she nearly let him drop 
upon the floor. 

“ Oh! 'please don’t make such faces, my dear ! ” 
she cried out, quite forgetting that the King 
couldn’t hear her. “You make me laugh so 
that I can hardly hold you ! And don’t keep 
your mouth so wide open ! All the ashes will 
get into it — there, now I think you’re tidy 
enough ! ” she added, as she smoothed his hair, 
and set him upon the table near the Queen. 

The King immediately fell flat on his back, 
and lay perfectly still ; and Alice was a little 
alarmed at what she had done, and went round 
the room to see if she could find any water to 
throw over him. However, she could find 
nothing but a bottle of ink, and when she got 
back with it she found he had recovered, and 
he and the Queen were talking together in a 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 


19 


frightened whisper — so low, that Alice could 
hardly hear what they said. 

The King was saying “ I assure you, my 
dear, I turned cold to the very ends of my 
whiskers ! ” 

To which the Queen replied “ You haven’t 
got any whiskers.” 

4 4 The horror of that moment,” the King went 
on, 44 1 shall never, never forget ! ” 

44 You will, though,” the Queen said, 44 if you 
don’t make a memorandum of it.” 

Alice looked on with great interest as the 
King took an enormous memorandum-book out 
of his pocket, and began writing. A sudden 
thought struck her, and she took hold of the 
end of the pencil, which came some way over 
his shoulder, and began writing for him. 

The poor King looked puzzled and unhappy, 
and struggled with the pencil for some time 
without saying anything ; but Alice was too 
strong for him, and at last he panted out 44 My 
dear ! I really must get a thinner pencil. I ca’n’t 
c 2 


20 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 


manage this one a bit : it writes all manner 

of things that I don’t intend ” 

“ What manner of things ? ” said the Queen, 
looking over the book (in which Alice had put 

4 The White Knight 
is sliding down the 
poker. He balances 
very badly'). “That’s 
not a memorandum 
of your feelings ! ” 
There was a book 
lying near Alice on 
the table, and while 
she sat watching 
the White King (for 
she was still a little 
anxious about him, 
and had the ink all ready to throw over 
him, in case he fainted again), she turned over 
the leaves, to find some part that she could 
read, “ — for it’s all in some language I don’t 
know,” she said to herself. 



LOOKING -GLASS HOUSE. 


21 


It was like this. 

V 

•.afooi sito aw aX&rcM^ fowoD 5A& 

t astfo\mo6 arrow Wk 

.a6m\>$>wo ?A\m ajmrcv kirk 


She puzzled over this for some time, but 
at last a bright thought struck her. “ Why, 
it’s a Looking-glass book, of course ! And, if 
I hold it up to a glass, the words will all go 
the right way again.” 

This was the poem that Alice read. 


JABBERWOCKY. 

’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves 
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe: 
All mimsy were the borogoves, 

And the mome raths outgrabe. 


22 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 


“Beware the Jabberwock, my son! 

The jaws that bite , the claws that catch ! 
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun 
The frumious Bandersnatch ! ” 


He took his vorpal sword in hand: 

Long time the manxome foe he sought — 
So rested he by the Tumtum tree, 

And stood awhile in thought. 


And, as in uffish thought he stood, 

The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame, 
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood, 
And burbled as it came ! 


One, two! One, two! And through and through 
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack! 

He left it dead, and with its head 
He went galumphing back. 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE 


23 















24 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 


“And hast thou slain the Jabber wock? 

Come to my arms , my beamish boy ! 
0 frabjous day ! Callooh ! Callay ! ” 
He chortled in his joy. 


’ Twas brillig , and the slithy toves 
Did gyre and gimhle in the wabe : 
All mimsy were the borogoves, 

And the mome raths outgrabe. 


“ It seems very pretty,” she said when she 
had finished it, “ but it’s rather hard to under- 
stand ! ” (You see she didn’t like to confess, even 
to herself, that she couldn’t make it out at all.) 
“ Somehow it seems to fill my head with ideas 
— only I don’t exactly know what they are ! 
However, somebody killed something : that’s clear, 
at any rate ” 

“ But oh ! ” thought Alice, suddenly jumping 
up, “ if I don’t make haste, I shall have to 


LOOKING-GLASS HOUSE. 


25 


go back through the Looking-glass, before I’ve 
seen what the rest of the house is like ! Let’s 
have a look at the garden first ! ” She was out 
of the room in a moment, and ran down stairs 
— or, at least, it wasn’t exactly running, but a 
new invention for getting down stairs quickly 
and easily, as Alice said to herself. She just 
kept the tips of her fingers on the hand-rail, 
and floated gently down without even touching 
the stairs with her feet : then she floated on 
through the hall, and would have gone straight 
out at the door in the same way, if she hadn’t 
caught hold of the door-post. She was getting 
a little giddy with so much floating in the air, 
and was rather glad to find herself walking 
again in the natural way. 


CHAPTER II. 


THE GARDEN OF LIVE FLOWERS. 

“X should see the garden far better, 1 ” said 
Alice to herself, “if I could get to the top of 
that hill : and here’s a path that leads straight 

to it — at least, no, it doesn’t do that ” 

(after going a few yards along the path, and 
turning several sharp corners), “but I suppose 
it will at last. But how curiously it twists ! 
It’s more like a corkscrew than a path ! Well, 
this turn goes to the hill, I suppose — no, it 
doesn’t ! This goes straight back to the house ! 
Well then, I’ll try it the other way.” 

And so she did : wandering up and down, 


27 


^ _ 

THE GA&BlN. OF LIVE FLOWERS 

and trying turn after turn, but always coming 
back to the house, do What she would. Indeed, 
once, when she turned a corner rather more 
quickly than usual, j^he ran against it before 
she could stop herself. 

“ It’s no use talking about it,” Alice said, 
looking up at the house and pretending it was 
arguing with her. “ I'm not going in again 
yet. I know I should have to get through the 
Looking-glass again — back into the old room — 
and there’d be an end of all my adventures ! ” 

So, resolutely turning her back upon the 
house, she set out once more down the path, 
determined to keep straight on till she got to 
the hill. For a few minutes all went on well, 
and she was just saying “ I really shall do it 

this time ” when the path gave a sudden 

twist and shook itself (as she described it after- 
wards), and the next moment she found herself 
actually walking in at the door. 

“ Oh, it’s too bad ! ” she cried. “ I never saw 
such a house for getting in the way ! Never ! ” 


28 


THE GARDEN OF 


However, there was the hill full in sight, 
so there was nothing to be done but start 
again. This time she came upon a large flower- 
bed, with a border of daisies, and a willow-tree 
growing in the middle. 

“ 0 Tiger-lily ! ” said Alice, addressing her- 
self to one that was waving gracefully about 
in the wind, “ I wish you could talk ! ” 

“We can talk/’ said the Tiger-lily, “when 
there’s anybody worth talking to.” 

Alice was so astonished that she couldn’t 
speak for a minute : it quite seemed to take 
her breath away. At length, as the Tiger-lily 
only went on waving about, she spoke again, 
in a timid voice — almost in a whisper. “And 
can all the flowers talk ? ” 

“As well as you can,” said the Tiger-lily. 
“And a great deal louder.” 

“ It isn’t manners for us to begin, you 
know,” said the Rose, “ and I really was won- 
dering when you’d speak! Said I to myself, 
‘Her face has got some sense in it, though 


LIVE FLOWERS. 


29 



it’s not a clever one ! ' 
Still, you're the right 
colour, and that goes 
a long way.” 


“I don't care about the colour,” the Tiger- 
lily remarked. “ If only her petals curled up a 
little more, she'd be all right.” 


30 


THE GARDEN OF 


Alice didn’t like being criticized, so she 
began asking questions. “ Aren’t you sometimes 
frightened at being planted out here, with no- 
body to take care of you ? ” 

“ There’s the tree in the middle,” said the 
Rose. “ What else is it good for ? ” 

“ But what could it do, if any danger 
came ? ” Alice asked. 

“ It could bark,” said the Rose. 

“ It says ‘ Bough-wough ! ’ ” cried a Daisy. 
“ That’s why its branches are called boughs ! ” 

“ Didn’t you know that?” cried another 
Daisy. And here they all began shouting together, 
till the air seemed quite full of little shrill 
voices. “ Silence, every one of you ! ” cried 
the Tiger-lily, waving itself passionately from 
side to side, and trembling with excitement. 
“ They know I ca’n’t get at them ! ” it panted, 
bending its quivering head towards Alice, “ or 
they wouldn’t dare to do it ! ” 

“ Never mind ! ” Alice said in a soothing 
tone, and, stooping down to the daisies, who 


LIVE FLOWERS. 


were just beginning again, she whispered “ If 
you don’t hold your tongues, I’ll pick you ! ” 

There was silence in a moment, and several 
of the pink daisies turned white. 

“ That’s right ! ” said the Tiger-lily. ‘ The 
daisies are worst of all. When one speaks, they 
all begin together, and it’s enough to make 
one wither to hear the way they go on ! ” 

“ How is it you can all talk so nicely ? ” 
Alice said, hoping to get it into a better temper 
by a compliment. “ I’ve been in many gardens 
before, but none of the flowers could talk.” 

“ Put your hand down, and feel the ground,” 
said the Tiger-lily. “ Then you’ll know why.” 

Alice did so. “ It’s very hard,” she said ; 
“ but I don’t see what that has to do with it.” 

“ In most gardens,” the Tiger-lily said, “ they 
make the beds too soft — so that the flowers 
are always asleep.” 

This sounded a very good reason, and Alice 
was quite pleased to know it. “ I never thought 
of that before ! " she said. 


32 


THE GARDEN OF 


“ It’s my opinion that you never think at 
all ,” the Eose said, in a rather severe tone. 

“ I never saw anybody that looked stupider,” 
a Violet said, so suddenly, that Alice quite 
jumped ; for it hadn’t spoken before. 

“ Hold your tongue ! ” cried the Tiger-lily. 
“As if you ever saw anybody ! You keep your 
head under the leaves, and snore away there, 
till you know no more what’s going on in the 
world, than if you were a bud ! ” 

“Are there any more people in the garden 
besides me?” Alice said, not choosing to notice 
the Eose’s last remark. 

“ There’s one other flower in the garden 
that can move about like you,” said the Eose. 

“ I wonder how you do it ” (“ You’re 

always wondering,” said the Tiger-lily), “ but 
she’s more bushy than you are.” 

“ Is she like me ? ” Alice asked eagerly, for 
the thought crossed her mind, “ There’s another 
little girl in the garden, somewhere ! ” 

“ Well, she has the same awkward shape as 


LIVE FLOWERS. 


33 


you,” the Rose said : “ but she ’s redder — and 
her petals are shorter, I think.” 

“ They he done up close, like a dahlia,” said 
the Tiger-lily : “ not tumbled about, like yours.” 

“ But that ’s not your fault,” the Rose added 
kindly. “You’re beginning to fade, you know 
— and then one ca’n’t help one’s petals getting 
a little untidy.” 

Alice didn’t like this idea at all : so, to 
change the subject, she asked “Does she ever 
come out here ? ” 

“ I daresay you ’ll see her soon,” said the 
Rose. “ She ’s one of thfe kind that has nine 
spikes, you know.” 

“ Where does she wear them ? ” Alice asked 
with some curiosity. 

“ Why, all round her head, of course,” the 
Rose replied. “ I was wondering you hadn’t got 
some too. I thought it was the regular rule.” 

“She’s coming!” cried the Larkspur. “I 
hear her footstep, thump, thump, along the 
gravel-walk ! ” 

D 


34 


THE GARDEN OF 


Alice looked round eagerly and found that 
it was the Red Queen. “ She’s grown a good 
deal ! ” was her first remark. She had indeed : 
when Alice first found her in the ashes, she 
had been only three inches high — and here she 
was, half a head taller than Alice herself! 

“It's the fresh air that does it,” said the 
Rose : “ wonderfully fine air it is, out here.” 

“ I think I ’ll go and meet her,” said Alice, 
for, though the flowers were interesting enough, 
she felt that it would be far grander to have a 
talk with a real Queen. 

“ You ca’n’t possibly do that,” said the Rose : 
“ I should advise you to walk the other way.” 

This sounded nonsense to Alice, so she said 
nothing, but set off at once towards the Red 
Queen. To her surprise she lost sight of her 
in a moment, and found herself walking in at 
the front-door again. 

A little provoked, she drew back, and, after 
looking everywhere for the Queen (whom she 
spied out at last, a long way off), she thought 


live flowers. 


35 


she would try the plan, this time, of walking 
in the opposite direction. 



It succeeded beautifully. She had not been 
walking a minute before she found herself face 
to face with the Eed Queen, and full in sight of 
the hill she had been so long aiming at. 


36 


THE GARDEN OF 


“ Where do you come from ? ” said the Eed 
Queen. “ And where are you going ? Look up, 
speak nicely, and don’t twiddle your fingers all 
the time.” 

Alice attended to all these directions, and 
explained, as well as she could, that she had 
lost her way. 

“ I don’t know what you mean by your 
way,” said the Queen : “all the ways about 
here belong to me — but why did you come out 
here at all ? ” she added in a kinder tone. 
“ Curtsey while you ’re- thinking what to say. 
It saves time.” 

Alice wondered a little at this, but she was 
too much in awe of the Queen to disbelieve it. 
“ I ’ll try it when I go home,” she thought to 
herself, “ the next time I ’m a little late for 
dinner.” 

“ ‘ It ’s time for you to answer now,” the Queen 
said, looking at her watch : “ open your mouth 
a little wider when you speak, and always 
say ‘ your Majesty.’ ” 


LIVE FLOWERS. 


37 


“ I only wanted to see what the garden was 

like, your Majesty ” 

“ That ’s right,” said the Queen, patting her 
on the head, which Alice didn’t like at all : 
“ though, when you say ‘ garden ’ — I’ve seen 
gardens, compared with which this would be a 
wilderness.” 

Alice didn’t dare to argue the point, but 
went on : “ — and I thought I ’d try and find 

my way to the top of that hill ” 

“ When you say £ hill,’ ” the Queen inter- 
rupted, “/ could show you hills, in comparison 
with which you’d call that a valley.” 

“ No, I shouldn’t,” said Alice, surprised into 
contradicting her at last : “ a hill ca’n’t be a 

valley, you know. That would be nonsense ” 

The Eed Queen shook her head. “ You may 
call it ‘ nonsense ’ if you like,” she said, “ but 
I’ve heard nonsense, compared with which that 
would be as sensible as a dictionary ! ” 

Alice curtseyed again, as she was afraid from 
the Queen’s tone that she was a little offended : 


38 


THE GARDEN OF 


and they walked on in silence till they got to 
the top of the little hill. 



For some minutes Alice stood without speak- 
ing, looking out in all directions over the country 
— and a most curious country it was. There 
were a number of tiny little brooks running 
straight across it from side to side, and the 
ground between was divided up into squares by 
a number of little green hedges, that reached 
from brook tc brook. 

“I declare it's marked out just like a large 
chess-board ! ” Alice said at last. “ There ought 


LIVE FLOWERS. 


35 


to be some men moving about somewhere — 
and so there are ! ” she added in a tone of 
delight, and her heart began to beat quick 
with excitement as she went on. “ It ’s a great 
huge game of chess that ’s being played — 
all over the world- — if this is the world at 
all, you know. Oh, what fu.n it is ! How I 
ivish I was one of them ! I wouldn’t mind 
being a Pawn, if only I might join — though 
of course I should like to be a Queen, best.” 

She glanced rather shyly at the real Queen 
as she said this, but her companion only smiled 
pleasantly, and said 4 4 That ’s easily managed. 
You can be the White Queen’s Pawn, if you 
like, as Lily’s too young to play ; and you’re in 
the Second Square to begin with : when you 

get to the Eighth Square you’ll be a Queen ” 

Just at this moment, somehow or other, they 
began to run. 

Alice never could quite make out, in thinking 
it over afterwards, how it was that they began : 
all she remembers is, that they were running 


40 


THE GARDEN OF 


hand in hand, and the Queen went so fast 
that it was all she could do to keep up with 
her : and still the Queen kept crying “ Faster ! 
Faster ! ”, but Alice felt she could not go faster, 
though she had no breath left to say so. 

The most curious part of the thing was, that 
the trees and the other things round them never 
changed their places at all : however fast they 
went, they never seemed to pass anything. “ I 
wonder if all the things move along with us ? ” 
thought poor puzzled Alice. And the Queen 
seemed to guess her thoughts, for she cried 
“ Faster ! Don’t try to talk ! ” 

Not that Alice had any idea of doing that. 
She felt as if she would never be able to talk 
again, she was getting so much out of breath : 
and still the Queen cried “ Faster ! Faster ! ”, 
and dragged her along. “ Are we nearly there ? ” 
Alice managed to pant out at last. 

“ Nearly there ! ” the Queen repeated. “ Why, 
we passed it ten minutes ago ! Faster ! ” And 
they ran on for a time in silence, with the 


LIVE FLOWERS. 


41 


wind whistling in Alice’s ears, and almost blow- 
ing her hair off her head, she fancied. 



“ Now ! Now ! ” cried the Queen. “ Faster ! 
Faster ! ” And they went so fast that at last 
they seemed to skim through the air, hardly 
touching the ground with their feet, till sud- 
denly, just as Alice was getting quite exhausted, 
they stopped, and she found herself sitting on 
the ground, breathless and giddy. 

The Queen propped her up against a tree, 
and said kindly, “You may rest a little, now.” 


42 


THE GARDEN OF 


Alice looked round her in great surprise. 
“ Why, I do believe we’ve been under this tree 
the whole time ! Everything’s just as it was ! ” 

“ Of course it is,” said the Queen. “ What 
would you have it?” 

“ Well, in our country,” said Alice, still 
panting a little, “ you’d generally get to some- 
where else — if you ran very fast for a long 
time as we’ve been doing.” 

“ A slow sort of country ! ” said the Queen. 
“Now, here , you see, it takes all the running 
you can do, to keep in the same places If 
you want to get somewhere else, you must run 
at least twice as fast as that ! ’’ 

“I’d rather not try, please!” said Alice. 
“ I’m quite content to stay here — only I am 
so hot and thirsty ! ” 

“I know what you'd like!” the Queen said 
good-naturedly, taking a little box out of her 
pocket. “ Have a biscuit ? ” 

Alice thought it would not be civil to say 
“No,” though it wasn’t at all what she wanted. 


LIVE FLOWERS 


4a 


So she took it, and ate it as well as she could 
and it was very dry : and she thought she had 
never been so nearly choked in all her life. 

“ While you’re refreshing yourself,” said the 
Queen, “ I’ll just take the measurements.” And 
she took a ribbon out of her pocket, marked 
in inches, and began measuring the ground, and 
sticking little pegs in here and there. 

“At the end of two yards,” she said, putting 
in a peg to mark the distance, “I shall give 
you your directions — have another biscuit?” 

“ No, thank you,” said Alice : “ one’s quite 
enough ! ” 

“ Thirst quenched, I hope ? ” said the Queen. 

Alice did not know what to say to this, 
but luckily the Queen did not wait for an 
answer, but went on. “At the end of three 
yards I shall repeat them — for fear of your 
forgetting them. At the end of four , I shall say 
good-bye. And at the end of five , I shall go ! ” 

She had got all the pegs put in by this 
time, and Alice looked on with great interest 


44 


THE GARDEN OF 


as she returned to the tree, and then began 
slowly walking down the row. 

At the two-yard peg she faced round, and 
said “ A pawn goes two squares in its first 
move, you know. 4 4 So you’ll go very quickly 
through the Third Square — by railway, I should 
think — and you’ll find yourself in the Fourth 
Square in no time. Well, that square belongs 
to Tweedledum and Tweedledee — the Fifth is 
mostly water — the Sixth belongs to Humpty 
Dumpty — But you make no remark ? ” 

44 1 — I didn’t know I had to make one — just 
then,” Alice faltered out. 

44 You should have said,” the Queen went on 
in a tone of grave reproof, 4 4 4 It’s extremely kind 
of you to tell me all this ’ — however, we’ll 
suppose it said — the Seventh Square is all 
forest — however, one of the Knights will show 
you the way — and in the Eighth Square we 
shall be Queens together, and it’s all feasting 
and fun ! ” Alice got up and curtseyed, and 
sat down again. 


LIVE FLOWERS. 


45 


At the next peg the Queen turned again, 
and this time she said “ Speak in French when 
you ca’n’t think of the English for a thing — 
turn out your toes as you walk — and re- 
member who you are ! ” She did not wait 
for Alice to curtsey, this time, but walked on 
quickly to the next peg, where she turned for 
a moment to say “ Good-bye,” and then hurried 
on to the last. 

How it happened, Alice never knew, but 
exactly as she came to the last peg, she was 
gone. Whether she vanished* into the air, or 
whether she ran quickly into the wood (“and 
she can run very fast ! ” thought Alice), there 
was no way of guessing, but she was gone, 
and Alice began to remember that she was 
a Pawn, and that it would soon be time for 
her to move. 


CHAPTER III. 


LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 

Of course tlie first thing to do was to make 
a grand survey of the country she was going 
to travel through. “ It’s something very like 
learning geography,” thought Alice, as she stood 
on tiptoe in hopes of being able to see a little 
further. “Principal rivers — there are none. 
Principal mountains — I’m on the only one, but 
I don’t think it’s got any name. Principal 
towns — why, what are those creatures, making 
honey down there ? They can’t be bees — nobody 

ever saw bees a mile off, you know ” and 

for some time she stood silent, watching one of 


LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS 


47 


them that was bustling about among the flowers, 
poking its proboscis into them, “just as if it was 
a regular bee,” thought Alice. 

However, this was anything but a regular 
bee : in fact, it was an elephant — as Alice soon 
found out, though the idea quite took her breath 
away at first. “ And what enormous flowers 
they must be!” was her next idea. “Something 
like cottages with the roofs taken off, and stalks 
put to them — and what quantities of honey 
they must make ! I think HI go down and — 
no, I wo’n’t go just yet,” she went on, checking 
herself just as she was beginning to run down 
the hill, and trying to find some excuse for turning 
shy so suddenly. “ It ’ll never do to go down 
among them without a good long branch to 
brush them away — and what fun it’ll be when 
they ask me how I liked my walk. I shall 

say ‘ Oh, I liked it well enough ’ (here came 

the favourite little toss of the head), ‘only it 
was so dusty and hot, and the elephants did 
tease so ! ’ 


48 


LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 


“I think I’ll go down the other way,” she 
said after a pause ; “ and perhaps I may visit 
the elephants later on. Besides, I do so want 
to get into the Third Square ! ” 

So, with this excuse, she ran down the hill, 
and jumped over the first of the six little 
brooks. 

* * * * * 

* * * * 

* * * * * 

“ Tickets, please ! ” said the Guard, putting 
his head in at the window. In a moment every- 
body was holding out a ticket : they were 
about the same size as the people, and quite 
seemed to fill the carriage. 

“ Now then ! Show your ticket, child ! ” the 
Guard went on, looking angrily at Alice. And 
a great many voices all said together (“like the 
chorus of a song,” thought Alice) “Don’t keep 
him waiting, child ! Why, his time is worth a 
thousand pounds a minute ! ” 


LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 


49 


“ I ’m afraid I haven’t got one,” Alice said in 
a frightened tone : “ there wasn’t a ticket-office 
where I came from.” And again the chorus of 
voices went on. “ There wasn’t room for one 
where she came from. The land there is worth 
a thousand pounds an inch ! ” 

“ Don’t make excuses,” said the Guard : “ you 
should have bought one from the engine-driver.” 
And once more the chorus of voices went on 
with “ The man that drives the engine. Why, 
the smoke alone is worth a thousand pounds 
a puff!” 

Alice thought to herself “ Then there ’s no 
use in speaking.” The voices didn’t join in, this 
time, as she hadn’t spoken, but, to her great 
surprise, they all thought in chorus (I hope you 
understand what thinking in chorus means — 
for I must confess that I don’t), “ Better say 
nothing at all. Language is worth a thousand 
pounds a word ! ” 

“ I shall dream about a thousand pounds 
to-night, I know I shall ! ” thought Alice. 

E 


50 


LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 



All this time the Guard was looking at her, 
first through a telescope, then through a micro- 
scope, and then through an opera-glass. At last 
he said “You he traveling the wrong way,” and 
shut up the window, and went away. 

“ So young a child,” said the gentleman sitting 
opposite to her, (he was dressed in white paper,) 
“ ought to know which way she ’s going, even if 
she doesn’t know her own name ! ” 



LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 


51 


A Goat, that was sitting next to the gentleman 
in white, shut his eyes and said in a loud voice, 
“ She ought to know her way to the ticket-office, 
even if she doesn’t know her alphabet ! ” 

There was a Beetle sitting next the Goat (it 
was a very queer carriage-full of passengers 
altogether), and, as the rule seemed to be that 
they should all speak in turn, he went on with 
“ She ’ll have to go back from here as luggage ! ” 

Alice couldn’t see who was sitting beyond 
the Beetle, but a hoarse voice spoke next. “ Change 

engines ” it said, and there it choked and 

was obliged to leave off. 

“It sounds like a horse,” Alice thought to 
herself. And an extremely small voice, close to 

her ear said "YOU might make a joke on that something about ‘horse’ and 

‘ hoarse,’ you know.” 

Then a very gentle voice in the distance said, 
“She must be labeled ‘Lass, with care,’ you 
know ” 

And after that other voices went on (“ What 
a number of people there are in the carriage ! ” 
E 2 


52 


LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 


thought Alice), saying “ She must go by post, 

as she’s got a head on her ” “ She must 

be sent as a message by the telegraph ” 

“ She must draw the train herself the rest of 
the way ,” and so on. 

But the gentleman dressed in white paper 
leaned forwards and whispered in her ear, 
“ Never mind what they all say, my dear, but 
take a return-ticket every time the train stops.” 

“ Indeed I sha’n’t ! ” Alice said rather impa- 
tiently. 4 4 1 don’t belong to this railway journey 
at all — I was in a wood just now — and I wish 
I could get back there ! ” 

“You might make a joke on that," Said the little Voice d0Se tO 
her ear : “something about ‘you would if you could, you know.” 

“ Don’t tease so,” said Alice, looking about in 
vain to see where the voice came from. “ If you ’re 
so anxious to have a joke made, why don’t you 
make one yourself ? ” 

The little voice sighed deeply. It was very 
unhappy, evidently, and Alice would have said 
something pitying to comfort it, “if it would 


LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 


53 


only sigh like other people ! ” she thought. But 
this was such a wonderfully small sigh, that she 
wouldn't have heard it at all, if it hadn't come 
quite close to her ear. The consequence of this 
was that it tickled her ear very much, and quite 
took off her thoughts from the unhappiness of 
the poor little creature. 

“I know you are a friend,” the little VO^e Went Oil! “a dear 
friend, and an old friend. And you wo’n’t hurt me, though I am an insect.” 

“ What kind of insect ? ” Alice inquired, a 
little anxiously. What she really wanted to 
know was, whether it could sting or not, but she 
thought this wouldn’t be quite a civil question 
to ask. 

“What, then you don’t ” the little voice began, when it 

was drowned by a shrill scream from the engine, 
and everybody jumped up in alarm, Alice among 
the rest. 

The Horse, who had put his head out of 
the window, quietly drew it in and said “It's 
only a brook we have to jump over.” Every- 
body seemed satisfied with this, though Alice 


54 


LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 


felt a little nervous at the idea of trains jumping 
at all. “ However, it ’ll take us into the Fourth 
Square, that’s some comfort ! ” she said to her- 
self. In another moment she felt the carriage 
rise straight up into the air, and in her fright 
she caught at the thing nearest to her hand, 
which happened to be the Goat’s beard. 

* # * #- v- 

O «- O 

v O O * £• 

But the beard seemed to melt away as she 
touched it, and she found herself sitting quietly 
under a tree — while the Gnat (for that was 
the insect she had been talking to) was 
balancing itself on a twig just over her head, 
and fanning her with its wings. 

It certainly was a very large Gnat : “ about 
the size of a chicken,” Alice thought. Still, she 
couldn’t feel nervous with it, after they had been 
talking together so long. 

“ — then you don’t like all insects ? ” the 


LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 


55 


Gnat went on, as quietly as if nothing had 
happened. 

“ I like them when they can talk,” Alice said. 
“ None of them ever talk, where I come from.” 

“ What sort of insects do you rejoice in, 
where you come from ? ” the Gnat inquired. 

“ I don’t rejoice in insects at all,” Alice ex- 
plained, “ because I’m rather afraid of them — at 
least the large kinds. But I can tell you the 
names of some of them.” 

“ Of course they answer to their names ? ” 
the Gnat remarked carelessly. 

“ I never knew them do it.” 

“ What’s the use of their having names,” the 
Gnat said, “if they wo’n’t answer to them?” 

“No use to them ,” said Alice ; “ but it’s useful 
to the people that name them, I suppose. If not, 
why do things have names at all ? ” 

“ I ca’n’t say,” the Gnat replied. “ Further on, 
in the wood down there, they’ve got no names 
—however, go on with your list of insects : 
you’re wasting time.” 


56 


LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 


“ Well, there’s the Horse-fly,” Alice began, 
counting off the names on her fingers. 

“ All right,” said the Gnat. “ Half way up 
that bush, you’ll see a Rocking-horse-fly, if you 
look. It’s made entirely of wood, and gets about 
by swinging itself from branch to branch.” 



“ What does it live on ? ” Alice asked, with 
great curiosity. 

“ Sap and sawdust,” said the Gnat. “ Go on 
with the list.” 

Alice looked at the Rocking-horse-fly with great 
interest, and made up her mind that it must have 


LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 


57 



been just repainted, it looked so bright and 
sticky ; and then she went on. 

“ And there ’s the Dragon-fly.” 

“ Look on the branch above your head,” said 
the Gnat, “ and there you’ll find a Snap-dragon- 
fly. Its body is made of plum-pudding, its wings 
of holly -leaves, and its head is a raisin burning 
in brandy.” 

“ And what does it live on ? ” Alice asked, as 
before. 

“ Frumenty and mince-pie,” the Gnat replied ; 
“ and it makes its nest in a Christmas-box.” 


58 


LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 


“ And then there ’s the Butterfly,” Alice went 
on, after she had taken a good look at the in- 
sect with its head on fire, and had thought to 
herself, “ I wonder if that ’s the reason insects 
are so fond of flying into candles — because they 
want to turn into Snap-dragon-flies ! ” 

“ Crawling at your feet,” said the Gnat (Alice 
drew her feet back in some alarm), “ you may 
observe a Bread-and-butter-fly. Its wings are 
thin slices of bread-and-butter, its body is a 
crust, and its head is a lump of sugar.” 

“ And what does it live on ? ” 


LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 


59 


4 ‘Weak tea with cream in it.” 

A new difficulty came into Alice’s head. “Sup- 
posing it couldn’t find any ? ” she suggested. 

“Then it would die, of course.” 

“ But that must happen very often,” Alice 
remarked thoughtfully. 

“It always happens,” said the Gnat. 

After this, Alice was silent for a minute 
or two, pondering. The Gnat amused itself 
meanwhile by humming round and round her 
head : at last it settled again and remarked “ I 
suppose you don’t want to lose your name ? ” 

“No, indeed,” Alice said, a little anxiously. 

“And yet I don’t know,” the Gnat went on 
in a careless tone : “ only think how convenient 
it would be if you could manage to go home 
without it ! For instance, if the governess wanted 
to call you to your lessons, she would call out 

‘ Come here ,’ and there she would have to 

leave off, because there wouldn’t be any name for 
her to call, and of course you wouldn’t have to 
go, you know.” 


60 


LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 


“ That would never do, I’m sure,” said Alice : 
“ the governess would never think of excusing me 
lessons for that. If she couldn’t remember my 
name, she ’d call me ‘ Miss/ as the servants do.” 

“ Well, if she said ‘ Miss/ and didn’t say 
anything more,” the Gnat remarked, “ of course 
you’d miss your lessons. That’s a joke. I wish 
you had made it.’ 

“ Why do you wish / had made it ? ” Alice 
asked. “It’s a very bad one.” 

But the Gnat only sighed deeply, while two 
large tears came rolling down its cheeks. 

“You shouldn’t make jokes,” Alice said, “if 
it makes you so unhappy.” 

Then came another of those melancholy little 
sighs, and this time the poor Gnat really seemed 
to have sighed itself away, for, when Alice looked 
up, there was nothing whatever to be seen on the 
twig, and, as she was getting quite chilly with 
sitting still so long, she got up and walked on. 

She very soon came to an open field, with a 
wood on the other side of it : it looked much 


LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 


61 


darker than the last wood, and Alice felt a little 
timid about going into it. However, on second 
thoughts, she made up her mind to go on : “ for 
I certainly won’t go back” she thought to herself, 
and this was the only way to the Eighth Square. 

“ This must be the wood,” she said thoughtfully 
to herself, “ where things have no names. I wonder 
what ’ll become of my name when I go in ? 1 

shouldn’t like to lose it at all because they ’d 

have to give me another, and it would be almost 
certain to be an ugly one. But then the fun 
would be, trying to find the creature that had got 
my old name ! That ’s just like the advertise- 
ments, you know, when people lose dogs 

‘ answers to the name of “Dash ” : had on a brass 

collar ’ just fancy calling everything you met 

4 Alice,’ till one of them answered ! Only they 
wouldn’t answer at all, if they were wise.” 

She was rambling on in this way when she 
reached the wood : it looked very cool and shady. 
“ Well, at any rate it ’s a great comfort,” she said 
as she stepped under the trees, “after being so 


62 


LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS 


hot, to get into the — into the — into what ? ” 
she went on, rather surprised at not being able 
to think of the word. “ I mean to get under the 
— under the — under this, you know ! ” putting 
her hand on the trunk of the tree. “ What does 
it call itself, I wonder? I do believe it’s got no 
name — why, to be sure it hasn’t ! ” 

She stood silent for a minute, thinking : then 
she suddenly began again. “Then it really has 
happened, after all ! And now, who am I ? I 
will remember, if I can ! I’m determined to 
do it ! ” But being determined didn’t help her 
much, and all she could say, after a great deal of 
puzzling, was “ L, I know it begins with L ! ” 

Just then a Fawn came wandering by : it 
looked at Alice with its large gentle eyes, but 
didn’t seem at all frightened. “ Here then ! Here 
then!” Alice said, as she held out her hand and 
tried to stroke it ; but it only started back a 
little, and then stood looking at her again. 

“ What do you call yourself ? ” the Fawn said 
at last. Such a soft sweet voice it had ! 


LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 


63 


“ I wish I knew ! ” thought poor Alice. She 
answered, rather sadly, “ Nothing, just now.” 

“ Think again,” it said : “ that wo’n’t do.” 



Alice thought, but nothing came of it. “ Please, 
would you tell me what you call yourself ? ” she 
said timidly. “ I think that might help a little.” 

“ I’ll tell you, if you’ll come a little further 
on,” the Fawn said. “ I ca’n’t remember here” 


64 


LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 


So they walked on together through the wood, 
Alice with her arms clasped lovingly round the 
soft neck of the Fawn, till they came out into 
another open field, and here the Fawn gave a 
sudden bound into the air, and shook itself free 
from Alice’s arm. “ I’m a Fawn ! ” it cried out 
in a voice of delight. “ And, dear me ! you ’re a 
human child ! ” A sudden look of alarm came 
into its beautiful brown eyes, and in another 
moment it had darted away at full speed. 

Alice stood looking after it, almost ready to 
cry with vexation at having lost her dear little 
fellow -traveler so suddenly. “However, I know 
my name now,” she said : “ that’s some comfort. 
Alice — Alice — I wo’n’t forget it again. And 
now, which of these finger-posts ought I to 
follow, I wonder ? ” 

It was not a very difficult question to answer, 
as there was only one road through the wood, 
and the two finger-posts both pointed along it. 
“I’ll settle it,” Alice said to herself, “when the 
road divides and they point different ways.” 


LOOKING-GLASS INSECTS. 


65 


But this did not seem likely to happen. She 
went on and on, a long way, but, wherever the 
road divided, there were sure to be two finger- 
posts pointing the same way, one marked ‘ TO 
TWEEDLEDUM’S HOUSE/ and the other ‘TO 
THE HOUSE OF TWEEDLEDEE/ 

“ I do believe,” said Alice at last, “ that they 
live in the same house ! I wonder I never thought 
of that before — But I ca’n’t stay there long. 
I ’ll just call and say ‘ How d’ye do ? ’ and ask 
them the way out of the wood. If I could 
only get to the Eighth Square before it gets 
dark ! ” So she wandered on, talking to herself 
as she went, till, on turning a sharp corner, she 
came upon two fat little men, so suddenly that 
she could not help starting back, but in another 
moment she recovered herself, feeling sure that 
they must be. 


CHAPTER IV. 


TWEEDLEDUM AND TWEEDLEDEE. 

They were standing under a tree, each with 
an arm round the other’s neck, and Alice knew 
which was which in a moment, because one of 
them had ‘ DUM ’ embroidered on his collar, and 
the other ‘DEE.’ “I suppose they’ve each got 
‘ TWEEDLE ’ round at the back of the collar,” 
she said to herself. 

They stood so still that she quite forgot they 
were alive, and she was just going round to see 
if the word ‘ TWEEDLE ’ was written at the back 
of each collar, when she was startled by a voice 
coming from the one marked ‘ DUM.’ 


TWEEDLEDUM AND TWEEDLEDEE. 


67 



“ If you think we ’re wax-works,” he said, “ you 
ought to pay, you know. Wax- works weren’t 
made to be looked at for nothing. Nohow ! ” 

“ Contrariwise,” added the one marked ‘ DEE,’ 
“ if you think we ’re alive, you ought to speak.” 

“ I ’m sure I ’m very sorry,” was all Alice could 
say ; for the words of the old song kept ringing 
through her head like the ticking of a clock, and 
she could hardly help saying them out loud : — 

F 2 


68 


TWEEDLEDUM 


“ Tweedledum and Tweedledee 
Agreed to have a battle; 

For Tweedledum said Tweedledee 
Had spoiled his nice new rattle . 


Just then flew down a monstrous crow , 

As black as a tar-barrel; 

Which frightened both the heroes so , 

They quite forgot their quarrel .” 

“I know what you’re thinking about,” said 
Tweedledum; “but it isn’t so, nohow.” 

“Contrariwise,” continued Tweedledee, “if it 
was so, it might be ; and if it were so, it would 
be ; but as it isn’t, it ain’t. That ’s logic.” 

“ I was thinking,” Alice said very politely, 
“ which is the best way out of this wood : it ’s 
getting so dark. Would you tell me, please ? ” 

But the fat little men only looked at each 
other and grinned. 

They looked so exactly like a couple of great 


AND TWEEDLEDEK 


schoolboys, that Alice couldn’t help pointing her 
finger at Tweedledum, and saying “ First Boy ! ” 

“ Nohow ! ” Tweedledum cried out briskly, 
and shut his mouth up again with a snap. 

“ Next Boy ! ” said Alice, passing on to 
Tweedledee, though she felt quite certain he 
would only shout out “ Contrariwise ! ” and so 
he did. 

“You ’ve begun wrong ! ” cried Tweedledum. 
“ The first thing in a visit is to say ‘ How d ’ye 
do ? ’ and shake hands ! ” And here the two 
brothers gave each other a hug, and then they 
held out the two hands that were free, to shake 
hands with her. 

Alice did not like shaking hands with either 
of them first, for fear of hurting the other one’s 
feelings ; so, as the best way out of the difficulty, 
she took hold of both hands at once : the next 
moment they were dancing round in a ring. 
This seemed quite natural (she remembered after- 
wards), and she was not even surprised to hear 
music playing : it seemed to come from the tree 


70 


TWEEDLEDUM 


under which they were dancing, and it was done 
(as well as she could make it out) by the branches 
rubbing one across the other, like fiddles and 
fiddle-sticks. 

“But it certainly was funny,” (Alice said 
afterwards, when she was telling her sister the 
history of all this,) “ to find myself singing ‘ Here 
we go round the mulberry bush .’ I don’t know 
when I began it, but somehow I felt as if I’d 
been singing it a long long time ! ” 

The other two dancers were fat, and very 
soon out of breath. “ Four times round is enough 
for one dance,” Tweedledum panted out, and they 
left off dancing as suddenly as they had begun : 
the music stopped at the same moment. 

Then they let go of Alice’s hands, and stood 
looking at her for a minute : there was a rather 
awkward pause, as Alice didn’t know how to 
begin a conversation with people she had just 
been dancing with. “ It would never do to say 
‘ How d ’ye do ? ’ now” she said to herself : “we 
seem to have got beyond that, somehow ! ” 


AND TWEEDLEDEE. 


71 


“ I hope you ’re not much tired ? ” she said 
at last. 

“ Nohow. And thank you very much for 
asking,” said Tweedledum. 

“ So much obliged ! ” added Tweedledee. “ You 
like poetry ? ” 

“Ye-es, pretty well — some poetry,” Alice said 
doubtfully. “ Would you tell me which road leads 
out of the wood?” 

“ What shall I repeat to her ? ” said Tweedle- 
dee, looking round at Tweedledum with great 
solemn eyes, and not noticing Alice’s question. 

“ 4 The Walrus and the Carpenter ’ is the 
longest,” Tweedledum replied, giving his brother 
an affectionate hug. 

Tweedledee began instantly : 

The sun was shining ” 

Here Alice ventured to interrupt him. “If 
it ’s very long,” she said, as politely as she could, 
“would you please tell me first which road ” 

Tweedledee smiled gently, and began again : 


72 


TWEEDLEDUM 


“ The sun was shining on the sea , 
Shining with all his might : 

He did his very best to make 
The billows smooth and bright — 
And this was odd , because it was 
The middle of the night . 


The moon was shining sulkily , 
Because she thought the sun 
Had got no business to be there 
After the day was done — 

‘ It ’s very rude of him ’ she said , 
‘ To come and spoil the fun ! * 


The sea was wet as wet could be, 
The sands were dry as dry. 

You could not see a cloud, because 
No cloud was in the sky : 

No birds were flying overhead — 
There were no birds to fly. 


AND TWEEDLEDEE. 


73 



The Walrus and the Carpenter 
Were walking close at hand: 
They wept Uke anything to see 
Such quantities of sand : 

1 If this were only cleared away, 
They said, ‘ it would be grand ! * 


* If seven 'inaids with seven mops 
Swept it for half a year, 

Do you suppose / the Walrus said, 
‘ That they could get it clear V 


74 


TWEEDLEDUM 


‘ I doubt it’ said the Carpenter , 
And shed a bitter tear. 


‘ 0 Oysters, come and walk with us ! ’ 
The Walrus did beseech. 

C A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk, 
Along the briny beach: 

We cannot do with more than four, 
To give a hand to each.’ 


The eldest Oyster looked at him, 
But never a word he said: 

The eldest Oyster winked his eye, 
And shook his heavy head — 
Meaning to say he did not choose 
To leave the oyster-bed. 


But four young Oysters hurried up, 

All eager for the treat: 

Their coats were brushed, their faces washed, 
Their shoes were clean and neat — 


AND TWEEDLEDEE. 


75 


And this was odd , because , you know, 
They hadn’t any feet. 


Four other Oysters followed them, 

And yet another four ; 

And thick and fast they came at last, 
And more, and more, and more — 
All hopping through the frothy waves, 
And scrambling to the shore. 


The Walrus and the Carpenter 
Walked on a mile or so, 

And then they rested on a rock 
Conveniently low : 

And all the little Oysters stood 
And waited in a row. 


‘ The time has come ,’ the Walrus said, 

‘ To talk of many things : 

Of shoes — and ships — and sealing-wax — 
Of cabbages — and kings — 


76 


TWEEDLEDUM 


And why the sea is boiling hot — 
And whether pigs have wings . 



But wait a bit; the Oysters cried , 

‘ Before we have our chat ; 

For some of us are out of breath, 
And all of us are fat ! * 

< No hurry ! ’ said the Carpenter. 
They thanked him much for that 

-A loaf of bread; the Walrus said , 

‘ Is what we chiefly need: 


AND TWEEDLEDEE. 


77 


Pepper and vinegar besides 
Are very good indeed — 

Now , if you're ready , Oysters dear , 
We can begin to feed.' 


‘ But not on us ! ' the Oysters cried, 
Turning a little blue. 

' After such kindness, that would be 
A dismal thing to do ! ' 

‘ The night is fine ,' the Walrus said . 
‘Do you admire the view ? 


‘It was so kind of you to come ! 

And you are very nice ! ' 

The Carpenter said nothing but 
‘ Cut us another slice. 

I wish you were not quite so deaf — 
I 've had to ask you twice ! ' 

‘It seems a shame,' the Walrus said . 

‘ To play them such a trick. 


78 


TWEEDLEDUM 


After we ’ve brought them out so far , 
And made them trot so quick ! ’ 
The Carpenter said nothing but 
‘ The butter's spread too thick!' 



‘ I weep for you; the Walrus said : 

( I deeply sympathize ! 

With sobs and tears he sorted out 
Those of the largest size, 

Holding his pocket-handkerchief 
Before his streaming eyes. 


AND TWEEDLEDEE. 


7ft 


‘ 0 Oysters said the Carpenter, 

* You *ve had a pleasant run ! 

Shall we be trotting home again V 
But answer came there none — 

And this was scarcely odd, because 
They ’d eaten every one .” 

“ I like the Walrus best,” said Alice : “ because 
he was a little sorry for the poor oysters.” 

“He ate more than the Carpenter, though,” 
said Tweedledee. “You see he held his hand- 
kerchief in front, so that the Carpenter couldn’t 
count how many he took : contrariwise.” 

“ That was mean ! ” Alice said indignantly. 
“ Then I like the Carpenter best — if he didn’t 
eat so many as the Walrus.” 

“But he ate as many as he could get,” said 
Tweedledum. 

This was a puzzler. After a pause, Alice 
began, “ Well ! They were both very unpleasant 

characters ” Here she checked herself in some 

alarm, at hearing something that sounded to 


80 


TWEEDLEDUM 


her like the puffing of a large steam-engine in 
the wood near them, though she feared it was 
more likely to be a wild beast. “Are there any 
lions or tigers about here ? ” she asked timidly. 

“It's only the Red King snoring,” said 
Tweedledee. 

“ Come and look at him ! ” the brothers cried, 
and they each took one of Alice's hands, and led 
her up to where the King was sleeping. 



“ Isn't he a lovely sight ? " said Tweedledum. 
Alice couldn’t say honestly that he was. He 
had a tall red night-cap on, with a tassel, and 


AND TWEEDLEDEE. 


81 


he was lying crumpled up into a sort of untidy 

heap, and snoring loud “ fit to snore his head 

off!” as Tweedledum remarked. 

“I’m afraid he ’ll catch cold with lying on 
the damp grass,” said Alice, who was a very 
thoughtful little girl. 

“ He ’s dreaming now,” said Tweedledee : 
“ and what do you think he ’s dreaming 
about ? ” 

Alice said “Nobody can guess that.” 

“Why, about you /” Tweedledee exclaimed, 
clapping his hands triumphantly. “And if he 
left off dreaming about you, where do you sup- 
pose you ’d be ? ” 

“ Where I am now, of course,” said Alice. 

“ Not you ! ” Tweedledee retorted contemptu- 
ously. “ You ’d be nowhere. Why, you ’re only a 
sort of thing in his dream ! ” 

“ If that there King was to wake,” added 
Tweedledum, “you’d go out — bang! — just like 
a candle ! ” 

“ I shouldn’t ! ” Alice exclaimed indignantly. 

G 


82 


TWEEDLEDUM 


“ Besides, if I'm only a sort of thing in his 
dream, what are you , I should like to know ? ” 

“ Ditto,' ” said Tweedledum. 

4 4 Ditto, ditto ! ” cried Tweedledee. 

He shouted this so loud that Alice couldn’t 
help saying 44 Hush! You’ll be waking him, 
I’m afraid, if you make so much noise.” 

44 Well, it’s no use your talking about waking 
him,” said Tweedledum, 44 when you’re only one 
of the things in his dream. You know very well 
you’re not real.” 

44 1 am real ! ” said Alice, and began to cry. 

44 You wo’n’t make yourself a bit realler by 
crying,” Tweedledee remarked : 44 there ’s nothing 
to cry about.” 

44 If I wasn’t real,” Alice said — half-laughing 
through her tears, it all seemed so ridiculous — 
44 1 shouldn’t be able to cry.” 

44 1 hope you don’t suppose those are real 
tears ? ” Tweedledum interrupted in a tone of 
great contempt. 

44 1 know they ’re talking nonsense,” Alice 


AND TWEEDLEDEE. 


83 


thought to herself : “ and it ’s foolish to cry 
about it.” So she brushed away her tears, and 
went on, as cheerfully as she could, “ At any rate 
I’d better be getting out of the wood, for 
really it’s coming on very dark. Do you think 
it ’s going to rain ? ” 

Tweedledum spread a large umbrella over 
himself and his brother, and looked up into it. 
tc No, I don’t think it is,” he said : “ at least — 
not under here. Nohow.” 

“But it may rain outside?” 

“ It may — if it chooses,” said Tweedledee : 
“ we’ve no objection. Contrariwise.” 

“ Selfish things ! ” thought Alice, and she was 
just going to say “ Good-night” and leave them, 
when Tweedledum sprang out from under the 
umbrella, and seized her by the wrist. 

“Do you see that?” he said, in a voice 
choking with passion, and his eyes grew large 
and yellow all in a moment, as he pointed with 
a trembling finger at a small white thing lying 
under the tree. 


84 




TWEEDLEDUM 


“It’s only a rattle,” Alice said, after a careful 
examination of the little white thing. “Not a 
rattl e-snake, you know,” she added hastily, think- 
ing that he was frightened : “ only an old rattle 
— quite old and broken.” 



“ I knew it was ! ” cried Tweedledum, begin- 
ning to stamp about wildly and tear his hair. 
“ It ’s spoilt, of course ! ” Here he looked at 
Tweedledee, who immediately sat down on the 
ground, and tried to hide himself under the 
umbrella. 


AND TWEEDLEDEE. 


85 


Alice laid her hand upon his arm, and said, 
in a soothing tone, “You needn’t be so angry 
about an old rattle.” 

“ But it isn’t old ! ” Tweedledum cried, in a 
greater fury than ever. “It’s new , I tell you — 
I bought it yesterday — my nice new RATTLE ! ” 
and his voice rose to a perfect scream. 

All this time Tweedledee was trying his best 
to fold up the umbrella, with himself in it : which 
was such an extraordinary thing to do, that it 
quite took off Alice’s attention from the angry 
brother. But he couldn’t quite succeed, and it 
ended in his rolling over, bundled up in the 
umbrella, with only his head out : and there he 
lay, opening and shutting his mouth and his large 
eyes “ looking more like a fish than any- 

thing else,” Alice thought. 

“ Of course you agree to have a battle ? ” 
Tweedledum said in a calmer tone. 

“ I suppose so,” the other sulkily replied, as 
he crawled out of the umbrella : “ only she must 
help us to dress up, you know.” 


TWEEDLEDUM 


So the two brothers went off hand-in-hand 
into the wood, and returned in a minute with 
their arms full of things — such as bolsters, 
blankets, hearth-rugs, table-cloths, dish-covers, 
and coal-scuttles. “ I hope you ’re a good hand 
at pinning and tying strings ? ” Tweedledum 
remarked. “ Every one of these things has got 
to go on, somehow or other.” 

Alice said afterwards she had never seen such 
a fuss made about anything in all her life — 
the way those two bustled about — and the quan- 
tity of things they put on — and the trouble 
they gave her in tying strings and fastening 

buttons “ Eeally they ’ll be more like bundles 

of old clothes than anything else, by the time 
they ’re ready ! ” she said to herself, as she arranged 
a bolster round the neck of Tweedledee, “ to keep 
his head from being cut off,” as he said. 

“ You know,” he added very gravely, “ it ’s 
one of the most serious things that can possibly 
happen to one in a battle — to get one’s head 
cut off.” 


AND TWEEDLEDEE. 


87 


Alice laughed loud : but she managed to turn 
it into a cough, for fear of hurting his feelings. 



“ Do I look very pale ? ” said Tweedledum, 
coming up to have his helmet tied on. (He 
called it a helmet, though it certainly looked 
much more like a saucepan.) 

“ Well — yes — a little ," Alice replied gently. 

“I'm very brave, generally," he went on in 
a low voice : “ only to-day I happen to have 
a headache." 


88 


TWEEDLEDUM 


“And I've got a toothache!” said Tweedle- 
dee, who had overheard the remark. “ I ’m far 
worse than you ! ” 

“Then you’d better not fight to-day,” said 
Alice, thinking it a good opportunity to make 
peace. 

“We must have a bit of a fight, but I don’t 
care about going on long,” said Tweedledum. 
“What’s the time now?” 

Tweedledee looked at his watch, and said 
“ Half-past four.” 

“ Let ’s fight till six, and then have dinner,” 
said Tweedledum. 

“ Very well,” the other said, rather sadly : 
“ and she can watch us — only you ’d better 
not come very close,” he added : “I generally 
hit every thing I can see — when I get really 
excited.” 

“ And I hit every thing within reach,” cried 
Tweedledum, “ whether I can see it or not ! ” 

Alice laughed. “You must hit the trees 
pretty often, I should think,” she said. 


AND TWEEDLEDEE. 


89 


Tweedledum looked round him with a satisfied 
smile. “ I don’t suppose,” he said, “ there ’ll be 
a tree left standing, for ever so far round, by 
the time we ’ve finished ! ” 

“And all about a rattle ! ” said Alice, still 
hoping to make them a little ashamed of fighting 
for such a trifle. 

“ I shouldn’t have minded it so much,” said 
Tweedledum, “if it hadn’t been a new one.” 

“ I wish the monstrous crow would come ! ” 
thought Alice. 

“ There ’s only one sword, you know,” 
Tweedledum said to his brother : “ but you can 
have the umbrella — it ’s quite as sharp. Only 
we must begin quick. It ’s getting as dark as 
it can.” 

“ And darker,” said Tweedledee. 

It was getting dark so suddenly that Alice 
thought there must be a thunderstorm coming 
on. “ What a thick black cloud that is ! ” she 
said. “ And how fast it comes ! Why, I do 
believe it ’s got wings ! ” 


90 


TWEEDLEDUM AND TWEEDLEDEE. 


“ It ’s the crow ! ” Tweedledum cried out in 
a shrill voice of alarm ; and the two brothers 
took to their heels and were out of sight in a 
moment. 

Alice ran a little way into the wood, and 
stopped under a large tree. “ It can never get 
at me here she thought : “ it ’s far too large to 
squeeze itself in among the trees. But I wish 
it wouldn’t flap its wings so — it makes quite 
a hurricane in the wood — here ’s somebody’s 
shawl being blown away ! ” 


CHAPTER V. 


WOOL AND WATER. 

She caught the shawl as she spoke, and looked 
about for the owner : in another moment the 
White Queen came running wildly through the 
wood, with both arms stretched out wide, as if 
she were flying, and Alice very civilly went to 
meet her with the shawl. 

“I’m very glad I happened to be in the 
way,” Alice said, as she helped her to put on 
her shawl again. 

The White Queen only looked at her in a 
helpless frightened sort of way, and kept repeat- 
ing something in a whisper to herself that 


92 


WOOL AND WATER. 


sounded like “ Bread-and-butter, bread-and-butter,” 
and Alice felt that if there was to be any con- 
versation at all, she must manage it herself. 
So she began rather timidly : “ Am I addressing 
the White Queen ? ” 

“Well, yes, if you call that a-dressing,” the 
Queen said. “ It isn’t my notion of the thing, 
at all.” 

Alice thought it would never do to have an 
argument at the very beginning of their con- 
versation, so she smiled and said “ If your 
Majesty will only tell me the right way to begin, 
I’ll do it as well as I can.” 

“ But I don’t want it done at all ! ” groaned 
the poor Queen. “ I ’ve been a-dressing myself 
for the last two hours.” 

It would have been all the better, as it 
seemed to Alice, if she had got some one else to 
dress her, she was so dreadfully untidy. “ Every 
single thing ’s crooked,” Alice thought to herself, 

“ and she ’s all over pins ! May I put your 

shawl straight for you ? ” she added aloud. 


WOOL AND WATER. 


93 



“ I don’t know what ’s the matter with it ! ” 
the Queen said, in a melancholy voice. “ It ’s 
out of temper, 

I think. I ’ve 
pinned it here, 
and I ’ve pin- 
ned it there, 
but there ’s no 
pleasing it ! ” 

“ It ca’n’t go 
straight, you 
know, if you 
pin it all on 
one side,” Alice 
said, as she 
gently put it 

right for her ; “ and, dear me, 
your hair is in ! ” 

“ The brush has got entangled in it ! ” 
the Queen said with a sigh. “And I lost the 
comb yesterday.” 

Alice carefully released the brush, and did 




what 


state 


94 


WOOL AND WATER. 


her best to get the hair into order. “ Come, 
you look rather better now ! ” she said, after 
altering most of the pins. “ But really you 
should have a lady’s-maid ! ” 

“ I ’m sure I ’ll take you with pleasure ! ” the 
Queen said. “ Twopence a week, and jam every 
other day.” 

Alice couldn’t help laughing, as she said “ I 
don’t want you to hire me — and I don’t care 
for jam.” 

“ It ’s very good jam,” said the Queen. 

“ Well, I don’t want any to-day , at any rate.” 

“You couldn’t have it if you did want it,” 
the Queen said. “ The rule is, jam to-morrow 
and jam yesterday — but never jam to-day” 

“It must come sometimes to ‘jam to-day,”’ 
Alice objected. 

“No, it ca’n’t,” said the Queen. “It’s jam 
every other day : to-day isn’t any other day, 
you know.” 

“I don’t understand you,” said Alice. “It’s 
dreadfully confusing ! ” 


WOOL AND WATER. 


95 


“ That’s the effect of living backwards,” the 
Queen said kindly : “ it always makes one a 

little giddy at first ” 

“ Living backwards ! ” Alice repeated in great 
astonishment. “ I never heard of such a thing ! ” 
“ — but there ’s one great advantage in it, 
that one’s memory works both ways.” 

“ I ’m sure mine only works one way,” Alice 
remarked. “ I ca’n’t remember things before 
they happen.” 

“ It ’s a poor sort of memory that only works 
backwards,” the Queen remarked. 

“ What sort of things do you remember best ? ” 
Alice ventured to ask. 

“ Oh, things that happened the week after 
next,” the Queen replied in a careless tone. 
“ For instance, now,” she went on, sticking a 
large piece of plaster on her finger as she 
spoke, “there’s the King’s Messenger. He’s in 
prison now, being punished : and the trial 
doesn’t even begin till next Wednesday : and of 
course the crime comes last of all.” 


96 


WOOL AND WATER. 


“ Suppose he never 
commits the crime ? ” 
said Alice. 

“ That would be all 
the better, wouldn’t 
it ? ” the Queen said, 
as she bound the plas- 
ter round her finger 
with a bit of ribbon. 

Alice felt there 
was no denying that. 

“ Of course it would 
be all the better,” she said : “ but it wouldn’t 
be all the better his being punished.” 

“You’re wrong there, at any rate,” said the 
Queen. “ Were you ever punished ? ” 

“ Only for faults,” said Alice. 

“ And you were all the better for it, I know ! ” 
the Queen said triumphantly. 

“ Yes, but then I had done the things I was 
punished for,” said Alice : “ that makes all the 
difference.” 



WOOL AND WATER. 


97 


“But if you hadn't done them,” the Queen 
said, “ that would have been better still ; better, 
and better, and better ! ” Her voice went higher 
with each “ better,” till it got quite to a squeak 
at last. 

Alice was just beginning to say “ There's a 

mistake somewhere ,” when the Queen began 

screaming, so loud that she had to leave the 
sentence unfinished. “ Oh, oh, oh ! ” shouted the 
Queen, shaking her hand about as if she wanted 
to shake it off. “My finger’s bleeding! Oh, 
oh, oh, oh ! ” 

Her screams were so exactly like the whistle 
of a steam-engine, that Alice had to hold both 
her hands over her ears. 

“ What is the matter ? ” she said, as soon as 
there was a chance of making herself heard. 
“ Have you pricked your finger ? ” 

“ I haven’t pricked it yet ,” the Queen said, 
“ but I soon shall — oh, oh, oh ! ” 

“ When do you expect to do it ? ” Alice asked, 
feeling very much inclined to laugh. 

H 


98 


WOOL AND WATER. 


“When I fasten my shawl again,” the poor 
Queen groaned out : “ the brooch will come un- 
done directly. Oh, oh ! ” As she said the words 
the brooch flew open, and the Queen clutched 
wildly at it, and tried to clasp it again. 

“ Take care ! ” cried Alice. “You he holding 
it all crooked ! ” And she caught at the brooch ; 
but it was too late : the pin had slipped, and the 
Queen had pricked her finger. 

“ That accounts fof the bleeding, you see,” 
she said to Alice with a smile. “Now you under- 
stand the way things happen here.” 

“ But why don’t you scream now f ” Alice 
asked, holding her hands ready to put over her 
ears again. 

“ Why, I ’ve done all the screaming already/’ 
said the Queen. “What would be the good of 
having it all over again ? ” 

By this time it was getting light. “ The crow 
must have flown away, I think,” said Alice : 
“I’m so glad it’s gone. I thought it was the 
night coming on.” 


WOOL AND WATER. 


99 


“ I wish I could manage to be glad ! ” the 
Queen said. “ Only I never can remember the 
rule. You must be very happy, living in this 
wood, and being glad whenever you like ! ” 

“ Only it is so very lonely here ! ” Alice said 
in a melancholy voice ; and, at the thought of 
her loneliness, two large tears came rolling down 
her cheeks. 

“ Oh, don’t go on like that ! ” cried the 
poor Queen, wringing her hands in despair. 
4 ‘Consider what a great girl you are. Consider 
what a long way you ’ve come to-day. Con- 
sider what o’clock it is. Consider anything, 
only don’t cry ! ” 

Alice could not help laughing at this, even 
in the midst of her tears. “ Can you keep from 
crying by considering things ? ” she asked. 

“That’s the way it’s done,” the Queen 
said with great decision : “ nobody can do two 
things at once, you know. Let’s consider your 

age to begin with how old are you ? ” 

“I’m seven and a half, exactly.” 

H 2 


100 


WOOL AND WATER. 


“ You needn't say ‘ exactually,’ ” the Queen 
remarked. “ I can believe it without that. Now 
I’ll give you something to believe. I’m just 
one hundred and one, five months and a day.” 

“ I ca’n’t believe that /” said Alice. 

“ Ca’n’t you ? ” the Queen said in a pitying 
tone. “ Try again : draw a long breath, and 
shut your eyes.” 

Alice laughed. “ There’s no use trying,” she 
said : “ one ca’n-t believe impossible things.” 

“ I daresay you haven’t had much practice,” 
said the Queen. “ When I was your age, I 
always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, 
sometimes I’ve believed as many as six im- 
possible things before breakfast. There goes 
the shawl again ! ” 

The brooch had come undone as she spoke, 
and a sudden gust of wind blew the Queen’s 
shawl across a little brook. The Queen spread 
out her arms again, and went flying after it, and 
this time she succeeded in catching it for herself. 
“ I Ve got it ! ” she cried in a triumphant tone. 


WOOL AND WATER 


101 


“ Now you shall see me pin it on again, all 
by myself !” 

“ Then I hope your finger is better now ? ” 
Alice said very politely, as she crossed the little 
brook after the Queen. 

****** 

***** 

****** 

“ Oh, much better ! ” cried the Queen, her voice 
rising into a squeak as she went on. “Much 
be-etter ! Be-etter ! Be-e-e-etter ! Be-e-ehh ! ” The 
last word ended in a long bleat, so like a sheep 
that Alice quite started. 

She looked at the Queen, who seemed to 
have suddenly wrapped herself up in wool. Alice 
rubbed her eyes, and looked again. She couldn’t 
make out what had happened at all. Was she 
in a shop ? And was that really — was it really 
a sheep that was sitting on the other side of the 
counter ? Kub as she would, she could make 
nothing more of it : she was in a little dark 


102 


WOOL AND WATER. 



shop, leaning with her elbows on the counter, 
and opposite to her was an old Sheep, sitting in 
an arm-chair, knitting, and every now and then 
leaving off to look at her through a great pair 
of spectacles. 

“ What is it you want to buy ? ” the Sheep 


WOOL AND WATER. 


103 


said at last, looking up for a moment from her 
knitting. 

“ I don’t quite know yet,” Alice said very 
gently. “ I should like to look all round me 
first, if I might.” 

“ You may look in front of you, and on both 
sides, if you like,” said the Sheep ; “ but you 
ca’n’t look all round you — unless you’ve got 
eyes at the back of your head.” 

But these, as it happened, Alice had not got : 
so she contented herself with turning round, 
looking at the shelves as she came to them. 

The shop seemed to be full of all manner 
of curious things — but the oddest part of it 
all was that, whenever she looked hard at any 
shelf, to make out exactly what it had on it, 
that particular shelf was always quite empty, 
though the others round it were crowded as full 
as they could hold. 

“ Things flow about so here ! ” she said at 
last in a plaintive tone, after she had spent a 
minute or so in vainly pursuing a large bright 


104 


WOOL AND WATER. 


thing, that looked sometimes like a doll and 
sometimes like a work-box, and was always in 
the shelf next above the one she was looking at. 
“ And this one is the most provoking of all — 

but I’ll tell you what ” she added, as a 

sudden thought struck her. “ I ’ll follow it up 
to the very top shelf of all. It’ll puzzle it to 
go through the ceiling, I expect ! ” 

But even this plan failed : the 4 thing ’ went 
through the ceiling as quietly as possible, as if 
it were quite used to it. 

“ Are you a child or a teetotum ? ” the Sheep 
said, as she took up another pair of needles. 
“ You ’ll make me giddy soon, if you go on 
turning round like that.” She was now working 
with fourteen pairs at once, and Alice couldn’t 
help looking at her in great astonishment. 

“How can she knit with so many?” the 
puzzled child thought to herself. “ She gets 
more and more like a porcupine every minute ! ” 
“Can you row?” the Sheep asked, handing 
her a pair of knitting-needles as she spoke. 


WOOL AND WATER. 


105 


“ Yes, a little — but not on land — and not 

with needles ” Alice was beginning to say, 

when suddenly the needles turned into oars 
in her hands, and she found they were in a 
little boat, gliding along between banks : so 
there was nothing for it but to do her best. 

“ Feather ! ” cried the Sheep, as she took up 
another pair of needles. 

This didn’t sound like a remark that needed 
any answer : so Alice said nothing, but pulled 
away. There was something very queer about 
the water, she thought, as every now and then 
the oars got fast in it, and would hardly come 
out again. 

“ Feather ! Feather ! ” the Sheep cried again, 
taking more needles. “ You ’ll be catching a 
crab directly.” 

“ A dear little crab ! ” thought Alice. “ I 
should like that.” 

“ Didn’t you hear me say ‘Feather’?” the 
Sheep cried angrily, taking up quite a bunch 
of needles. 


106 


WOOL AND WATER. 


“ Indeed I did,” said Alice : “ you ’ve said 

it very often — and very loud. Please where 
are the crabs ? ” 

“ In the water, of course ! ” said the Sheep, 
sticking some of the needles into her hair, as 
her hands were full. “ Feather, I say ! ” 

“ Why do you say c Feather ’ so often ? ” Alice 
asked at last, rather vexed. “I’m not a bird ! ” 

“ You are,” said the Sheep : “ you ’re a little 
goose.” 

This offended Alice a little, so there was no 
more conversation for a minute or two, while 
the boat glided gently on, sometimes among 
beds of weeds (which made the oars stick fast 
in the water, worse than ever), and sometimes 
under trees, but always with the same tall 
river-banks frowning over their heads. 

“ Oh, please ! There are some scented rushes ! ” 
Alice cried in a sudden transport of delight. 
“ There really are — and such beauties ! ” 

“ You needn’t say ‘ please ’ to me about ’em,” 
the Sheep said, without looking up from her 


WOOL AND WATER. 


107 


knitting : “ I didn’t put ’em there, and I ’m not 
going to take ’em away.” 

“ No, but I meant — please, may we wait 
and pick some ? ” Alice pleaded. “ If you don’t 
mind stopping the boat for a minute.’'’ 

“ How am I to stop it ? ” said the Sheep. 
“ If you leave off rowing, it ’ll stop of itself.” 

So the boat was left to drift down the stream 
as it would, till it glided gently in among the 
waving rushes. And then the little sleeves were 
carefully rolled up, and the little arms were 
plunged in elbow-deep, to get hold of the rushes 
a good long way down before breaking them 
off — and for a while Alice forgot all about the 
Sheep and the knitting, as she bent over the 
side of the boat, with just the ends of her 
tangled hair dipping into the water — while with 
bright eager eyes she caught at one bunch after 
another of the darling scented rushes. 

“ I only hope the boat won’t tipple over ! ” 
she said to herself. “ Oh, what a lovely one ! 
Only I couldn’t quite reach it.” And it eer~ 


108 


WOOL AND WATER. 


tainly did seem a little provoking (“almost as 
if it happened on purpose,” she thought) that, 
though she managed to pick plenty of beautiful 
rushes as the boat glided by, there was always 
a more lovely one that she couldn’t reach. 

“ The prettiest are always further ! ” she said 
at last, with a sigh at the obstinacy of the 
rushes in growing so far off, as, with flushed 
cheeks and dripping hair and hands, she 
scrambled back into her place, and began to 
arrange her new-found treasures. 

What mattered it to her just then that 
the rushes had begun to fade, and to lose all 
their scent and beauty, from the very moment 
that she picked them ? Even real scented rushes, 
you know, last only a very little while — and 
these, being dream-rushes, melted away almost 
like snow, as they lay in heaps at her feet — 
but Alice hardly noticed this, there were so many 
other curious things to think about. 

They hadn’t gone much farther before the 
blade of one of the oars got fast in the water 


WOOL AND WATER. 


109 


and wouldn’t come out again (so Alice explained 
it afterwards), and the consequence was that 
the handle of it caught her under the chin, and, 
in spite of a series of little shrieks of ‘Oh, oh, 
oh ! ’ from poor Alice, it swept her straight off 
the seat, and down among the heap of rushes. 

However, she wasn’t- a bit hurt, and was soon 
up again : the Sheep went on with her knitting 
all the while, just as if nothing had happened. 
“ That was a nice crab you caught ! ” she re- 
marked, as Alice got back into her place, very much 
relieved to find herself still in the boat. 

“ Was it ? I didn’t see it,” said Alice, peeping 
cautiously over the side of the boat into the 
dark water. “ I wish it hadn’t let go — I 
should so like a little crab to take home with 
me ! ” But the Sheep only laughed scornfully, 
and went on with her knitting. 

“ Are there many crabs here ? ” said Alice. 

“ Crabs, and all sorts of things,” said the 
Sheep : “ plenty of choice, only make up your 
mind. Now, what do you want to buy?” 


110 


WOOL AND WATER. 



“To buy!” Alice echoed in a tone that was 
half astonished and half frightened — for the 
oars, and the boat, and the river, had vanished 


WOOL AND WATER. 


Ill 


all in a moment, and she was back again in 
the little dark shop. 

“ I should like to buy an egg, please,” she 
said timidly. “ How do you sell them ? ” 

“ Fivepence farthing for one — twopence for 
two,” the Sheep replied. 

“ Then two are cheaper than one ? ” Alice 
said in a surprised tone, taking out her purse. 

“ Only you must eat them both, if you buy 
two,” said the Sheep. 1 

“ Then I ’ll have one , please,” said Alice, as 
she put the money down on the counter. For 
she thought to herself, “ They mightn’t be at 
all nice, you know.” 

The Sheep took the money, and put it away 
in a box : then she said “ I never put things 
into people’s hands — that would never do — you 
must get it for yourself.” And so saying, she 
went off to the other end of the shop, and set 
the egg upright on a shelf. 

“ I wonder why it wouldn’t do ? ” thought 
Alice, as she groped her way among the tables 


112 


WOOL AND WATER. 


and chairs, for the shop was very dark towards 
the end. “ The egg seems to get further away 
the more I walk towards it. Let me see, is this 
a chair ? Why, it ’s got branches, I declare ! 
How very odd to find trees growing here ! 
And actually here *s a little brook ! Well, this 
is the very queerest shop I ever saw ! ” 

* * * * * * 

* * * * * 

****** 

So she went on, wondering more and more 
at every step, as everything turned into a tree 
the moment she came up to it, and she quite 
expected the egg to do the same. 


CHAPTER VI. 

HUMPTY DUMPTY. 

However, the egg only got larger and larger, 
and more and more human : when she had come 
within a few yards of it, she saw that it had 
eyes and a nose and mouth ; and, when she 
had come close to it, she saw clearly that it 
was HUMPTY DUMPTY himself. “It ca’n't be 
anybody else ! ” she said to herself. “ Pm as 
certain of it, as if his name were written all 
over his face ! ” 

It might have been written a hundred times, 
easily, on that enormous face. Humpty Dumpty 
was sitting, with his legs crossed like a Turk, 


I 


114 


HTTMPTY DUMPTY. 


on the top of a high wall — such a narrow one 
that Alice quite wondered how he could keep 
his balance — and, as his eyes were steadily 
fixed in the opposite direction, and he didn’t 
take the least notice of her, she thought he 
must be a stuffed figure, after all. 

“ And how exactly like an egg he is ! ” she 
said aloud, standing with her hands ready to 
catch him, for she was every moment expecting 
him to fall. 

“ It ’s very provoking,” Humpty Dumpty said 
after a long silence, looking away from Alice as 
he spoke, “to be called an egg — very /” 

“ I said you looked like an egg, Sir,” Alice 
gently explained. “ And some eggs are very 
pretty, you know,” she added, hoping to turn 
her remark into a sort of compliment. 

“ Some people,” said Humpty Dumpty, look- 
ing away from her as usual, “ have no more 
sense than a baby ! ” 

Alice didn’t know what to say to this : it 
wasn’t at all like conversation, she thought, as 


HUMPTY DUMPTY. 


115 


he never said anything to her ; in fact, his last 
remark was evidently addressed to a tree — so 
she stood and softly repeated to herself : — 

“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall: 

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall . 

All the King's horses and all the King's men 
Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty in his place again." 

“ That last line is much too long for the 
poetry,” she added, almost out loud, forgetting 
that Humpty Dumpty would hear her. 

“ Don’t stand chattering to yourself like that,” 
Humpty Dumpty said, looking at her for the 
first time, “but tell me your name and your 
business.” 

“My name is Alice, but ” 

“ It ’s a stupid name enough ! ” Humpty 
Dumpty interrupted impatiently. “What does 
it mean ? ” 

“Must a name mean something?” Alice 
asked doubtfully. 

I 2 


116 


HUMPTY DUMPTY. 


“ Of course it must,” Humpty Dumpty said 
with a short laugh : my name means the shape 
I am — and a good handsome shape it is, too. 
With a name like yours, you might be any 
shape, almost.” 

“ Why do you sit out here all alone ? ” said 
Alice, not wishing to begin an argument. 

“ Why, because there's nobody with me ! ” 
cried Humpty Dumpty. “ Did you think I didn’t 
know the answer to that ? Ask another.” 

“ Don’t you think you ’d be safer down on 
the ground ? ” Alice went on, not with any 
idea of making another riddle, but simply in 
her good-natured anxiety for the queer creature. 
“ That wall is so very narrow ! ” 

“ What tremendously easy riddles you ask ! ” 
Humpty Dumpty growled out. “ Of course I 
don’t think so! Why, if ever I did fall off— 

which there’s no chance of — but if I did ” 

Here he pursed up his lips, and looked so solemn 
and grand that Alice could hardly help laughing. 
“If I did fall,” he went on, “ the King has 


HUMPTY DUMPTY. 


117 


promised me — ah, you may turn pale, if you 
like ! You didn’t think I was going to say 
that, did you? The King has promised me — > 
with his very own mouth— to — to ” 

“To send all his horses and all his men,” 
Alice interrupted, rather unwisely. 

“Now I declare that ’s too had ! ” Humpty 
Dumpty cried, breaking into a sudden passion. 
“ You ’ve been listening at doors — and behind 
trees — and down chimneys — or you couldn’t have 
known it ! ” 

“ I haven’t, indeed ! ” Alice said very gently. 
“ It ’s in a book.” 

“ Ah, well ! They may write such things in 
a book” Humpty Dumpty said in a calmer tone. 
“ That’s what you call a History of England, 
that is. Now, take a good look at me ! I’m 
one that has spoken to a King, / am : mayhap 
you ’ll never see such another : and, to show 
you I’m not proud, you may shake hands with 
me ! ” And he grinned almost from ear to ear, 
as he leant forwards (and as nearly as possible 


118 


HUMPTY DUMPTY. 



fell off the wall in doing 
so) and offered Alice his 
hand. She watched him 
a little anxiously as she 
took it. “ If he smiled 
much more the ends of 
his mouth might meet 
behind,” she thought : 
“ and then I don’t know what would happen 
to his head ! I’m afraid it would come off ! ” 

“ Yes, all his horses and all his men/’ Humpty 


HUMPTY DUMPTY. 


119 


Dumpty went on. “ They'd pick me up again 
in a minute, they would ! However, this con- 
versation is going on a little too fast : let 's go 
back to the last remark but one.” 

“ I'm afraid I can't quite remember it,” Alice 
said, very politely. 

“ In that case we start afresh,” said Humpty 
Dumpty, “ and it 's my turn to choose a sub- 
ject ” (“ He talks about it just as if it was 

a game ! ” thought Alice.) “ So here's a question 
for you. How old did you say you were ? ” 

Alice made a short calculation, and said 
“ Seven years and six months.” 

“ Wrong ! ” Humpty Dumpty exclaimed tri- 
umphantly. “ You never said a word like it ! ” 

“ I thought you meant ‘ How old are you ? ' ” 
Alice explained. 

“ If I ’d meant that, I 'd have said it,” said 
Humpty Dumpty. 

Alice didn’t want to begin another argu- 
ment, so she said nothing. 

“ Seven years and six months ! ” Humpty 


120 


HUMPTY DUMPTY. 


Dumpty repeated thoughtfully. “ An uncom- 
fortable sort of age. Now if you ’d asked my 

advice, I ’d have said ‘ Leave off at seven ’ 

but it ’s too late now.” 

“ I never ask advice about growing,” Alice 
said indignantly. 

“ Too proud ? ” the other enquired. 

Alice felt even more indignant at this sug- 
gestion. “ I mean,” she said, “ that one ca’n’t 
help growing older.” 

“ One ca’n’t, perhaps,” said Humpty Dumpty ; 
“ but two can. With proper assistance, you 
might have left off at seven.” 

“ What a beautiful belt you’ve got on ! ” 
Alice suddenly remarked. (They had had quite 
enough of the subject of age, she thought : and, 
if they really were to take turns in choosing 
subjects, it was her turn now.) “At least,” 
she corrected herself on second thoughts, “ a 
beautiful cravat, I should have said — no, a 
belt, I mean — I beg your pardon ! ” she added 
in dismay, for Humpty Dumpty looked thoroughly 


HUMPTY DUMPTY. 


121 


offended, and she began to wish she hadn’t 
chosen that subject. “ If only I knew,” she 
thought to herself, “ which was neck and which 
was waist ! ” 

Evidently Humpty Dumpty was very angry, 
though he said nothing for a minute or two. 
When he did speak again, it was in a deep 
growl. 

“ It is a — most — provoking — thing,” he said 
at last, “ when a person doesn’t know a cravat 
from a belt ! ” 

“ I know it ’s very ignorant of me,” Alice 
said, in so humble a tone that Humpty Dumpty 
relented. 

“ It ’s a cravat, child, and a beautiful one, as 
you say. It’s a present from the White King 
and Queen. There now ! ” 

“ Is it really ? ” said Alice, quite pleased to 
find that she had chosen a good subject, after 
all. 

“They gave it me,” Humpty Dumpty con- 
tinued thoughtfully, as he crossed one knee over 


122 


HUMPTY DUMPTY. 


the other and clasped his hands round it, “they 
gave it me — for an un-birthday present.” 

“ I beg your pardon ? ” Alice said with a 
puzzled air. 

“ I’m not offended,” said Humpty Dumpty. 

“ I mean, what is an un -birthday present ? ” 

“"A present given when it isn’t your birthday, 
of course.” 

Alice considered a little. “ I like birthday 
presents best,” she said at last. 

“ You don’t know what you ’re talking 
about ! ” cried Humpty Dumpty. “ How many 
days are there in a year ? ” 

“ Three hundred and sixty-five,” said Alice. 

“ And how many birthdays have you ? ” 

“ One.” 

“And if you take one from three hundred 
and sixty-five, what remains?” 

“Three hundred and sixty-four, of course.” 

Humpty Dumpty looked doubtful. “ I’d rather 
see that done on paper,” he said. 

Alice couldn’t help smiling as she took out 


HUMPTY DUMPTY. 


123 


her memorandum-book, and worked the sum 
for him : 

3 6 5 
1 

3 6 4 


Humpty Dumpty took the book, and looked at 

it carefully. “ That seems to be done right ” 

he began. 

“ You 're holding it upside down ! ” Alice 
interrupted. 

“ To be sure I was ! ” Humpty Dumpty 
said gaily, as she turned it round for him. “ I 
thought it looked a little queer. As I was saying, 
that seems to be done right — though I haven’t 
time to look it over thoroughly just now — 
and that shows that there are three hundred 
and sixty-four days when you might get un- 
birthday presents ” 

“ Certainly,” said Alice. 

“ And only one for birthday presents, you 
know. There’s glory for you ! ” 


124 


HUMPTY DUMPTY. 


“ I don’t know what you mean by ‘ glory/ ” 
Alice said. 

Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously. ‘ ‘ Of 
course you don’t — till I tell you. I meant 
‘ there’s a nice knock-down argument for you ! ’ ” 

“ But ‘ glory ’ doesn’t mean ‘ a nice knock- 
down argument/ ’’ Alice objected. 

“When I use a word/’ Humpty Dumpty 
said, in rather a scornful tone, “ it means just 
what I choose it to mean — neither more nor 
less.’’ 

“ The question is,” said Alice, “ whether you 
can make words mean so many different things.” 

“ The question is,” said Humpty Dumpty, 
“ which is to be master that’s all.” 

Alice was too much puzzled to say anything ; 
so after a minute Humpty Dumpty began 
again. “They’ve a temper, some of them — 
particularly verbs: they’re the proudest — adjec- 
tives you can do anything with, but not verbs 
— however, I can manage the whole lot of 
them ! Impenetrability ! That ’s what / say ! ” 


HUMPTY DUMPTY. 


125 


“ Would you tell me, please,” said Alice, 
“what that means?” 

“ Now you talk like a reasonable child,” said 
Humpty Dumpty, looking very much pleased. 
“ I meant by ‘ impenetrability ’ that we ’ve had 
enough of that subject, and it would be just as 
well if you ’d mention what you mean to do 
next, as I suppose you don’t mean to stop here 
all the rest of your life.” 

“ That 9 s a great deal to make one word 
mean,” Alice said in a thoughtful tone. 

“ When I make a word do a lot of work 
like that,” said Humpty Dumpty, “ I always pay 
it extra.” 

“ Oh ! ” said Alice. She was too much 
puzzled to make any other remark. 

“Ah, you should see ’em come round me of 
a Saturday night,” Humpty Dumpty went on, 
wagging his head gravely from side to side, 
“for to get their wages, you know.” 

(Alice didn’t venture to ask what he paid 
them with ; and so you see I ca’n’t tell you.) 


126 


HUMPTY DUMPTY. 


“You seem very clever at explaining words, 
Sir,” said Alice. “ Would you kindly tell nue the 
meaning of the poem called ‘ Jabberwocky ’ ? ” 

“ Let ’s hear it,” said Humpty Dumpty. “ I 
can explain all the poems that ever were in- 
vented — and a good many that haven’t been 
invented just yet.” 

This sounded very hopeful, so Alice repeated 
the first verse : — 

“’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves 
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe: 

All mimsy were the borogoves, 

And the mome raths outgrabe ” 

“ That’s enough to begin with,” Humpty 
Dumpty interrupted : “ there are plenty of hard 
words there. 4 Brillig ’ means four o’clock in the 
afternoon — the time when you begin broiling 
things for dinner.” 

“ That ’ll do very well,” said Alice : “ and 
' slithy' V' 

“ Well, ‘ slithy ' means ‘ lithe and slimy.’ 


HLJM FT Y DUMPX-l. 



4 Lithe ' is the same as ‘ active/ You see it ’s 
like a portmanteau — there are two meanings 
packed up into one word.” 


128 


HUMPTY DUMPTY. 


“I see it now,” Alice remarked thoughtfully : 
“ and what are 4 toves ’ ? ” 

“Well, 4 toves ’ are something like badgers — 
they he something like lizards — and they ; re 
something like corkscrews.” 

“ They must be very curious-looking creatures.” 

44 They are that,” said Humpty Dumpty : 
44 also they make their nests under sun-dials — 
also they live on cheese.” 

44 And what ’s to 4 gyre ’ and to 4 girnble ’ ? ” 

44 To 4 gyre ’ is to go round and round like 
a gyroscope. To ‘girnble’ is to make holes like 
a gimblet.” 

44 And 4 the wabe ’ is the grass-plot round a 
sun-dial, I suppose ? ” said Alice, surprised at 
her own ingenuity. 

44 Of course it is. It ’s called 4 wabe’ you 
know, because it goes a long way before it, 
and a long way behind it ” 

44 And a long way beyond it on each side,” 
Alice added. 

“Exactly so. Well then, 4 mimsy’ is ‘flimsy 


HUMPTY DUMPTY. 


129 


and miserable ’ (there 's another portmanteau for 
you). And a ‘ borogove ’ is a thin shabby-looking 
bird with its feathers sticking out all round — 
something like a live mop.” 

“ And then ‘ mome raths ’ ? ” said Alice. 
‘‘I’m afraid I'm giving you a great deal of 
trouble.” 

“Well, a ‘ rath ’ is a sort of green pig: but 
‘ mome ' I'm not certain about. I think it's 
short for 4 from home ' — meaning that they 'd 
lost their way, you know.” 

“ And what does 4 outgrabe ' mean ? ” 

44 Well, 4 outgribing ' is something between 
bellowing and whistling, with a kind of sneeze 
in the middle : however, you 'll hear it done, 
maybe — down in the wood yonder — and, when 
you 've once heard it, you '11 be quite con- 
tent. Who's been repeating all that hard stuff 
to you ? ” 

44 1 read it in a book,” said Alice. “But 
I had some poetry repeated to me much easier 
than that, by — Tweedledee, I think it was.” 

K 


130 


HUMPTY DUMPTY, 


“ As to poetry, you know,” said Humpty 
Dumpty, stretching out one of his great hands, 
“I can repeat poetry as well as other folk, if it 
comes to that ” 

“ Oh, it needn't come to that ! ” Alice hastily 
said, hoping to keep him from beginning. 

“The piece I'm going to repeat,” he went 
on without noticing her remark, “ was written 
entirely for your amusement.” 

Alice felt that in that case she really ought 
to listen to it ; so she sat down, and said “ Thank 
you ” rather sadly. 

“ In winter, when the fields are white, 

I sing this song for your delight 

only I don't sing it,” he added, as an ex- 
planation. 

“I see you don't,” said Alice. 

“ If you can see whether I 'm singing or not, 
you 've sharper eyes than most,” Humpty 
Dumpty remarked severely. Alice was silent. 


HUMPTY DUMPTY. 


131 


“In spring , when woods are getting green , 

I ’ll try and tell yon what I mean : ” 

“ Thank you very much,” said Alice. 

“In summer, when the days are long, 

Perhaps yon ’ll understand the song : 

In autumn, when the leaves are brown, 

Take pen and ink, and write it down.” 

“ I will, if I can remember it so long,” said 
Alice. 

“You needn’t go on making remarks like 
that,” Humpty Dumpty said : “ they ’re not 
sensible, and they put me out.” 

“I sent a message to the fish: 

I told them ‘ This is what I wish * 

% 

The little fishes of the sea, 

They sent an answer back to me, 

K 2 


132 


HUMPTY DUMPTY. 


The little fishes 1 answer was 
‘ We cannot do it, Sir, because ’ ” 

“I'm afraid I don't quite understand," said 
Alice. 

“ It gets easier further on," Humpty Dumpty 
replied. 

“I sent to them again to say 

* It will be better to obey 1 

The fishes answered, with a grin, 

* Why, what a temper you are in ! 1 

I told them once, I told them twice : 

They would not listen to advice. 

I took a kettle large and new, 

Fit for the deed I had to do. 

My heart went hop, my heart went thump: 

I filled the kettle at the pump. 


HUMPTY DUMPTY. 


138 


Then some one came to me and said 
' The little fishes are in bed! 



I said to him , I said it plain, 

1 Then you must wake them up again! 


I said it very loud and clear: 

I went and shouted in his ear ” 


134 


HUMPTY DUMPTY. 


Humpty Dumpty raised his voice almost tc 
a scream as he repeated this verse, and Alice 
thought, with a shudder, “I wouldn't have been 
the messenger for anything ! ” 


“ But he was very stiff and 'proud : 

He said ‘ You needn't shout so loud!' 

And he was very proud and stiff : 

He said 'I'd go and wake them , if ’ 

I took a corkscrew from the shelf: 

I went to wake them up myself 

And when I found the door was locked , 

I pulled and pushed and kicked and knocked. 

And when I found the door was shut , 

I tried to turn the handle , but ” 

There was a long pause. 

“ Is that all ? ” Alice timidly asked. 


HUMPTY DUMPTY. 


135 


“ That’s all,” said Humpty Dumpty. “Good- 
bye.” 

This was rather sudden, Alice thought : but, 
after such a very strong hint that she ought to 
be going, she felt that it would hardly be civil 
to stay. So she got up, and held out her hand. 
“ Good-bye, till we meet again ! ” she said as 
cheerfully as . she could. 

“ I shouldn’t know you again if we did 
meet,” Humpty Dumpty replied in a discontented 
tone, giving her one of his fingers to shake : 
“ you ’re so exactly like other people.” 

“ The face is what one goes by, generally,” 
Alice remarked in a thoughtful tone. 

“That’s just what I complain of,” said Humpty 
Dumpty. “Your face is the same as everybody 

has — the two eyes, so ” (marking their 

places in the air with his thumb) “ nose in the 
middle, mouth under. It’s always the same. 
Now if you had the two eyes on the same side 
of the nose, for instance — or the mouth at 
the top — that would be some help.” 


136 


HUMPTY DUMPTY. 


-‘It wouldn’t look nice,” Alice objected. But 
Humpty Dumpty only shut his eyes, and said 
“Wait till you’ve tried.” 

Alice waited a minute to see if he would 
speak again, but, as he never opened his eyes 
or took any further notice of her, she said 
“ Good-bye ! ” once more, and, getting no answer 
to this, she quietly walked away : but she 
couldn’t help saying to herself, as she went, 

“ Of all the unsatisfactory ” (she repeated 

this aloud, as it was a great comfort to have 
such a long word to say) “ of all the unsatisfac- 
tory people I ever met ” She never finished 

the sentence, for at this moment a heavy crash 
shook the forest from end to end. 


CHAPTER VII. 


THE LION AND THE UNICORN. 

The next moment soldiers came running 
through the wood, at first in twos and threes, 
then ten or twenty together, and at last in such 
crowds that they seemed to fill the whole forest. 
Alice got behind a tree, for fear of being run 
over, and watched them go by. 

She thought that in all her life she had 
never seen soldiers so uncertain on their feet : 
they were always tripping over something or 
other, and whenever one went down, several 
more always fell over him, so that the ground 
was soon covered with little heaps of men. 


138 


THE LION AND 



Then came the horses. Having four feet, 
these managed rather better than the foot-sol- 
diers ; but even they stumbled now and then; 



THE UNICORN. 


139 


and it seemed to be a regular rule that, when- 
ever a horse stumbled, the rider fell off instantly. 
The confusion got worse every moment, and 
Alice was very glad to get out of the wood 
into an open place, where she found the White 
King seated on the ground, busily writing in 
his memorandum-book. 

“ I ’ve sent them all ! ” the King cried in 
a tone of delight, on seeing Alice. “ Did you 
happen to meet any soldiers, my dear, as you 
came through the wood ? ” 

“ Yes, I did,” said Alice : “ several thousand, 
I should think.” 

“ Four thousand two hundred and seven, 
that ’s the exact number,” the King said, referring 
to his book. “ I couldn’t send all the horses, 
you know, because two of them are wanted in 
the game. And I haven’t sent the two Mes- 
sengers, either. They ’re both gone to the town. 
Just look along the road, and tell me if you 
can see either of them.” 

“ I see nobody on the road,” said Alice. 


140 


THE LION AND 


“ I only wish I had such eyes,” the King 
remarked in a fretful tone. “To be able to 
see Nobody ! And at that distance too ! Why, 
it’s as much as / can do to see real people, 
by this light ! ” 

All this was lost on Alice, who was still 
looking intently along the road, shading her 
eyes with one hand. “I see somebody now!” 
she exclaimed at last. “ But he 's coming very 
slowly — and what curious attitudes he goes 
into ! ” (For the Messenger kept skipping up 
and down, and wriggling like an eel, as he 
came along, with his great hands spread out 
like fans on each side.) 

“Not at all,” said the King. “He's an 
Anglo-Saxon Messenger — and those are Anglo- 
Saxon attitudes. He only does them when he's 
happy. His name is Haigha.” (He pronounced 
it so as to rhyme with 4 mayor.’) 

“ I love my love with an H,” Alice couldn't 
help beginning, “ because he is Happy. I hate 
him with an H, because he is Hideous. I fed 


THE UNICORN. 


141 


him with — with — with Ham-sandwiches and Hay. 

His name is Haigha, and he lives ” 

“ He lives on the Hill,” the King remarked 
simply, without the least idea that he was joining 
in the game, while Alice was still hesitating 
for the name of a town beginning with H. “ The 
other Messenger ’s called Hatta. I must have 
two , you know — to come and go. One to 
come, and one to go.” 

“ I beg your pardon ? ” said Alice. 

“ It isn’t respectable to beg,” said the King. 
“ I only meant that I didn’t understand,” said 
Aiice. “ Why one to come and one to go ? ” 

“ Don’t I tell you ? ” the King repeated 
impatiently. “ I must have two — to fetch and 
carry. One to fetch, and one to carry.” 

At this moment the Messenger arrived : he 
was far too much out of breath to say a word, 
and could only wave his hands about, and make 
the most fearful faces at the poor King. 

“ This young lady loves you with an H,” 
the King said, introducing Alice in the hope of 


142 


THE LION AND 


turning off the Messenger’s attention from him- 
self — but it was of no use — the Anglo-Saxon 
attitudes only got more extraordinary every 
moment, while the great eyes rolled wildly from 
side to side. 



“You alarm me ! ” said the King. “ I feel 

faint Give me a ham sandwich ! ” 

On which the Messenger, to Alice’s great 
amusement, opened a bag that hung round his 



THE UNICORN. 


143 


neck, and handed a sandwich to the King, who 
devoured it greedily. 

“ Another sandwich ! ” said the King. 

“ There’s nothing but hay left now,” the 
Messenger said, peeping into the bag. 

“ Hay, then,” the King murmured in a 
faint whisper. 

Alice was glad to see that it revived him a 
good deal. “There’s nothing like eating hay 
wdien you’re faint,” he remarked to her, as he 
munched away. 

“ I should think throwing cold water over 
you would be better,” Alice suggested : “ — or 
some sal-volatile.” 

“ I didn’t say there was nothing better ,” the 
King replied. “ I said there was nothing like 
it.” Which Alice did not venture to deny. 

“ Who did you pass on the road ? ” the 
King w T ent on, holding out his hand to the 
Messenger for some more hay. 

“ Nobody,” said the Messenger. 

“ Quite right,” said the King : “ this young 


144 


THE LION AND 


lady saw him too. So of course Nobody walks 
slower than you.” 

“ I do my best,” the Messenger said in a 
sullen tone. “ I ’m sure nobody walks much 
faster than I do ! ” 

“ He ca’n’t do that,” said the King, “ or else 
he’d have been here first. However, now you ’ve 
got your breath, you may tell us what’s hap- 
pened in the town.” 

“ I ’ll whisper it,” said the Messenger, putting 
his hands to his mouth in the shape of a trumpet 
and stooping so as to get close to the King’s 
ear. Alice was sorry for this, as she wanted to 
hear the news too. However, instead of whisper- 
ing, he simply shouted, at the top of his voice, 
“ They ’re at it again ! ’ 

“ Do you call that a whisper ? ” cried the 
poor King, jumping up and shaking himself. 
“ If you do such a thing again, I ’ll have you 
buttered ! It went through and through my 
head like an earthquake ! ” 

“ It would have to be a very tiny earth- 


THE UNICORN. 


145 


quake ! ” thought Alice. “ Who are at it again ? ” 
she ventured to ask. 

“Why, the Lion and the Unicorn, of course,” 
said the King. 

“ Fighting for the crown ? ” 

“Yes, to be sure,” said the King : “ and 
the best of the joke is, that it’s my crown all 
the while ! Let ’s run and see them.” And 
they trotted off, Alice repeating to herself, as 
she ran, the words of the old song : — 

“ The Lion and the Unicorn were fighting for the crown : 
The Lion beat the Unicorn all round the town. 

Some gave them white bread, some gave them brown: 
Some gave them plum-caJce and drummed them out of 
town .” 

“ Does the one that wins get the 

crown ? ” she asked, as well as she could, for 
the run was putting her quite out of breath. 

“ Dear me, no ! ” said the King. “ What 
an idea ! ” 

L 


146 


THE LION AND 


‘ Would you — be good enough ” Alice 

panted out, after running a little further, “to 
stop a minute — just to get — one’s breath 
again ? ” 

“I’m good enough,” the King said, “ only 
I ’m not strong enough. You see, a minute 
goes by so fearfully quick. You might as well 
try to stop a Bandersnatch ! ” 

Alice had no more breath for talking ; so 
they trotted on in silence, till they came into 
sight of a great crowd, in the middle of which 
the Lion and Unicorn were fighting. They 
were in such a cloud of dust, that at first Alice 
could not make out which was which ; but she 
soon managed to distinguish the Unicorn by 
his horn. 

They placed themselves close to where Hatta, 
the other Messenger, was standing watching the 
fight, with a cup of tea in one hand and a 
piece of bread-and-butter in the other. 

*‘He’s only just out of prison, and he hadn’t 
finished his tea when he was sent in,” Haigha 


THE UNICORN. 


147 


whispered to Alice : “ and they only give them 
oyster-shells in there — so you see he ’s very 
hungry and thirsty. How are you, dear child ? ” 
he went on, putting his arm affectionately round 
Hatta’ s neck. 

Hatta looked round and nodded, and went 
on with his bread-and-butter. 

“ Were you happy in prison, dear child ? ” 
said Haigha. 

Hatta looked round once more, and this time 
a tear or two trickled down his cheek ; but not 
a word would he say. 

“ Speak, ca’n’t you ! ” Haigha cried impa- 
tiently. But Hatta only munched away, and 
drank some more tea. 

“ Speak, wo’n’t you ! ” cried the King. “ How 
are they getting on with the fight?” 

Hatta made a desperate effort, and swallowed 
a large piece of bread-and-butter. 4 4 They ’re 
getting on very well,” he said in a choking voice : 
44 each of them has been down about eighty-seven 
times.” 

L 2 


148 


THE LION AND 



“ Then I suppose they ’ll soon bring the 
white bread and the brown ? ” Alice ventured 
to remark. 

“ It ’s waiting for ’em now,” said Hatta ; 
4 ‘this is a bit of it as I’m eating.” 

There was a pause in the fight just then, 
and the Lion and the Unicorn sat down, pant- 
ing, while the King called out “ Ten minutes 
allowed for refreshments ! ” Haigha and Hatta 


THE UNICORN. 


149 


set to work at once, carrying round trays of 
white and brown bread. Alice took a piece to 
taste, but it was very dry. 

“ I don't think they ’ll fight any more to- 
day,” the King said to Hatta : “ go and order 
the drums to begin.” And Hatta went bound- 
ing away like a grasshopper. 

For a minute or two Alice stood silent, 
watching him. Suddenly she brightened up. 
“ Look, look ! ” she cried, pointing eagerly. 
“ There ’s the White Queen running across the 
country ! She came flying out of the wood over 
yonder How fast those Queens can run ! ” 

“ There’s some enemy after her, no doubt,” 
the King said, without even looking round. 
“That wood’s full of them.” 

“ But aren’t you going to run and help 
her ? ” Alice asked, very much surprised at his 
taking it so quietly. 

“No use, no use ! ” said the King. “ She runs 
so fearfully quick. You might as well try to 
catch a Bandersnatch ! But I’ll make a memo- 


150 


THE LION AND 


randum about her, if you like She’s a dear 

good creature,” he repeated softly to himself, as 
he opened his memorandum-book. “ Do you 
spell ‘ creature ’ with a double ‘ e ’ ? ” 

At this moment the Unicorn sauntered by 
them, with his hands in his pockets. “ I had 
the best of it this time?” he said to the King, 
just glancing at him as he passed. 

“A little — a little,” the King replied, rather 
nervously. “ You shouldn’t have run him 
through with your horn, you know.” 

“ It didn’t hurt him,” the Unicorn said care- 
lessly, and he was going on, when his eye 
happened to fall upon Alice : he turned round 
instantly, and stood for some time looking at 
her with an air of the deepest disgust. 

“What — is — this?” he said at last. 

“ This is a child ! ” Haigha replied eagerly, 
coming in front of Alice to introduce her, and 
spreading out both his hands towards her in an 
Anglo-Saxon attitude. “We only found it to-day. 
It ’s as large as life, and twice as natural ! ” 


THE UNICORN. 


161 


“ I always thought they were fabulous mon- 
sters ! ” said the Unicorn. “Is it alive ? ” 

“ It can talk,” said Haigha solemnly. 

The Unicorn looked dreamily at Alice, and 
said “ Talk, child.” 

Alice could not help her lips curling up into 
a smile as she began : “Do you know, I always 
thought Unicorns were fabulous monsters, too ? 
I never saw one alive befoie ! ” 

“Well, now that we have seen each other,” 
said the Unicorn, “if you’ll believe in me, I’ll 
believe in you. Is that a bargain ? ” 

“Yes, if you like,” said Alice. 

“ Come, fetch out the plum-cake, old man ! ” 
the Unicorn went on, turning from her to the 
King. “ None of your brown bread for me ! ” 
“Certainly — certainly!” the King muttered, 
and beckoned to Haigha. “Open the bag!” he 
whispered. “Quick! Not that one — that’s full 
of hay ! ” 

Haigha took a large cake out of the bag, 
and gave it to Alice to hold, while he got 


152 


THE LION AND 


out a dish and carving-knife. How they all 
came out of it Alice couldn’t guess. It was 
just like a conjuring-trick, she thought. 



The Lion had joined them while this was 
going on : he looked very tired and sleepy, and 
his eyes were half shut. “What’s this!” he 
said, blinking lazily at Alice, and speaking in 
a deep hollow tone that sounded like the tolling 
of a great bell. 


THE UNICORN. 


153 


a Ah, what is it, now?” the Unicorn cried 
eagerly. “ You’ll never guess ! / couldn’t.” 

The Lion looked at Alice wearily. “ Are you 
animal — or vegetable — or mineral ? ” he said, 
yawning at every other word. 

“ It ’s a fabulous monster ! ” the Unicorn cried 
out, before Alice could reply. 

“Then hand round the plum-cake, Monster,” 
the Lion said, lying down ajid putting his chin 
on his paws. “ And sit down, both of you,” 
(to the King and the Unicorn) : “ fair play 
with the cake, you know ! ” 

The King was evidently very uncomfortable 
at having to sit down between the two great 
creatures ; but there was no other place for him. 

“ What a fight we might have for the crown, 
now ! ” the Unicorn said, looking slyly up at 
the crown, which the poor King was nearly 
shaking off his head, he trembled so much. 

“ I should win easy,” said the Lion. 

“ I’m not so sure of that,” said the Unicorn. 

“ Why, I beat you all round the town, you 


154 


THE LION AND 


chicken ! ” the Lion replied angrily, half getting 
up as he spoke. 

Here the King interrupted, to prevent the 
quarrel going on : he was very nervous, and 
his voice quite quivered. “ All round the town ? ” 
he said. “ That ’s a good long way. Did 
you go by the old bridge, or the market-place ? 
You get the best view by the old bridge.” 

“ I’m sure I don’t know,” the Lion growled 
out as he lay down again. “ There was too 
much dust to see anything. What a time the 
Monster is, cutting up that cake ! ” 

Alice had seated herself on the bank of a 
little brook, with the great dish on her knees, 
and was sawing away diligently with the knife, 
“ It ’s very provoking ! ” she said, in reply to 
the Lion (she was getting quite used to being 
called ‘the Monster’). “I’ve cut several slices 
already, but they always join on again ! ” 

“You don’t know how to manage Looking- 
glass cakes,” the Unicorn remarked. “ Hand it 
round first, and cut it afterwards.” 


THE UNICORN. 


165 


This sounded nonsense, but Alice very obedi- 
ently got up, and carried the dish round, and 
the cake divided itself into three pieces as she 
did so. “ Now cut it up,” said the Lion, as 
she returned to her place with the empty dish. 

V I say, this isn’t fair ! ” cried the Unicorn, 
as Alice sat with the knife in her hand, very 
much puzzled how to begin. “ The Monster has 
given the Lion twice as much as me ! ” 

“ She ’s kept none for herself, anyhow,” said 
the Lion. “ Do you like plum-cake, Monster ? ” 
But before Alice could answer him, the 
drums began. 

Where the noise came from, she couldn’t 
make out : the air seemed full of it, and it 
rang through and through her head till she felt 
quite deafened. She started to her feet and 
sprang across the little brook in her terror, 


156 


THE LION AND THE UNICORN. 


and had just time 
to see the Lion 
and the Unicorn 
rise to their feet, 
with angry looks 
at being inter- 
rupted in their 
feast, before she 
dropped to her 
knees, and put 
her hands over 
her ears, vainly 
trying to shut 
out the dreadful 
uproar. 

“If that doesn’t ‘drum them out of town,”’ 
she thought to herself, “ nothing ever will ! ” 



CHAPTEK VIII. 


“it’s my own invention.” 

After a while the noise seemed gradually to 
die away, till all was dead silence, and Alice 
lifted up her head in some alarm. There was 
no one to be seen, and her first thought was 
that she must have been dreaming about the 
Lion and the Unicorn and those queer Anglo- 
Saxon Messengers. However, there was the great 
dish still lying at her feet, on which she had 
tried to cut the plum-cake, “So I wasn’t dream- 
ing, after all,” she said to herself, “ unless — 
unless we ’re all part of the same dream. Only I 
do hope it ’s my dream, and not the Eed King’s ! 


158 


it’s MY OWN invention: 


I don’t like belonging to another person’s 
dream,” she went on in a rather complaining 
tone : “ I’ve a great mind to go and wake him, 
and see what happens ! ” 

At this moment her thoughts were interrupted 
by a loud shouting of “ Ahoy ! Ahoy ! Check ! ” 
and a Knight, dressed in crimson armour, came 
galloping down upon her, brandishing a great 
club. Just as he reached her, the horse stopped 
suddenly : “You ’re my prisoner ! ” the Knight 
cried, as he tumbled off his horse. 

Startled as she was, Alice was more frightened 
for him than for herself at the moment, and 
watched him with some anxiety as he mounted 
again. As soon as he was comfortably in the 

saddle, he began once more “ You ’re my ” 

but here another voice broke in “ Ahoy ! Ahoy ! 
Check ! ” and Alice looked round in some surprise 
for the new enemy. 

This time it was a White Knight. He drew 
up at Alice’s side, and tumbled off his horse just 
as the Red Knight had done : then he got on 


it's my own invention: 


159 


again, and the two Knights sat and looked at 
each other for some time without speaking. 
Alice looked from one to the other in some 
bewilderment. 

“ She ’s my prisoner, you know ! ” the Red 
Knight said at last. 

“Yes, but then / came and rescued her ! ” 
the White Knight replied. 

“ Well, we must fight for her, then/’ said the 
Red Knight, as he took up his helmet (which 
hung from the saddle, and was something the 
shape of a horse’s head) and put it on. 

“ You will observe the Rules of Battle, of 
course ? ” the White Knight remarked, putting 
on his helmet too. 

“ I always do,” said the Red Knight, and 
they began banging away at each other with 
such fury that Alice got behind a tree to be out 
of the way of the blows. 

“ I wonder, now, what the Rules of Battle are,” 
she said to herself, as she watched the fight, timidly 
peeping out from her hiding-place. “ One Rule 


L60 


“it's my own invention.” 



seems to be, that if one Knight hits the other, 
he knocks him off his horse ; and, if he misses, 
he tumbles off himself — and another Rule seems 
to be that they hold their clubs with their arms, 

as if they were Punch and Judy What a noise 

they make when they tumble ! Just like a whole 


“it's my own invention . 1 


161 


set of fire-irons falling into the fender ! And how 
quiet the horses are ! They let them get on 
and off them just as if they were tables ! ” 

Another Rule of Battle, that Alice had not 
noticed, seemed to be that they always fell on 
their heads ; and the battle ended with their both 
falling off in this way, side by side. When 
they got up again, they shook hands, and then 
the Red Knight mounted and galloped off. 

“ It was a glorious victory, wasn’t it ? ” said 
the White Knight, as he came up panting. 

“ I don’t know,” Alice said doubtfully. “ I 
don’t want to be anybody’s prisoner. I want to 
be a Queen.” 

“ So you will, when you ’ve crossed the next 
brook,” said the White Knight. “ I ’ll see you 
safe to the end of the wood — and then I must go 
back, you know. That ’s the end of my move.” 

“ Thank -you very much,” said Alice. “ May I 
help you off with your helmet ? ” It was evidently 
more than he could manage by himself : however 
she managed to shake him out of it at last. 

M 


162 


it’s my own invention: 


“ Now one can breathe more easily,” said the 
Knight, putting back his shaggy hair with both 
hands, and turning his gentle face and large mild 
eyes to Alice. She thought she had never seen 
such a strange-looking soldier in all her life. 

He was dressed in tin armour, which seemed 
to fit him very badly, and he had a queer-shaped 
little deal box fastened across his shoulders, 
upside-down, and with the lid hanging open. 
Alice looked at it with great curiosity. 

“I see you’re admiring my little box,” the 
Knight said in a friendly tone. “ It ’s my own 
invention — to keep clothes and sandwiches in. 
You see I carry it upside-down, so that the rain 
ca’n’t get in.” 

“But the things can get out ,” Alice gently 
remarked. “ Do you know the lid’s open ? ” 

“ I didn’t know it,” the Knight said, a shade 
of vexation passing over his face. “ Then all the 
things must have fallen out ! And the box is no 
use without them.” He unfastened it as he spoke, 
and was just going to throw it into the bushes. 


“IT’S MY OWN INVENTION. 1 


163 


when a sudden thought seemed to strike him, 
and he hung it carefully on a tree. “ Can you 
guess why I did that ? ” he said to Alice. 

Alice shook her head. 

“ In hopes some bees may make a nest in it 
— then I should get the honey/ 

“ But you ’ve got a bee-hive — or something 
like one — fastened to the saddle,” said Alice. 

“Yes, it's a very good bee-hive,” the Knight 
said in a discontented tone, “ one of the best 
kind. But not a single bee has come near it yet. 
And the other thing is a mouse-trap. I suppose 
the mice keep the bees out — or the bees keep 
the mice out, I don’t know which.” 

“ I was wondering what the mouse-trap was 
for,” said Alice. “It isn’t very likely there 
would be any mice on the horse’s back.” 

“Not very likely, perhaps,” said the Knight ; 
“but, if they do come, I don’t choose to have 
them running all about.” 

“You see,” he went on after a pause, “ it’s as 
well to be provided for everything. That’s the 
m 2 


164 


it's MY OWN invention . 5 


reason the horse has all those anklets round hia 
feet.” 

“ But what are they for ? ” Alice asked in a 
tone of great curiosity. 

“ To guard against the bites of sharks/ 5 the 
Knight replied. “ It ’s an invention of my own. 
And now help me on. I’ll go with you to the 
end of the wood What’s that dish for ? ” 

4 It’s meant for plum-cake,” said Alice. 

“We’d better take it with us,” the Knight 
said. “It’ll come in handy if we find any 
plum-cake. Help me to get it into this bag.” 

This took a long time to manage, though Alice 
held the bag open very carefully, because the 
Knight was so very awkward in putting in the 
dish : the first two or three times that he tried 
he fell in himself instead. 44 It ’s rather a tight 
fit, you see,” he said, as they got it in at last ; 
44 there are so many candlesticks in the bag.” 
And he hung it to the saddle, which was already 
loaded with bunches of carrots, and fire-irons, 
and many other things. 


“ IT ’S MY OWN INVENTION.' 


165 


“ I hope you ’ve got your hair well fastened 
on ? ” he continued, as they set off. 

“ Only in the usual wa y,” Alice said, smiling. 

“That’s hardly enough,” he said, anxiously. 
“You see the wind is so very strong here. It’s 
as strong as soup.” 

“Have you invented a plan for keeping the 
hair from being blown of ? ” Alice enquired. 

“Not yet,” said the Knight. “ But I’ve got 
a plan for keeping it from falling off.” 

“ I should like to hear it, very much.” 

“First you take an upright stick,” said the 
Knight. “ Then you make your hair creep up 
it, like a fruit-tree. Now the reason hair falls 
off is because it hangs down — things never 
fall upwards , you know. It’s a plan of my 
own invention. You may try it if you like.” 

It didn’t sound a comfortable plan, Alice 
thought, and for a few minutes she walked on 
in silence, puzzling over the idea, and every now 
and then stopping to help the poor Knight, who 
certainly was not a good rider. 


166 


IT S MY OWN INVENTION. 



Whenever the horse stopped (which it did 
very often), he fell off in front ; and, when- 
ever it went on again (which it generally did 
rather suddenly), he fell off behind. Otherwise 
he kept on pretty well, except that he had a 
habit of now and then falling off sideways ; and, 
as he generally did this on the side on which 


“it's my own invention: 


167 


Alice was walking, she soon found that it was the 
best plan not to walk quite close to the horse. 

“I’m afraid you ’ve not had much practice in 
riding,” she ventured to say, as she was helping 
him up from his fifth tumble. 

The Knight looked very much surprised, and a 
little offended at the remark. “ What makes you 
say that ? ” he asked, as he scrambled back into the 
saddle, keeping hold of Alice’s hair with one hand, 
to save himself from falling over on the other side. 

“ Because people don’t fall off quite so often, 
when they’ve had much practice.” 

“I’ve had plenty of practice,” the Knight said 
very gravely : “ plenty of practice ! ” 

Alice could think of nothing better to say 
than “ Indeed ? ” but she said it as heartily as 
she could. They went on a little way in silence 
after this, the Knight with his eyes shut, mutter- 
ing to himself, and Alice watching anxiously for 
the next tumble. 

“ The great art of riding,” the Knight suddenly 
began in a loud voice, waving his right arm as he 


168 


it’s my own invention; 


spoke, “ is to keep ” Here the sentence ended 

as suddenly as it had begun, as the Knight fell 
heavily on the top of his head exactly in the path 
where Alice was walking. She was quite frightened 
this time, and said in an anxious tone, as she 
picked him up, “ I hope no bones are broken ? ” 

“ None to speak of,” the Knight said, as if 
he didn’t mind breaking two or three of them. 
“The great art of riding, as I was saying, is — 
to keep your balance properly. Like this, you 
know ” 

He let go the bridle, and stretched out both 
his arms to show Alice what he meant, and this 
time he fell flat on his back, right under the 
horse’s feet. 

“ Plenty of practice ! ” he went on repeating, 
all the time that Alice was getting him on his 
feet again. “ Plenty of practice ! ” 

“It’s too ridiculous!” cried Alice, losing all 
her patience this time. “You ought to have a 
wooden horse on wheels, that you ought ! ” 

“ Does that kind go smoothly ? ” the Knight 


“it's my own invention . 1 


169 


asked in a tone of great interest, clasping his 
arms round the horse’s neck as he spoke, just in 
time to save himself from tumbling off again. 

“ Much more smoothly than a live horse,” 
Alice said, with a little scream of laughter, in 
spite of all she could do to prevent it. 

“ I ’ll get one,” the Knight said thoughtfully 
to himself. “ One or two — several.” 

There was a short silence after this, and 
then the Knight went on again. “I’m a great 
hand at inventing things. Now, I daresay you 
noticed, the last time you picked me up, that 
I was looking rather thoughtful ? ” 

“You were a little grave,” said Alice. 

“Well, just then I was inventing a new 
way of getting over a gate — would you like to 
hear it?” 

“Very much indeed,” Alice said politely. 

“ I ’ll tell you how I came to think of it,” said 
the Knight. “You see, I said to myself ‘The 
only difficulty is with the feet : the head is high 
enough already.’ Now, first I put my head on 


170 


it’s my own invention. 


the top of the gate — then the head ’s high 
enough — then I stand on my head — then the 
feet are high enough, you see — then I ’m over, 
you see.” 

“ Yes, I suppose you ’d be over when that 
was done,” Alice said thoughtfully : “ but don’t 
you think it would be rather hard ? ” 

“ I haven’t tried it yet,” the Knight said, 
gravely ; “ so I ca’n’t tell for certain — but I ’m 
afraid it would be a little hard.” 

He looked so vexed at the idea, that Alice 
changed the subject hastily. “ What a curious 
helmet you ’ve got ! ” she said cheerfully. “ Is 
that your invention too ? ” 

The Knight looked down proudly at his helmet, 
which hung from the saddle. “ Yes,” he said ; 
“ but I ’ve invented a better one than that — like 
a sugar-loaf. When I used to wear it, if I fell off 
the horse, it always touched the ground directly. 
So I had a very little way to fall, you see — But 
there was the danger of falling into it, to be sure. 
That happened to me once — and the worst of 


“it's my own invention. 


171 


it was, before I could get out again, the other 
White Knight came and put it on. He thought 
it was his own helmet.” 

The Knight looked so solemn about it that 
Alice did not dare to laugh. “ I ’m afraid you 
must have hurt him,” she said in a trembling 
voice, “ being on the top of his head.” 

“ I had to kick him, of course,” the Knight 
said, very seriously. “ And then he took the 
helmet off again — but it took hours and hours 
to get me out. I was as fast as — as lightning, 
you know.” 

“ But that ’s a different kind of fastness,” 
Alice objected. 

The Knight shook his head. “ It was all 
kinds of fastness with me, I can assure you ! ” he 
said. He raised his hands in some excitement as 
he said this, and instantly rolled out of the saddle, 
and fell headlong into a deep ditch. 

Alice ran to the side of the ditch to look for 
him. She was rather startled by the fall, as for 
some time he had kept on very well, and she was 


172 


“it’s my own invention. 


afraid that he really was hurt this time. However, 
though she could see nothing but the soles of his 
feet, she was much relieved to hear that he was 
talking on in his usual tone. “ All kinds of fast- 
ness,” he repeated : “ but it was careless of him 
to put another man’s helmet on — with the man 
in it, too.” 



“ How can you go on talking so quietly, head 
downwards ? ” Alice asked, as she dragged him 
out by the feet, and laid him in a heap on the 
bank. 


“ IT ’S MY OWN INVENTION . 1 


173 


The Knight looked surprised at the question. 
“What does it matter where my body happens 
to be ? ” he said. “ My mind goes on working all 
the same. In fact, the more head-downwards ^ 
I am, the more I keep inventing new things.” 

“Now the cleverest thing of the sort that I 
ever did,” he went on after a pause, “ was invent- 
ing a new pudding during the meat-course.” 

“ In time to have it cooked for the next 
course ? ” said Alice. “ Well, that was quick work, 
certainly ! ” 

“ Well, not the next course,” the Knight said 
in a slow thoughtful tone : “ no, certainly not the 
next course” 

“ Then it would have to be the next day. I 
suppose you wouldn’t have two pudding- courses 
in one dinner?” 

“ Well, not the next day,” the Knight repeated 
as before : “ not the next day. In fact,” he went 
on, holding his head down, and his voice getting 
lower and lower, “ I don’t believe that pudding 
ever was cooked ! In fact, I don’t believe that 


174 


it’s my own invention . 1 


pudding ever will be cooked ! And yet it was 
a very clever pudding to invent.” 

“ What did you mean it to be made of?” 
Alice asked, hoping to cheer him up, for the poor 
Knight seemed quite low-spirited about it. 

“ It began with blotting-paper,” the Knight 
answered with a groan. 

“ That wouldn’t be very nice, I ’m afraid ” 

“Not very nice alone” he interrupted, quite 
eagerly : “ but you Ve no idea what a difference 
it makes, mixing it with other things — such 
as gunpowder and sealing-wax. And here I 
must leave you.” They had just come to the 
end of* the wood. 

Alice could only look puzzled : she was 
thinking of the pudding. 

“ You are sad,” the Knight said in an anxious 
tone : “ let me sing you a song to comfort you.” 

“ Is it very long ? ” Alice asked, for she had 
heard a good deal of poetry that day. 

“It’s long,” said the Knight, “but it’s very, 
very beautiful. Everybody that hears me sing 


“it's MY OWN INVENTION.” 175 

it — either it brings the tears into their eyes, 
or else ” 

“ Or else what ? ” said Alice, for the Knight 
had made a sudden pause. 

“ Or else it doesn’t, you know. The name 
of the song is called 4 Haddocks’ Eyes’ ” 

“ Oh, that ’s the name of the song, is it ? ” 
Alice said, trying to feel interested. 

“No, you don’t understand,” the Knight said, 
looking a little vexed. “That’s what the name 
is called. The name really is 4 The Aged Aged 
Man.’ ” 

“ Then I ought to have said 4 That’s ^hat 
the song is called ’ ? ” Alice corrected herself. 

“ No, you oughtn’t : that ’s quite another 
thing ! The song is called 4 Ways And Means ’ : 
but that ’s only what it ’s called , you know ! ” 

“ Well, what is the song, then ? ” said Alice, 
who was by this time completely bewildered. 

44 1 was coming to that,” the Knight said. 
44 The song really is 4 A -sitting On A Gate ’ : and 
the tune’s my own invention.” 


176 


IT Is MY OWN INVENTION. 


So saying, lie stopped his horse and let the 
reins fall on its neck : then, slowly beating time 
with one hand, and with a faint smile lighting 
up his gentle foolish face, as if he enjoyed the 
music of his song, he began. 

Of all the strange things that Alice saw 
in her journey Through The Looking-Glass, 
this was the one that she always remembered 
most clearly. Years afterwards she could bring 
the whole scene back again, as if it had been 
only yesterday — the mild blue eyes and kindly 
smile of the Knight — the setting sun gleaming 
throtigh his hair, and shining on his armour 
in a blaze of light that quite dazzled her — 
the horse quietly moving about, with the reins 
hanging loose on his neck, cropping the grass 
at her feet — and the black shadows of the 
forest behind — all this she took in like a 
picture, as, with one hand shading her eyes, she 
leant against a tree, watching the strange pair, 
and listening, in a half-dream, to the melan- 
choly music of the song. 


“it’s my own invention.” 


177 


“ But the tune isn’t his own invention,” she 
said to herself : “ it ’s ‘ I give thee all , I can no 
more.’ ” She stood and listened very attentively, 
but no tears came into her eyes. 

“I'll tell thee everything I can: 

There ’s little to relate. 

I saw an aged aged man, 

A-sitting on a gate. 

‘ Who are you, aged man ? ' I said. 

( And how is it you live ?' 

And his answer trickled through my head . 
Like water through a sieve. 


He said 1 1 look for butterflies 
That sleep among the wheat: 

I make them into mutton-pies, 

And sell them in the street. 

I sell them unto men ,' he said, 

‘ Who sail on stormy seas; 

And that's the way I get my bread — 
A trifle , if you please.' 


N 


178 


IT S MY OWN INVENTION. 


But I was thinking of a 'plan 
To dye ones whiskers green, 

And always use so large a fan 
That they could not be seen .* ** 

So, having no reply to give 
To what the old man said, 

I cried ‘ Come, tell me how ydu live ! 
And thumped him on the head. 


His accents mild took up the tale: 

He said * I go my ways, . 

And when I find a mountain-rill, 

I set it in a blaze; 

And thence they make a stuff they call 
Rowland's Macassar-Oil — 

Yet twopence-halfpenny is all 
They give me for my toil 


But I was thinking of a way 
To feed oneself on batter, 

And so go on from day to day 
Getting a little fatter 


“IT S MY OWN INVENTION." 


179 


I shook him well from side to side, 
Until his face was blue: 

1 Come, tell me how yon live ,’ I cried, 
1 And what it is yon do! y 



He said 1 1 hnnt for haddocks' eyes 
Among the heather bright, 

And work them into waistcoat-bnttons 
In the silent night 
N 2 


180 


“ IT *S MY OWN INVENTION. 


And these I do not sell for gold 
Or coin of silvery shine , 

But for a copper halfpenny, 
And that will purchase nine. 


* I sometimes dig for buttered rolls, 

Or set limed twigs for crabs: 

I sometimes search the grassy knolls 
For wheels of Hansom-cabs. 

And that's the way * (he gave a wink ) 
‘ By which I get my wealth — 

And very gladly will I drink 
Your Honours noble health! 


I heard him then, for I had just 
Completed my design 
To keep the Menai bridge from rust 
By boiling it in wine. 

I thanked him much for telling me 
The way he got his wealth , 

But chiefly for his wish that he 
Might drink my noble health. 


“it's my own invention: 


181 


And now, if e ’er by chance I put 
My fingers into glue, 

Or madly squeeze a right-hand foot 
Into a left-hand shoe, 

Or if I drop upon my toe 
A very heavy weight, 

I weep, for it reminds me so 
Of that old man I used to know — 

Whose look was mild, whose speech was slow , 
Whose hair was whiter than the snow, 

Whose face was very like a crow, 

With eyes, like cinders, all aglow, 

Who seemed distracted with his woe, 

Who rocked his body to and fro, 

And muttered mumblingly and low, 

As if his mouth were full of dough, 

Who snorted like a buffalo 

That summer evening long ago, 

A-sitting on a gate.” 

As the Knight sang the last words of the 
ballad, he gathered up the reins, and turned 


182 


it’s my own invention . 1 


his horse’s head along the road by which they 
had come. “ You Ve only a few yards to go,” 
he said, 4 4 down the hill and over that little 

brook, and then you ’ll be a Queen But 

you’ll stay and see me off first?” he added 
as Alice turned with an eager look in the 
direction to which he pointed. 44 1 sha’n’t be 
long. You’ll wait and wave your handkerchief 
when I get to that turn in the road ! I think 
it ’ll encourage me, you see.” 

44 Of course I ’ll wait,” said Alice : 44 and thank 
you very much for coming so far — and for the 
song — I liked it very much.” 

44 1 hope so,” the Knight said doubtfully : 
44 but you didn’t cry so much as I thought 
you would.” 

So they shook hands, and then the Knight 
rode slowly away into the forest. 44 It wo’n’t 
take long to see him off , I expect,” Alice said 
to herself, as she stood watching him. 44 There 
he goes ! Right on his head as usual ! How- 
ever, he gets on again pretty easily — that 


“ IT ’S MY OWN INVENTION. 1 


183 


comes of having so many things hung round the 

horse ” So she went on talking to herself, 

as she watched the horse walking leisurely along 
the road, and the Knight tumbling off, first on 
one side and then on the other. After the 
fourth or fifth tumble he reached the turn, and 
then she waved her handkerchief to him, and 
waited till he was out of sight. 

“ I hope it encouraged him,” she said, as 
she turned to run down the hill : “ and now 
for the last brook, and to be a Queen ! How 
grand it sounds ! ” A very few steps brought 
her to the edge of the brook. “ The Eighth 
Square at last ! ” she cried as she bounded across, 

****** 

* * * * * 
****** 

and threw herself down to rest on a lawn as 
soft as moss, with little flower-beds dotted about 
it here and there. “ Oh, how glad I am to get 
here ! And what is this on my head ? ” she 


184 


it’s my own invention. 



off, and set it on her lap 
it could possibly be. 

It was a golden crown. 


exclaimed in a 
tone of dismay, 
as she put her 
hands up to 
something very 
heavy, that fitted 
tight all round 
her head. 

“ But how can 
it have got there 
without my know- 
ing it ? ” she 
said to herself, 
as she lifted it 
to make out what 


CHAPTER IX. 


QUEEN ALICE. 

“ Well, this is grand ! ” said Alice. ee I nevei 
expected I should be a Queen so soon — and 
I’ll tell you what it is, your Majesty,” she went 
on, in a severe tone (she was always rather fond 
of scolding herself), “it’ll never do for you to 
be lolling about on the grass like that ! Queens 
have to be dignified, you know ! ” 

So she got up and walked about — rather 
stiffly just at first, as she was afraid that the 
crown might come off: but she comforted herself 
with the thought that there was nobody to see 
her, “ and if I really am a Queen,” she said 


186 


QUEEN ALICE. 


as she sat down again, “ I shall be able to 
manage it quite well in time.” 

Everything was happening so oddly that she 
didn’t feel a bit surprised at finding the Red 
Queen and the White Queen sitting close to her, 
one on each side : she would have liked very 
much to ask them how they came there, but 
she feared it would not be quite civil. How- 
ever, there would be no harm, she thought, in 
asking if the game was over. “ Please, would 

you tell me ” she began, looking timidly at 

the Red Queen. 

“ Speak when you’re spoken to ! ” the Queen 
sharply interrupted her. 

4 ‘But if everybody obeyed that rule,” said 
Alice, who was always ready for a little argu- 
ment, “ and if you only spoke when you were 
spoken to, and the other person always waited 
for you to begin, you see nobody would ever 
say anything, so that ” 

“ Ridiculous ! ” cried the Queen. “ Why, don’t 
you see, child ” here she broke off with a 


QUEEN ALICE. 


187 

frown, and, after thinking for a minute, suddenly 
changed the subject of the conversation. “What 
do you mean by ‘ If you really are a Queen ’ ? 
What right have you to call yourself so? You 
ca’n’t be a Queen, you know, till you’ve passed 
the proper examination. And the sooner we 
begin it, the better.” 

“I only said ‘if’!” poor Alice pleaded in a 
piteous tone. 

The two Queens looked at each other, and 
the Eed ^ueen remarked, with a little shudder, 
“ She says she only said ‘ if ’ ” 

“ But she said a great deal more than that ! ” 
the White Queen moaned, wringing her hands, 
“ Oh, ever so much more than that ! ” 

“ So you did, you know,” the Bed Queen 
said to Alice. “ Always speak the truth- 
think before you speak — and write it down 
afterwards.” 

“I’m sure I didn’t mean ” Alice was 

beginning, but the Red Queen interrupted her 
impatiently. 


188 


QUEEN ALICE. 


“ That's just what I complain of! You 
should have meant ! What do you suppose is 
the use of a child without any meaning ? Even 
a joke should have some meaning — and a 
child’s more important than a joke, I hope. 
You couldn’t deny that, even if you tried with 
both hands.” 

“ I don’t deny things with my hands” Alice 
objected. 

“ Nobody said you did,” said the Red Queen. 
“ I said you couldn’t if you tried.” 

“ She ’s in that state of mind,” said the White 
Queen, “ that she wants to deny something — 
only she doesn’t know what to deny ! ” 

“ A nasty, vicious temper,” the Eed Queen 
remarked ; and then there was an uncomfortable 
silence for a minute or two. 

The Red Queen broke the silence by saying, 
to the White Queen, “ I invite you to Alice’s 
dinner-party this afternoon.” 

The White Queen smiled feebly, and said 
“ And I invite you” 


QUEEN ALICE. 


189 


“ I didn’t know I was to have a party at 
all,” said Alice ; “ but, if there is to be one, I 
think I ought to invite the guests.” 

“We gave you the opportunity of doing it,” 
the Red Queen remarked : “ but I daresay you ’ve 
not had many lessons in manners yet?” 

“ Manners are not taught in lessons,” said 
Alice. “ Lessons teach you to do sums, and 
things of that sort.” 

“ Can you do Addition ? ” the White Queen 
asked. “ What ’s one and one and one and one 
and one and one and one and one and one and 
one?” 

“ I don’t know,” said Alice. “ I lost count.” 

“ She ca’n’t do Addition,” the Red Queen in- 
terrupted. “ Can you do Subtraction ? Take 
nine from eight.” 

“Nine from eight I ca’n’t, you know,” Alice 
replied very readily : “ but ” 

“ She ca’n’t do Substraction,” said the White 
Queen. “Can you do Division? Divide a loaf 
by a knife-— what ’s the answer to that ? ” 


190 


QUEEN ALICE. 


“ I suppose ” Alice was beginning, but the 

Red Queen answered for her. “ Bread-and-butter, 
of course. Try another Subtraction sum. Take 
a bone from a dog : what remains ? ” 



Alice considered. “ The bone wouldn’t re- 
main, of course, if I took it — and the dog 
wouldn’t remain : it would come to bite me — 
and I ’m sure I shouldn ’t remain ! ” 

“ Then you think nothing would remain ? ” 
said the Red Queen. 

“I think that’s the answer.” 



QUEEN ALICE. 


191 


“ Wrong, as usual,” said the Eed Queen : 
“the dog’s temper would remain.” 

“But I don’t see how ” 

“ Why, look here ! ” the Red Queen cried. 
“ The dog would lose its temper, wouldn’t it ? ” 

“ Perhaps it would,” Alice replied cautiously. 

“ Then if the dog went away, its temper 
would remain ! ” the Queen exclaimed trium- 
phantly. 

Alice said, as gravely as she could, “ They 
might go different ways.” But she couldn’t help 
thinking to herself “What dreadful nonsense we 
are talking ! ” 

“She ca’n’t do sums a bit!” the Queens 
said together, with great emphasis. 

“Can you do sums?” Alice said, turning 
suddenly on the White Queen, for she didn’t 
like being found fault with so much. 

The Queen gasped and shut her eyes. “ I 
can do Addition,” she said, “if you give me 
time — but I ca’n’t do Substraction under any 
circumstances ! ” 


192 


QUEEN ALICE. 


“ Of course you know your ABC?” said 
the Bed Queen. 

“ To be sure I do,” said Alice. 

“ So do I,” the White Queen whispered : 
“we’ll often say it over together, dear. And 
I ’ll tell you a secret — I can read words of 
one letter ! Isn’t that grand ? However, don’t 
be discouraged. You ’ll come to it in time.” 

Here the Red Queen began again. “ Can 
you answer useful questions ? ” she said. “ How 
is bread made ? ” 

“ I know that ! ” Alice cried eagerly. “ You 
take some flour ■” 

“Where do you pick the flower?” the 
White Queen asked. “In a garden or in the 
hedges ? ” 

“Well, it isn’t picked at all,” Alice explained : 
“it’s ground ” 

“ How many acres of ground ? ” said the 
White Queen. “ You mustn’t leave out so 
many things.” 

“Fan her head ! ” the Red Queen anxiously 


QUEEN ALICE. 


193 


interrupted. “She’ll be feverish after so much 
thinking.” So they set to work and fanned 
her with bunches of leaves, till she had to beg 
them to leave off, it blew her hair about so. 

“She’s all right again now,” said the Red 
Queen. “Do you know Languages? What’s 
the French for fiddle-de-dee ? ” 

“ Fiddle-de-dee’s not English,” Alice replied 
gravely. 

“ Who ever said it was ? ” said the Red 
Queen. 

Alice thought she saw a way out of the 
difficulty, this time. “ If you ’ll tell me what 
language ‘ fiddle-de-dee ’ is, I ’ll tell you the 
French for it ! ” she exclaimed triumphantly. 

But the Red Queen drew herself up rather 
stiffly, and said “ Queens never make bargains.” 

“ I wish Queens never asked questions,” Alice 
thought to herself. 

“Don’t let us quarrel,” the White Queen 
said in an anxious tone. “ What is the cause 
of lightning?” 


o 


i 


194 


QUEEN ALICE. 


“ The cause of lightning, 1 ” Alice said very 
decidedly, for she felt quite certain about this, 
“ is the thunder — no, no ! ” she hastily corrected 
herself. “ I meant the other way.” 

“ It *s too late to correct it,” said the Red 
Queen : 4 4 when you Ve once said a thing, that 
fixes it, and you must take the consequences.” 

“ Which reminds me ” the White Queen 

said, looking down and nervously clasping and 
unclasping her hands, “ we had such a thunder- 
storm last Tuesday — I mean one of the last 
set of Tuesdays, you know.” 

Alice was puzzled. “ In our country,” she 
remarked, “ there ’s only one day at a time. ” 

The Red Queen said “ That ’s a poor thin way 
of doing things. Now here, we mostly have 
days and nights two or three at a time, and 
sometimes in the winter we take as many as 
five nights together — for warmth, you know.” 

“ Are five nights warmer than one night, 
then ? ” Alice ventured to ask. 

“Five times as warm, of course.” 


QUEEN ALICE. 


195 


“ But they should be five times as cold , by 
the same rule ” 

“Just so!” cried the Bed Queen. “Five 
times as warm, and five times as cold — just 
as I’m five times as rich as you are, and five 
times as clever ! ” 

Alice sighed and gave it up. “ It ’s exactly 
like a riddle with no answer ! ” she thought. 

“ Humpty Dumpty saw it too,” the White 
Queen went on in a low voice, more as if she 
were talking to herself. “ He came to the door 
with a corkscrew in his hand ” 

“ What did he want ? ” said the Bed Queen. 

“ He said he would come in,” the White 
Queen went on, “ because he was looking for 
a hippopotamus. Now, as it happened, there 
wasn’t such a thing in the house, that morning.” 

“ Is there generally ? ” Alice asked in an 
astonished tone. 

“Well, only on Thursdays,” said the Queen. 

“ I know what he came for,” said Alice : 

he wanted to punish the fish, because ” 

o 2 


196 


QUEEN ALICE. 


Here the White Queen began again. “ It was 
such a thunderstorm, you ca’n’t think ! ” (“ She 
never could, you know,” said the Red Queen.) 
“And part of the roof came off, and ever so 
much thunder got in — and it went rolling 
round the room in great lumps — and knocking 
over the tables and things — till I was so 
frightened, I couldn’t remember my own name ! ” 
Alice thought to herself “ I never should 
try to remember my name in the middle of an 
accident ! Where would be the use of it ? ” but 
she did not say this aloud, for fear of hurting 
the poor Queen’s feelings. 

“Your Majesty must excuse her,” the Red 
Queen said to Alice, taking one of the White 
Queen’s hands in her own, and gently stroking 
it : “ she means well, but she ca’n’t help saying 
foolish things, as a general rule.” 

The White Queen looked timidly at Alice, who 
felt she ought to say something kind, but really 
couldn’t think of anything at the moment. 

“ She never was really well brought up,” the 


QUEEN ALICE. 


197 


Red Queen went on : “ but it ’s amazing how 
good-tempered she is ! Pat her on the head, 
and see how pleased she 11 be ! ” But this was 
more than Alice had courage to do. 

“ A little kindness — and putting her hair 
in papers — would do wonders with her ” 

The White Queen gave a deep sigh, and 
laid her head on Alice’s shoulder. “ I am so 
sleepy ! ” she moaned. 

“ She’s tired, poor thing ! ” said the Red 
Queen. “ Smooth her hair — lend her your 
nightcap — and sing her a soothing lullaby.” 

“ I haven’t got a nightcap with me,” said 
Alice, as she tried to obey the first direction : 
“and I don’t know any soothing lullabies.” 

“ I must do it myself, then,” said the Red 
Queen, and she began : — 

“ Hush-a-by lady, in Alice’s lap! 

Till the feast ’s ready, we *ve time for a nap. 

When the feast ’ s over, we ’ll go to the ball — 

Red Queen, and White Queen, and Alice, and all ! 


198 


QUEEN ALICE. 


“ And now you know the words,” she added, 
as she put her head down on Alice's other 
shoulder, “just sing it through to me. I'm 
getting sleepy, too.” In another moment both 
Queens were fast asleep, and snoring loud. 



“ What am I to do ? ” exclaimed Alice, 
looking about in great perplexity, as first one 
round head, and then the other, rolled down 
from her shoulder, and lay like a heavy lump 
in her lap. “ I don’t think it ever happened 
before, that any one had to take care of two 


QUEEN ALICE. 


199 


Queens asleep at once ! No, not in all the 
History of England — it couldn’t, you know, 
because there never was more than one Queen 
at a time. Do wake up, you heavy things ! ” 
she went on in an impatient tone ; but there 
was no answer but a gentle snoring. 

The snoring got more distinct every minute, 
and sounded more like a tune : at last she 
could even make out words, and she listened so 
eagerly that, when the two great heads suddenly 
vanished from her lap, she hardly missed them. 

She was standing before an arched doorway, 
over which were the words “ QUEEN ALICE ” 
in large letters, and on each side of the arch 
there was a bell-handle ; one was marked 
“ Visitors’ Bell,” and the other “ Servants’ Bell.” 

“ I ’ll wait till the song ’s over,” thought 
Alice, “ and then I’ll ring the — the — which 
bell must I ring?” she went on, very much 
puzzled by the names. “ I ’m not a visitor, 
and I ’m not a servant. There ought to be 
one marked 'Queen,’ you know ” 


200 


QUEEN ALICE. 


Just then the door opened a little way, and 
a creature with a long beak put its head out 
for a moment and said “No admittance till the 
week after next ! ” and shut the door again 
with a bang. 

Alice knocked and rang in vain for a 
long time ; but at last a very old Frog, who 
was sitting under a tree, got up and hobbled 
slowly towards her : he was dressed in bright 
yellow, and had enormous boots on. 

“What is it, now?” the Frog said in a deep 
hoarse whisper. 

Alice turned round, ready to find fault with 
anybody. “Where’s the servant whose business 
it is to answer the door ? ” she began angrily. 

“ Which door ? ” said the Frog. 

Alice almost stamped with irritation at the 
slow drawl in which he spoke. “ This door, 
of course ! ” 

The Frog looked at the door with his large 
dull eyes for a minute : then he went nearer 
and rubbed it with his thumb, as if he were 


QUEEN ALICE. 


201 


trying whether the paint would come off : 
then he looked at Alice. 



“ To answer the door ? ” he said. “ What’s 
it been asking of ? ” He was so hoarse that 
Alice could scarcely hear him. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” she said. 


202 


QUEEN ALICE. 


“I speaks English, doesn’t I?” the Frog 
went on. “Or are yon deaf? What did it 
ask you ? ” 

“ Nothing ! ” Alice said impatiently. “ I Ve 
been knocking at it ! ” 

“Shouldn’t do that — shouldn’t do that ” 

the Frog muttered. “ Wexes it, you know.” 
Then he went up and gave the door a kick 
with one of his great feet. “You let it alone,” 
he panted out, as he hobbled back to his tree, 
“and it’ll let you alone, you know.” 

At this moment the door was flung open, 
and a shrill voice was heard singing — 


“ To the Looking-Glass world it was Alice that said 
'I’ve a sceptre in hand ' I’ve a crown on my head. 
Let the Looking-Glass creatures, whatever they be 
Come and dine with the Red Queen, the White Queen, 
and me!’” 

And hundreds of voices joined in the 
chorus : — 


QUEEN ALICE. 


203 


“ Then fill up the glasses as quick as you can , 

And sprinkle the table with buttons and bran: 

Put cats in the coffee, and mice in the tea — 

And welcome Queen Alice with thirty -times-three ! ” 

Then followed a confused noise of cheering, 
and Alice thought to herself “ Thirty times 
three makes ninety. I wonder if any one’s 
counting ? ” In a minute there was silence again, 
and the same shrill voice sang another verse : — 

“ ‘ 0 Looking-Glass creatures / quoth Alice, ( draw near! 
* Tis an honour to see me, a favour to hear: 
l Tis a privilege high to have dinner and tea 
Along with the Red Queen, the White Queen, and me!’” 

Then came the chorus again : — 

“ Then fill up the glasses with treacle and ink, 

Or anything else that is pleasant to drink: 

Mix sand with the cider, and wool with the wine — 
And welcome Queen Alice with ninety -times-nine ! ” 


204 


QUEEN ALICE. 


“ Ninety times nine ! ” Alice repeated in de- 
spair. “ Oh, that ’ll never be done ! I ’d better 

go in at once ” and in she went, and there 

was a dead silence the moment she appeared. 

Alice glanced nervously along the table, as 
she walked up the large hall, and noticed that 
there were about fifty guests, of all kinds : some 
were animals, some birds, and there were even 
a few flowers among them. “I’m glad they’ve 
come without waiting to be asked,” she thought : 
“ I should never have known who were the 
right people to invite ! ” 

There were three chairs at the head of the 
table : the Red and White Queens had already 
taken two of them, but the middle one was 
empty. Alice sat down in it, rather uncomfortable 
at the silence, and longing for some one to speak. 

At last the Red Queen began. “ You ’ve 
missed the soup and fish,” she said. “Put on 
the joint ! ” And the waiters set a leg of mutton 
before Alice, who looked at it rather anxiously, 
as she had never had to carve a joint before. 


QUEEN ALICE. 


205 


“You look a little shy : let me introduce 
to that leg of mutton,” said the Red Queen. 

“Alice Mutton : 

Mutton Alice.” 

The leg of mutton 
got up in the dish 
and made a little 
bow to Alice ; and 
Alice returned the 
bow, not knowing 
whether to be fright- 
ened or amused. 

“ May I give 
you a slice ? ” she 
said, taking up the 
knife and fork, and 
looking from one Queen to the other. 

“ Certainly not,” the Red Queen said, very 
decidedly : “it isn’t etiquette to cut any one 
you ’ve been introduced to. Remove the joint ! ” 
And the waiters carried it off, and brought a 
large plum-pudding in its place. 



206 


QUEEN ALICE. 


“ I wo’ n’t be introduced to the pudding, 
please,” Alice said rather hastily, “ or we shall 
get no dinner at all. May I give you some ? ” 
But the Red Queen looked sulky, and growled 

“ Pudding Alice : Alice Pudding. Remove 

the pudding ! ”, and the waiters took it away 
so quickly that Alice couldn’t return its bow. 

However, she didn ’t see why the Red Queen 
should be the only one to give orders ; so, as 
an experiment, she called out “ Waiter ! Bring 
back the pudding ! ”, and there it was again in 
a moment, like a conjuring- trick. It was so 
large that she couldn’t help feeling a little shy 
with it, as she had been with the mutton : how- 
ever, she conquered her shyness by a great effort, 
and cut a slice and handed it to the Red Queen. 

“ What impertinence ! ” said the Pudding. “ I 
wonder how you’d like it, if I were to cut a 
slice out of you , you creature ! ” 

It spoke in a thick, suety sort of voice, 
and Alice hadn’t a word to say in reply : she 
could only sit and look at it and gasp. 


QUEEN ALICE. 


207 


“ Make a remark,” said the Eed Queen : “ it ’s 
ridiculous to leave all the conversation to the 
pudding ! ” 

“ Do you know, I ’ve had such a quantity 
of poetry repeated to me to-day,” Alice began, 
a little frightened at finding that, the moment 
she opened her lips, there was dead silence, 
and all eyes were fixed upon her ; “ and it ’s a 
very curious thing, I think — every poem was 
about fishes in some way. Do you know why 
they ’re so fond of fishes, all about here ? ” 

She spoke to the Eed Queen, whose answer 
was a little wide of the mark. “As to fishes,” 
she said, very slowly and solemnly, putting her 
mouth close to Alice’s ear, “her White Majesty 
knows a lovely riddle — all in poetry — all about 
fishes. Shall she repeat it ? ” 

“ Her Eed Majesty’s very kind to mention 
it,” the White Queen murmured into Alice’s other 
ear, in a voice like the cooing of a pigeon. “ It 
would be such a treat ! May I ? ” 

“ Please do,” Alice said very politely. 


208 


QUEEN ALICE. 


The White Queen laughed with delight, and 
stroked Alice’s cheek. Then she began : 

“ ‘ First, the fish must be caught 
That is easy: a baby, I think, could have caught it. 

‘ Next, the fish must be bought .' 

That is easy : a penny, I think, would have bought it 

‘ Now cook me the fish ! ’ 

That is easy, and will not take more than a minute. 

* Let it lie in a dish!' 

That is easy, because it already is in it. 

‘ Bring it here ! Let me sup ! ’ 

It is easy to set such a dish on the table. 

Take the dish-cover up ! * 

Ah, that is so hard that I fear I'm unable! 

For it holds it like glue — 

Holds the lid to the dish, while it lies in the middle: 
Which is easiest to do, 

Un-dish-cover the fish, or dishcover the riddle V' 


QUEEN ALICE. 


209 


“ Take a minute to think about it, and then 
guess/’ said the Eed Queen. “ Meanwhile, we ’ll 
drink your health — Queen Alice’s health ! ” she 
screamed at the top of her voice, and all the 
guests began drinking it directly, and very 
queerly they managed it : some of them put 
their glasses upon their heads like extinguishers, 
and drank all that trickled down their faces — 
others upset the decanters, and drank the wine 
as it ran off the edges of the table — and three 
of them (who looked like kangaroos) scrambled 
into the dish of roast mutton, and began eagerly 
lapping up the gravy, “just like pigs in a 
trough ! ” thought Alice. 

“ You ought to return thanks in a neat 
speech,” the Eed Queen said, frowning at Alice 
as she spoke. 

“ We must support you, you know,” the 
White Queen whispered, as Alice got up to do 
it, very obediently, but a little frightened. 

“Thank you very much,” she whispered in 
reply, “but I can do quite well without.” 

P 


210 


QUEEN ALICE. 


“ That wouldn't be at all the thing,” the 
Red Queen said very decidedly : so Alice tried 
to submit to it with a good grace. 

(“ And they did push so ! ” she said after- 
wards, when she was telling her sister the 
history of the feast. 4 4 You would have thought 
they wanted to squeeze me flat ! ”) 

In fact it was rather difficult for her to 
keep in her place while she made her speech : 
the two Queens pushed her so, one on each side, 
that they nearly lifted her up into the air. 

44 1 rise to return thanks ” Alice began : 

and she really did rise as she spoke, several 
inches ; but she got hold of the edge of the 
table, and managed to pull herself down again. 

44 Take care of yourself ! ” screamed the White 
Queen, seizing Alice's hair with both her hands. 
44 Something’s going to happen !-” 

And then (as Alice afterwards described it) 
all sorts of things happened in a moment. The 
candles all grew up to the ceiling, looking some- 
thing like a bed of rushes with fireworks at 


QUEEN ALICE. 


211 


the top. As to the bottles, they each took a 
pair of plates, which they hastily fitted on as 
wings, and so, with forks for legs, went flutter- 
ing about in all directions : “ and very like birds 
they look,” Alice thought to herself, as well as 
she could in the dreadful confusion that was 
beginning. 

At this moment she heard a hoarse laugh 
at her side, and turned to see what was the 

matter with the White Queen ; but, instead of 

the Queen, there was the leg of mutton sitting 
in the chair. “ Here I am!” cried a voice 
from the soup-tureen, and Alice turned again, 
just in time to see the Queen’s broad good- 
natured face grinning at her for a moment over 

the edge of the tureen, before she disappeared 

into the soup. 

There was not a moment to be lost. Already 
several of the guests were lying down in the 
dishes, and the soup-ladle was walking up the 
table towards Alice’s chair, and beckoning to her 
impatiently to get out of its way. 

p 2 


212 


QUEEN ALICE. 


“I ca’n’t stand 
this any longer ! ” 
she cried, as she 
jumped up and 
seized the table- 
cloth with both 
hands : one good 
pull, and plates, 
dishes, guests, and 



QUEEN ALICE. 


213 


candles came crashing down together in a heap 
on the floor. 

“ And as for you” she went on, turning 
fiercely upon the Red Queen, whom she con- 
sidered as the cause of all the mischief — but 
the Queen was no longer at her side — she had 
suddenly dwindled down to the size of a little 
doll, and was now on the table, merrily running 
round and round after her own shawl, which 
was trailing behind her. 

At any other time, Alice would have felt 
surprised at this, but she was far too much 
excited to be surprised at anything now. “As 
for you” she repeated, catching hold of the little 
creature in the very act of jumping over a bottle 
which had just lighted upon the table, “ I ’ll 
shake you into a kitten, that I will ! ” 



* 





CHAPTER X. 


SHAKING 

She took her off the table as she spoke, and 
shook her backwards and forwards with all her 
might. 

The Red Queen made no resistance what- 
ever : only her face grew very small, and her 
eyes got large and green : and still, as Alice 
went on shaking her, she kept on growing 
shorter — and fatter — and softer — and rounder — ■ 
and 


CHAPTER XI. 

WAKING. 


■and it really was a kitten, after all. 






CHAPTER XII. 


WHICH DREAMED IT? 

“Your Red Majesty shouldn’t purr so loud,” 
Alice said, rubbing her eyes, and addressing the 
kitten, respectfully, yet with some severity. 
“You woke me out of oh ! such a nice dream ! 
And you ’ve been along with me, Kitty — all 
through the Looking-Glass world. Did you know 
it, dear ? ” 

It is a very inconvenient habit of kittens 
(Alice had once made the remark) that, what- 
ever you say to them, they always purr. “ If 
they would only purr for ‘ yes,’ and mew for 
‘no,’ or any rule of that sort,” she had said, 


WHICH DREAMED IT? 


219 


“ so that one could keep up a conversation ! But 
how can you talk with a person if they always 
say the same thing ? ” 

On this occasion the kitten only purred : 
and it was impossible to guess whether it meant 
‘yes’ or ‘no/ 

So Alice hunted among the chessmen on the 
table till she had found the Red Queen : then 
she went down on her knees on the hearth-rug, 
and put the kitten and the Queen to look at 
each other. “ Now, Kitty ! ” she cried, clapping 
her hands triumphantly. “ Confess that was 
what you turned into ! ” 

(“ But it wouldn’t look at it,” she said, 
when she was explaining the thing afterwards to 
her sister : “it turned away its head, and pre- 
tended not to see it : but it looked a little 
ashamed of itself, so I think it must have been 
the Red Queen.”) 

“ Sit up a little more stiffly, dear ! ” Alice 
cried with a merry laugh. “ And curtsey whil^ 
you ’re thinking what to — what to purr. It 


220 


WHICH DREAMED IT? 


saves time, remember ! ” And she caught it up 
and gave it one little kiss, “just in honour of its 
having been a Red Queen.” 



“ Snowdrop, my pet ! ” she went on, looking 
over her shoulder at the White Kitten, which 
was still patiently undergoing its toilet, “ when 
will Dinah have finished with your White Ma- 
jesty, I wonder? That must be the reason you 


WHICH DREAMED IT? 


221 


were so untidy in my dream. Dinah ! Do 

you know that you ’re scrubbing a White Queen ? 
Really, it ’s most disrespectful of you ! 

“ And what did Dinah turn to, I wonder ? ” 
she prattled on, as she settled comfortably down, 
with one elbow on the rug, and her chin in her 
hand, to watch the kittens. “Tell me, Dinah, 
did you turn to Humpty Dumpty ? I think 
you did — however, you ’d better not mention it 
to your friends just yet, for I’m not sure. 

“ By the way, Kitty, if only you ’d been 
really with me in my dream, there was one 

thing you would have enjoyed 1 had such 

a quantity of poetry said to me, all about 
fishes ! To-morrow morning you shall have a 
real treat. All the time you’re eating your 
breakfast, I’ll repeat ‘The Walrus and the Car- 
penter ’ to you ; and then you can make believe 
it ’s oysters, dear ! 

“Now, Kitty, let’s consider who it was that 
dreamed it all. This is a serious question, my 
dear, and you should not go on licking your 


222 


WHICH DREAMED IT? 


paw like that — as if Dinah hadn't washed 

you this morning ! You see, Kitty, it must 

have been either me or the Red King. He 
was part of my dream, of course — but then I 
was part of his dream, too ! Was it the Red 
King, Kitty ? You were his wife, my dear, 

so you ought to know Oh, Kitty, do help 

to settle it ! I’m sure your paw can wait ! ” 
But the provoking kitten only began on the 
other paw, and pretended it hadn’t heard the 
question. 

Which do you think it was? 


A boat, beneath a sunny sky 
Lingering onward dreamily 
In an evening of July — 


Children three that nestle near, 
Eager eye and willing ear, 
Pleased a simple tale to hear — 


Long has paled that sunny sky : 
Echoes fade and memories die : 
Autumn frosts have slain July. 


Still she haunts me, phantomwise, 
Alice moving under skies 
Never seen by waking eyes. 


224 


Children yet, the tale to hear, 
Eager eye and willing ear, 
Lovingly shall nestle near. 

In a Wonderland they lie, 
Dreaming as the days go by, 
Dreaming as the summers die : 

Ever drifting down the stream — 
Lingering in the golden gleam— 
Life, what is it but a dream $ 


THE END. 



Printed in the United States of America. 


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